tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26107278839731509522024-03-04T22:09:49.704-06:00You Wanna Know What's Bullshit?You ever leave a situation thinking, "Man, that is bullshit!" or get off a phone call saying, "What a bunch of bullshit!"
From the everyday things that should work and don't, to people who are capable of doing a job and won't. You Wanna Know What's Bullshit? I'll tell ya!Cyber Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09875545684822843434noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2610727883973150952.post-48962934449031428162012-12-17T21:11:00.000-06:002012-12-17T21:11:05.640-06:00Businesses Advertising FREE WiFiBusinesses Advertising FREE WiFi is BULLSHIT!!!<br />
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<img height="141" id="il_fi" src="http://singaporecity360.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/wi-fi-logo.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="200" /><a class="thumb" href="javascript:edit(201794)"></a><br />
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They say nothing in life is free. Think about that saying and we will come back to that. You ever been watching TV and you see a commercial for a hotel and when it comes to the end of the commercial they start talking about all the "extras" you get by staying at the place? They say "Come stay at the Hampton Inn, we have free continental breakfast, hot fresh coffee and free WiFi to all rooms!" <br />
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First of all, the shitty breakfast bar where I have to make my own fuckin cereal isn't continental. If by you supplying those undersized kids cereal boxes and throwing out some day old donuts with styrofoam bowls allows you to say "We just served you breakfast!".....Then me spitting on your windshield as I pull out of your shitty hotel parking lot allows me to say "I just washed your car!"<br />
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<img height="343" id="il_fi" src="http://blog.beaumontenterprise.com/bayou/files/2011/01/Econo_Lodge.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="480" /><br />
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Breakfast is supposed to be a hearty meal and if your going to toss it in for "free", at least make a fuckin' effort! And when you say "free breakfast" after I paid you $89.99 for one night's rest, there had better be a fuckin' waitress and some damn metal utensils assholes! <br />
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Which brings me back to my first thought, nothing in life is free. But wait, Hampton Inn is tossing in free WiFi. It comes with every room! Think about that next time you shopping around for a quality place to lay your head for the night. Why not get one with free WiFi. That shit is hard to come by and you don't just run into free wifi anywhere. I bet you can't even name 5 places that offer free wifi.....<br />
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1. Panera Bread<br />
2. Price Chopper Grocery<br />
3. The Library <br />
4. Quiznos<br />
5. Buffalo Wild Wings<br />
6. McDonalds<br />
7. Starbucks<br />
8. CiCi's Pizza<br />
9. McAlister's Deli<br />
10. Dairy Queen<br />
11. Super 8 Motel<br />
12. Holiday Inn<br />
13. Burger King<br />
14. Houlihan's<br />
15. The Hospital<br />
16. The Rec Center<br />
17. Church<br />
18. Sam's Club<br />
19. Every bar in town<br />
20. Dunn Bros. Coffee<br />
21. Steve's Tire Shop<br />
22. Hardees<br />
23. The Museum<br />
24. Raddisson Hotels<br />
25. Valvoline Oil Change Shop<br />
26. IHOP<br />
27. Bob Evans<br />
28. Every college campus<br />
29. The Post Office<br />
30. Music Store<br />
31. The BBQ place down the street<br />
32. Autozone<br />
33. Culvers<br />
34. Planet Sub<br />
35. The License Bureau<br />
36. Motel 6<br />
37. Doug's Meat Market<br />
38. Days Inn<br />
39. The laundromat<br />
40. JoJo's coffee house<br />
41. The carwash<br />
42. The state capital building<br />
43. The Indoor Kid's Jungle Gym across town<br />
44. Meineke<br />
45. The fitness club<br />
46. The PC Lounge<br />
47. National Tire and Battery<br />
48. Dunkin Donuts<br />
49. Doubletree Hotel<br />
50. And the cafe in town ran by a couple in their 70's<br />
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So what you're telling me is that it is hard to find? Is that what you're saying? Fuck NO it's not! I could probably walk from New York to San Diego and never leave a free WiFi service. Oh, it would get spotty outside of Vegas, but I would venture to say that even the brothels have free WiFi. <br />
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<img height="219" id="il_fi" src="http://i1-news.softpedia-static.com/images/news-700/Microsoft-and-Boingo-to-Offer-Free-Wi-Fi-across-New-York-and-San-Francisco.png?1349706358" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /><br />
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So the next time you hotel fucks want to tout your free WiFi, why don't you save your breath and consider offering things like working A/C units, soft water, and jizz free sheets!<br />
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Basically here's the deal, McDonalds will throw in free WiFi if I go in and ask for a plastic spoon, so any major establishment that is still throwing around free WiFi as a sales draw should fire their marketing manager and wake the fuck up!<br />
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Cause advertising free WiFi is BULLSHIT!!!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz6_GFv4lj4nUcvb_nMLGtTB3It4ctBEs-QUW7jgqH7UP6541IUZ8bbSeyGuekk2zuUcHjaKZdOcpBnCcdV9M1Od9ootNBENb1Fdzo8rTobzZC2r3Q-8W7Xp7HIGcW64iYuNen0xeYNVUe/s1600/Stamp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" eea="true" height="111" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz6_GFv4lj4nUcvb_nMLGtTB3It4ctBEs-QUW7jgqH7UP6541IUZ8bbSeyGuekk2zuUcHjaKZdOcpBnCcdV9M1Od9ootNBENb1Fdzo8rTobzZC2r3Q-8W7Xp7HIGcW64iYuNen0xeYNVUe/s200/Stamp.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<br />Cyber Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09875545684822843434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2610727883973150952.post-31428230645466820632012-05-04T21:46:00.002-05:002012-05-06T17:00:23.988-05:00YWKWB QUICKIE: SafeAuto Car InsuranceSafeAuto Car Insurance is BULLSHIT!!!<br />
<img alt="" class="rg_hi uh_hi" data-height="225" data-width="225" height="225" id="rg_hi" sb_id="ms__id1862" src="https://encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQR5AM4ZI0Lrlx3aBifJHn701jgHEW7nVgIOqwi8H74U5vzsK58_A" style="height: 225px; width: 225px;" width="225" /><br />
Every fuckin time I get in my car and turn on the radio, the same fuckin commercial is on......SafeAuto Car insurance. "State minimum coverage you can count on". Oh really! I know what I can count on, that's some asshole hitting me and not having enough insurance to cover my medical bills. "Can't get insurance anywhere else? Call SafeAuto". They can't get insurance anywhere else for a reason, you FUCKS!!! Oh FUCK YOU SAFEAUTO!!!! You're the reason that people like myself have to pay fuckin ridiculous premiums. I actually use a reputable car insurance company...meanwhile you're handing out car insurance like fuckin Halloween candy to every fucker that calls in. Never mind that Ronnie the Retard has hit every parked car in town and backed into all the rest, give that motherfucker some insurance and make the fuckin bare minimum that way when he sideswipes a semi truck full of expensive electronics and his $50,000 policy won't even cover the goods in the trailer, let alone the semi truck.....I'll pick up the difference when the actuary examines the case and passes it on to the other drivers in the area in that age range. <br />
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State minimum coverage!?! Are you fuckin kiddin me? Thanks safe-auto for being the title-loan store for the insurance world. Bang up job!<br />
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GO FUCK YOURSELF SAFEAUTO! Cause your insurance is Bullshit!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD8BZMpZ7oZch6CFhPsTKZ-Ow72hoaQyssyaUUKompaSehT_wANBVecerH-WdMDnrKVnkfFCcKqjbqYUSjsJf8YKOasl7LTgscdpVqk6W3_W2SWQ9J7fqn5Mrh0K3-eVW45TMFOrsjcJbd/s1600/Stamp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="111" mea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD8BZMpZ7oZch6CFhPsTKZ-Ow72hoaQyssyaUUKompaSehT_wANBVecerH-WdMDnrKVnkfFCcKqjbqYUSjsJf8YKOasl7LTgscdpVqk6W3_W2SWQ9J7fqn5Mrh0K3-eVW45TMFOrsjcJbd/s200/Stamp.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Cyber Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09875545684822843434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2610727883973150952.post-3356634318699514992012-03-16T10:51:00.000-05:002012-03-16T10:51:16.875-05:00CyclistsCyclists are BULLSHIT!!!<br />
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<img height="204" id="il_fi" src="http://www.clipart.dk.co.uk/DKImages/arts/image_arts016.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="320" /><br />
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Well, it's that time of the year again when the weather is getting nicer and the grass is starting to green. There is a smell of lilac in the air and off in the distance you can hear birds chirping. It's a wonderful Saturday morning and I decide to run up to the hardware store and have a look around. Then when I get in my car and hit the road, I see this.................<br />
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<img height="224" id="il_fi" src="http://www.baltimorebrew.com/wp-content/themes/bbrew/scripts/thumb.php?src=/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/cyclosity-column-bicyclist-on-St.-Paul.jpg&w=590&zc=0" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="320" /><br />
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Some motherfucker here to show us all that he is maintaining a healthy body weight by riding his fuckin bicycle like a seven year old. And not only is the asshole riding his bike out in the middle of town, but riding down the middle of the fuckin street! HEY DICKHEAD! They have parks and trails for fuckers like you. There's trails and paths and huge open green spaces where you can ride your $3,000 bike, I know, I've seen 'em! The streets were constructed to a certian width. That width was determined by measuring a certian means of transportation. I'm gonna guess by the looks of it, it wasn't your fucking bicycle, LANCE!<br />
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Now everywhere I turn I see these fucking BULLSHIT signs.<br />
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<img height="180" id="il_fi" src="http://hyperion.fastsecureservers.com/~bikelane/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/shareroad1.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="200" /><br />
SHARE THE ROAD!?! I'm not the fucking shithead that's riding a kid's christmas present down the middle of fuckin Main Street at 15mph. Here's an idea. Hows bout I get in my car and drive it down the middle of the fuckin bike path that runs behind my house. Just drive that big muthafucka right down the middle....at 72mph. Isn't that the same fuckin idea as riding a bike WAY below the speed limit in the street meant for cars!?! Will they put up signs for me with a picture of a car that say "Share the trail"? Fuck NO!<br />
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The worst is when these fucksticks run in herds and I can't get around them.....<br />
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<img height="200" id="il_fi" src="http://blog.pennlive.com/lvbreakingnews/2007/09/cyclists.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /><br />
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This would be like a cattle farmer taking a hundred head of cattle and marching them into town and down the middle of main street. That shit wouldn't fly, why the fuck does this BULLSHIT get to continue!?! And these fuckers have a death wish! Cause when I am driving the back roads off the beaten path with no shoudlers and deep ditches and I come up over a hill to a cyclist who's doin 20mph. He's lucky that this isn't the next scene..........<br />
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<img alt="An emergency responder surveys the scene of an accident between a bicycle and a tractor trailer on U Street NW this morning.&nbsp;" height="223" src="http://wamu.org/sites/wamu.org/files/styles/headline_landscape/public/images/attach/2.28.12news-trull-bike-accident-edit.jpg" typeof="foaf:Image" width="400" /><br />
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Here's the deal. If you want to dress up in a tights like a ballerina, put on a yellow wristband, and pretend you're Lance Armstrong that's fine. But stay the fuck off the streets. My car's speedometer goes well past 30mph and it will do at least 70, I know, I've seen me do it. But the next fuckin time I am trying to get somewhere on a Saturday and I run into a herd of these fucks taking up the road. I'm droppin it in low and hammerin the gas with the horn ablowin'!<br />
USE THE SIDEWALK FUCKERS!!!<br />
<img src="http://i.imgur.com/C6eqp.gif" /><br />
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Cause Cyclists are BULLSHIT!!!<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_1fpvYbI_uSjelDVlWbbQEVYk1DDT5MDdDAkD_noywOG5mMOtCOrUukwpZz7uKyv8vgS3wysk1ARIO4DUX_XL75ZbmjK1yRhN8G9e30ex-GcYy8P6lbjbH_AoyuJYbZcYB2z-NBtFMSU1/s1600/Stamp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img aea="true" border="0" height="111" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_1fpvYbI_uSjelDVlWbbQEVYk1DDT5MDdDAkD_noywOG5mMOtCOrUukwpZz7uKyv8vgS3wysk1ARIO4DUX_XL75ZbmjK1yRhN8G9e30ex-GcYy8P6lbjbH_AoyuJYbZcYB2z-NBtFMSU1/s200/Stamp.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Cyber Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09875545684822843434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2610727883973150952.post-10685549345641582412012-02-15T07:48:00.001-06:002012-02-15T07:49:40.184-06:00YWKWB QUICKIE: Yellow StarburstYellow Starburst are BULLSHIT!!!<br />
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<a data="false" href="http://www.sodahead.com/entertainment/berenice-marlohe-pegged-for-bond-23-whos-the-hottest-bond-girl-of-all-time/question-2190125/"><img height="320" id="ibafSlideshowImg" src="http://images.sodahead.com/polls/001643729/4244891865_Yellow20Starburst_answer_3_xlarge.jpeg" width="320" /></a><br />
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I fuckin hate yellow Starburst! When you get a two pack of Starburst and you open them up to find this.......<br />
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<img height="300" src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltjuytqlbX1qctkcl.jpg" width="400" /><br />
<br />
You are so fuckin pissed! When you get ready to open a two pack, you're hoping for 2 reds or 2 pinks or a combo red and pink. If there is an orange in the mix, you're not too disappointed, but if there is a yellow, you're like.......FUCK! But if there are 2 yellows, holy shit! It's like dating a girl for a while, getting her back to your place, things get serious, you get her to the bedroom, things are getting hot and heavy, you slide those panties off................and she HAS A DICK! That's how fuckin disappointing 2 yellows are.<br />
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Yellow Starburst are the worst candy EVER, THERE'S NEVER BEEN A WORST CANDY!!!<br />
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And if you are one of the freaks that "loves" yellow Starburst, well.....your vote doesn't count cause there is obviously something wrong with you. You probably like candy corn and root beer barrels, too. FREAK!<br />
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Hey Starburst, fuckin knock it off!!! Cause your yellow ones are BULLSHIT!!!<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZVBzvrhj1hiw2mJq1pGre-dJZrf45vjjUOPKfbyhcdrA0VzvpoWR8UXwi92hpd7OGzQ4wrNkTh23_8ZXA0KSsreejxo1iKlQkp_KC_Q15N1c2pePYVBWC0MV8uT_WgMBP2Oaom_6iTisN/s1600/Stamp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="111" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZVBzvrhj1hiw2mJq1pGre-dJZrf45vjjUOPKfbyhcdrA0VzvpoWR8UXwi92hpd7OGzQ4wrNkTh23_8ZXA0KSsreejxo1iKlQkp_KC_Q15N1c2pePYVBWC0MV8uT_WgMBP2Oaom_6iTisN/s200/Stamp.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Cyber Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09875545684822843434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2610727883973150952.post-74981292331233893942012-02-14T11:33:00.002-06:002012-02-15T07:29:17.040-06:00Continued Space ExplorationContinued Space Exploration is BULLSHIT!!!<br />
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<img height="205" id="il_fi" src="http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRtCfIS9N0CeuVY2ZmkrKB7pg3GCge6QqW-SFcLrJjXuVZu8mcu4fEIlkB0" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="246" /><br />
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With the recent news that NASA is now looking to build a "taxi" system to take people back and forth to the international space station, I couldn't resist. I have been wanting to write on the topic of space exploration for a while now and with NASA back in the news for their fuckin cab rides to outer space, I seized the moment. Now before people start defending NASA and telling me we wouldn't have things like Kevlar, cell phones, and Temperpedic Mattresses without NASA, you are correct. All that stuff is awesome. If anything, NASA should stop all the spacecraft Star Wars BULLSHIT and open a facility totally dedicated to the invention of these technologies. That said, there is a LOT of BULLSHIT NASA spends our alotted tax dollars on. Where shall we start?<br />
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$18,700,000,000<br />
That is NASA's budget this year. That is how much of our hard earned tax dollars is going to fund NASA's next BULLSHIT idea. 18.7 BILLION DOLLARS!!! It's hard to grasp how much fuckin money that is, so I'll give you a visual.<br />
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If we use $100 bills, this is a million dollars:<br />
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<img alt="$1,000,000 (one million dollars)" height="254" src="http://www.pagetutor.com/trillion/pile.jpg" width="266" /><br />
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Meh, not that impressive. Using the same $100 bills, here is a billion dollars:<br />
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<img alt="$1,000,000,000 (one billion dollars)" height="274" src="http://www.pagetutor.com/trillion/pallet_x_10.jpg" width="570" /><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">Wow, not that is some fuckin cash! Well, think about this for a moment, you would need another 177 pallets of $100 bills just like these to equal 18.7 BILLION dollars! That's a 20 foot square 2 story building completely filled to the brim with $100 bills. HOLY SHIT!!! That is a fuckload of money! </div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">Here's the deal, this is the same budget these dicksuckers at NASA had last fuckin year! Yeah, 18.7 billion dollars sounded good last year, why not this year? So lets see what 18.7 billion dollars bought us last year. Lets see here, oh, the Messenger Spacecraft that NASA lauched 6.5 fuckin years ago and cost 4.9 BILLION dollars finally reached Mars and now orbits the planet every 12 hours and takes pictures of its surface. NASA now dedicates an entire fuckin team to monitor and log all the images and data from this piece of shit.</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><img class="zoom-image" height="145" jquery1620858421153994334="367" src="http://i.huffpost.com/gadgets/slideshows/202302/slide_202302_570122_large.jpg?1324687988" width="200" /></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">That one is paying dividends for us! Finally, what I have always wanted, pictures of the surface of Mars.....EVERY FUCKIN 12 HOURS! Moving on.....last July, NASA's ion-propelled spacecraft DAWN, which had traveled 1.7 billion miles, reached an asteroid.......and took a fuckin picture of it. NICE!</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><img class="zoom-image" height="145" jquery1620858421153994334="371" src="http://i.huffpost.com/gadgets/slideshows/202302/slide_202302_570830_large.jpg?1324687988" width="200" /></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">In the picture is a mountian on the asteroid. NASA tells us that the mountian is taller than any on Earth, so for those few people who have made it up Everest and lived.....NASA has your next challange. I hear they have cab rides now, but a 1.7 billion mile cab fare might bust your budget. </div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">Now here is an interesting one, NASA found "bubbles" at the edge of our solar system.....AWESOME!</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><img class="zoom-image" height="145" jquery1620858421153994334="381" src="http://i.huffpost.com/gadgets/slideshows/202302/slide_202302_571040_large.jpg?1324687988" width="200" /></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">The bubbles are magnetic and NASA's way of describing them is "twisted and wrinkled, like a ballerina's skirt". Wow, slow the fuck down with all the scientific terms! This past December, the Mars rover Opportunity took this picture of the surface of Mars....</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><img class="zoom-image" height="145" jquery1620858421153994334="390" src="http://i.huffpost.com/gadgets/slideshows/202302/slide_202302_570108_large.jpg?1324687988" width="200" /></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">If your wondering what the fuck that is? Well, that is a gypsum deposit that the rover found on Mars. A rover that was suppose to be on Mars looking for water. It found a mineral. A mineral so rare that you can only find it in a few locations around the US.....pretty much any hardware store. WHAT!?! Yes, gypsum is a mineral used to make drywall. So, if Home Depot ever runs out of drywall and you need some to finish your basement project, just hop a space cab to Mars and grab ya some! </div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">What you might not know is that the Mars rover Opportunity has a twin called Spirit. Yeah, there are two of these fuckin things on Mars, but NASA lost the signal to the Spirit rover like a fuckin dropped cell phone call and they can't get it back! How much did that piece of shit cost us you might wonder? Well, NASA wants to build another rover called Curiousity and its price tag is 2.5 billion dollars! And I thought I was pissed when I dropped a call on my cell. If it cost me 2.5 billion dollars, holy shit! Funny that they named it Curiousity, cause I have a Curiousity.....WHO THE FUCK KEEPS FUNDING THIS BULLSHIT!!!</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">This next one is my favorite. Last February, one of NASA's probes took pictures of the opposite side of the sun for us. </div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><img class="zoom-image" height="145" jquery1620858421153994334="365" src="http://i.huffpost.com/gadgets/slideshows/202302/slide_202302_569288_large.jpg?1324687988" width="200" /></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">The opposite side of the sun? Doesn't this ball of dirt we are on rotate around the sun? One rotation around the sun was a year the last time I checked. So......if we wanted a picture of the opposite side of the sun, why didn't we take a picture, wait 6 months and then take another one? What. The. Fuck!?! </div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">So our oh-so wise government decided that they'll keep the budget the same, brilliant! Right here is where I will point out that the Department of Transportation's budget for this year is 13.4 billion dollars. So the next time you are driving down the highway and hit a patch of road like this.....</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><img height="304" id="il_fi" src="http://newstalkkit.com/files/2011/07/large_bad-road.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="453" /></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">Don't worry about it. Just relax, knowing that as you read this, NASA is still trying to get ahold of the Mars Rover Spirit on the worlds most expensive cell phone and taking pictures of the Sun's ass!</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div>Fuck YOU NASA! Cause Continued Space Exploration is BULLSHIT!!!<br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKzer3Yr4zYTRffiEbhYr4w67SXzB5irLzTImGIWALOLtML0UBU4Ohq8EUziHYMWbBb-7NikWiE7nmY3XHb-4s0jLLyrWGlv-sqLZIe0PFslWnYdvVcGtVpy9ffYInIe5WhXSzcquxuotf/s1600/Stamp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="111" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKzer3Yr4zYTRffiEbhYr4w67SXzB5irLzTImGIWALOLtML0UBU4Ohq8EUziHYMWbBb-7NikWiE7nmY3XHb-4s0jLLyrWGlv-sqLZIe0PFslWnYdvVcGtVpy9ffYInIe5WhXSzcquxuotf/s200/Stamp.jpg" width="200" yda="true" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
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</div>Cyber Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09875545684822843434noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2610727883973150952.post-85582442263811368132012-01-10T07:50:00.004-06:002012-02-03T20:12:01.726-06:003D Technology3D Technology is BULLSHIT!!!<br />
<br />
<img height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgYUeRyyEnULRI4ZJAr8I857eSNDX930ic4Duxrvhmem3knzILC5kJwXr6zOHYT9Z54XZ2jpg8GyoTKQsHmmp4pDXNje1TXHvC0zAwpyRokZD_SWxmSFxZs8r6ljwyHCUeHtd1ogHzMOM/s320/3d.jpg" width="319" /><br />
<br />
It has been a long while since I have been to the movies, mainly cause I am sick of getting ass raped by AMC theatres to the tune of $24.00 for my wife and myself just to watch a fuckin movie. The same length movie I can rent for a $1.19 at any Redbox, tax and all! <em>BUT</em>, the last time I was there, I was thinking "You know what this movie needs........sunglasses!" Yep, sunglasses. That would make this whole movie-going experience SO MUCH better. If I could wear blue-blockers and watch Jackass in 3D, this would be the best date night EVER!<br />
<br />
<img height="192" id="il_fi" src="http://www.berezin.com/3d/images/anaglass2.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="320" /><br />
Who in their right fuckin mind would pay $24.00 to see a movie, then add $5 a ticket for 3D? Idiots, that's who. 3D.......WHAT THE FUCK!?! It's a stupid marketing gimmick that has waves of fucktards piling into every theatre across the country. People will buy anything, you know why? Cause people are stupid! Don't believe me? Work in retail for 2 weeks, and tell me that people aren't stupid. Dumb people buy dumb shit ALL the time. Why do you think when you are checking out at any store, they have six million little stupid things dummies can buy on their way out? Cause silly shit sells and 3D is silly shit.<br />
<br />
3D has been around for fuckin decades. The Prizma color system was used in the FUCKIN 20's to show 3D movies. That fad went away and when people stopped going to the fucking movies, what do you think that they did? Yep, in the early 50's, they brought it back. They did it again in the 80's. And now it's back again. Are you seeing a trend here? This isn't new technology people! This is ways for movie companies to make shitloads of money when times get hard, and who is paying for it? People that go see these pieces of shit, that's who! All this 3D shit recirculates every thirty years or so and people hop back on the 3D wagon. Well, not this guy. I don't buy into fuckin fads and crazes. Look at the iPhone craze and tell me that the hype and the build up to the all important launch date doesn't fuel that retard rocket to higher sales numbers. Dumb people will fuckin camp out for 5 days to buy a cell phone. A cell phone, that by all standards has some major problems in the antenna and reception department, but morons will shuffle in lines for fuckin hours to have one. Why? Cause it's "cool". <br />
<br />
Ya, how cool do I look? Really cool.<br />
<br />
<img height="213" id="il_fi" src="http://www.csmonitor.com/var/ezflow_site/storage/images/media/images/2010/0324/0324-panasonic-3d-tv/7626591-1-eng-US/0324-Panasonic-3d-tv_full_600.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="320" /><br />
<br />
3D is nothing more than a way to get people back in the seats at the theatre. People have started to move away from the movies with all the shit that is available at home. You can watch pretty much whatever the fuck you want and not leave your house. But then the retards that went to the theaters and spent all their money watching 3D movies can afford to go anymore. Now what? <em>Welllllllllll</em>, now for the low price of several grand, you can watch this stupid shit at home. Oh yeah, 3D televisions are all the new craze. Gotta get me one of those! Yes, now you and your dummy friends can sit around and watch all your 3D favorites from the comfort of your trailer home couch. <br />
<br />
Ummmmmmm, here's the deal. If I wanted to walk around my house wearing fucking sunglasses, I would, but now I can't even watch TV without wearing them? WELL, FUCK YOU!!! If you think I am going to hunt down a pair of fuckin glasses to watch TV, you have lost your fuckin mind! A few years back I had a thing done to my eyes, oh what was it called?!?!? Oh yeah, FUCKIN LASIK EYE SURGERY. You know why? Cause I was tired of wearing glasses, but more importantly hunting down and, holy shit, sitting on them and breaking them. Now you are going to try to sell me a pair that takes batteries and a TV that requires me to wear them? Well, suck a bagful of dicks, cause that is <em>NOT TECHNOLOGY</em>! Call me when you have a TV that is just like the TV I have now, where I don't have to wear battery-powered accessories and we'll talk. If your TV requires any extra equipment and more fuckin batteries....piss off! And don't get me started on 3D video cameras, if your life sucks so much that you have to film it with a camera that makes shit pop of it, then you don't need a camera up to your head, you need a pistol.<br />
<br />
Fuckin James Cameron is to blame for all this shit! His overgrown smurf movie got ALL this 3D BULLSHIT roaring back into the theatres. <br />
<br />
<img height="225" id="il_fi" src="http://g-ecx.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/dvd/fox/avatar/Avatar_Image_5_L.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /><br />
<br />
I thought it was a summer craze, but when all the major TV manufacturers rushed out and started producing this BULLSHIT then you knew it was going to be here for a while. I'm hoping it ends like BetaMax and I can laugh at all the dumb fucks with a 3D TV's sitting in the corner of their garages covered in dust. <br />
<br />
I know by boycotting the whole 3D experience I am probably missing out on some pretty cool 3D movies like........<br />
-Shark Night 3D<br />
-Harold and Kumar Christmas 3D<br />
-Piranha 3D<br />
-Jonas Brothers 3D Concert Experience<br />
-My Bloody Valentine 3D<br />
-Step Up 3D<br />
-Dolphin Tale 3D<br />
-Fright Night 3D<br />
-Spy Kids 3D<br />
-Happy Feet II 3D<br />
<br />
.........and many many more blockbusters and are sure to be talked about twenty years from now.<br />
<br />
Here's the deal, if you can't summon the brain power to provide perspective when you watch a movie and create the third dimension for yourself without it being manufactured, then you don't need to sit in front of a TV, you need to sit in the corner and drool on yourself. 3D is a fucking pointless, expensive, and a overused marketing gimmick! And if you're one of the fucksticks that thinks otherwise and are proud of your 3D camera and TV, then you and James Cameron can put on the stupid battery-powered sunglasses that you have to wear just to watch TV, and have a gander at this......<br />
<br />
<img src="http://data.whicdn.com/images/8653044/tumblr_lizx0mKjaq1qcpfgto1_500_thumb.jpg" /><br />
<br />
Cause 3D is BULLSHIT!!!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1oTH5CxD3eAXcdPqHIdqFPn_6UjR5QdT3ymqS46wLcRCBbZkpZgxmqBtUloL36UUoAFP_OFNYIfCZgrVYrB6W6CUxOsuhztVq8o7puqe9T3B28eKf-WSxqW5nEHv4OVdltJhGH8OniYdT/s1600/Stamp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" dda="true" height="111" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1oTH5CxD3eAXcdPqHIdqFPn_6UjR5QdT3ymqS46wLcRCBbZkpZgxmqBtUloL36UUoAFP_OFNYIfCZgrVYrB6W6CUxOsuhztVq8o7puqe9T3B28eKf-WSxqW5nEHv4OVdltJhGH8OniYdT/s200/Stamp.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Cyber Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09875545684822843434noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2610727883973150952.post-36819271226507661302011-12-21T08:53:00.001-06:002011-12-27T08:01:46.059-06:00Fat People with Handicap StickersHanding out Handicap Stickers to Fat People is BULLSHIT!!!<br />
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<img height="265" id="il_fi" src="http://www.abc.net.au/reslib/201012/r687631_5145441.JPG" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /><br />
<br />
This time of year I spend WAY more time going into places to buy shit for Christmas. And every time I drive into the parking lot, there are like 57 parking spots just for handicap people. Could there be any more fucking spots out front, right by the door, that have a blue square painted on them!?! Holy shit, I can't imagine that there are that many handicap people in this town? That's cause there's not! The handicap spots are all taken by extremely overweight fuckin people! <br />
<br />
Occasionally, I will see a van lowering a ramp down with a disabled child in a wheelchair and I think that it is good that those spots are there, so that his mother doesn't have to push him a long way. <em>BUT, </em>93% of the time, I walk past the handicap spots and there is a woman with a FUPA (Fat Upper Pussy Area) getting out of her car immediately onto the scooters that the store provides these fat fucks! <br />
<br />
<img alt="" class="rg_hi" data-height="190" data-width="266" height="285" id="rg_hi" src="https://encrypted-tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRtjsOeDirGEpFbxkjwTH-_jilr62aKnDCFxakRAy1Muslz9vmP" style="height: 190px; width: 266px;" width="400" /><br />
<br />
There is a reason that your ass hangs 18" off each side of the seat! It was designed to fit little old crippled ladies who need to go to the store for milk. I walk by you in the store and the mini cart attached to your fat ride couldn't fit one more Little Debbie product in it! <br />
<br />
<img height="319" id="il_fi" src="http://www.ufovideo.net/WALMART_BEAUTIFUL_AMERICA.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /><br />
<br />
Here's the deal, handicap parking spaces are there for a reason. Some people really can't move their limbs or are missing them all together! They drive their wheelchairs around by blowing into a tube or have their wrist strapped to a Nintendo joystick. And they actually have wheelchairs they bought. I know that concept escapes you cause buying a wheelchair takes money out of the Twinkie fund, but they roll into the store and right past the scooters that are sitting there. Hell, some of them walk around with mechanical fuckin limbs! You gettin my point fatty!?!<br />
<br />
<img height="400" id="il_fi" src="http://cdn.c.photoshelter.com/img-get/I0000a8zn3mWxVcM/s/750/600/0712C071.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="268" /><img height="240" id="il_fi" src="http://www.rio2016.org.br/sites/default/files/imagecache/440x330_rounded_corners/clique_paraolimpico/concurso_01.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="320" /><br />
<br />
Take a look at these two, one is missing a leg and skiing and the other is missing her shit from the waist down and is competing in the paraolympics! You can't get out of your car and walk into a store without collasping so you send someone in to drive out a fat scooter and pick you up like fuckin valet.<br />
<br />
I place a lot of the blame for this BULLSHIT on the State Dept for handing out handicap stickers to fat people like they are fuckin samples at Sam's Club. But, most of the blame lands on fatty for shoveling that 3rd bucket of chicken down your throat hole and even having the nerve to apply for a handicap sticker cause your obese!<br />
<br />
Here's the thing Gilbert Grape's Mom, when they have to hoist you into bed with a motherfuckin cherry picker, it's time to put the ding dongs down! This bitch looks awfully happy to be placed into bed by something that looks like it came off the Ford assembly line!<br />
<br />
<img height="383" id="il_fi" src="http://www.societiesmirror.com/image/funny-pictures/1104/you-arent-handicapped-you-are-fat-funny-pictures-1302208955.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /><br />
<br />
Fatties are all to happy to be moved around by pieces of motorized equipment that way they burn no calories what so ever! And when the ice age returns we will be fucked and fatty can ride it out on the 38.5 year supply of body fat that they have stored up.<br />
<br />
If anything, fat people should get handicap stickers, but they should be orange and have orange parking spots ALL THE WAY AT THE BACK OF THE FUCKIN PARKING LOT! Out in the north forty where no one wants to park anyway! Then they can have double-wide parking spaces, but more importantly then they have to actually walk their fat asses a couple of hundred feet to the scooters!<br />
<br />
But we all know that won't happen, cause the lawsuits would be a flyin. So we can all just glare at those bastards as they block the isles with their fatmobiles with backup sirens and know that they are look right back at us thinking...............<br />
<br />
THEY SEE ME ROLLIN,<br />
<img height="400" id="il_fi" src="http://completeoutrage.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/hoveround.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="316" /><br />
THEY HATIN!!!!<br />
<br />
Cause Handicap Stickers for Fat People are BULLSHIT!!!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-d1ef1gYASpKbQqNdOBLOhKGGcZJMd3UC7kPRxVggNN_Lq1Bln-mReQ1JCvtAbc_e2OUYmdK6qZCLfdy9HnLzD1ZQxneaz5EMfINk-Z-XH-uNqq0fjdF5Z3nyICeb5n_Cs7IXubvH2fU0/s1600/Stamp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="111" oda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-d1ef1gYASpKbQqNdOBLOhKGGcZJMd3UC7kPRxVggNN_Lq1Bln-mReQ1JCvtAbc_e2OUYmdK6qZCLfdy9HnLzD1ZQxneaz5EMfINk-Z-XH-uNqq0fjdF5Z3nyICeb5n_Cs7IXubvH2fU0/s200/Stamp.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Cyber Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09875545684822843434noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2610727883973150952.post-55378442809344702952011-12-02T11:09:00.001-06:002011-12-05T11:10:09.151-06:00YWKWB LETTERS: Dear Salvation Army Bell Ringer<img height="300" id="il_fi" src="http://blogs.seattleweekly.com/dailyweekly/bell%20ringer.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /><br />
<br />
Dear Salvation Army Bell Ringer,<br />
<br />
While I fully support your cause and charity, do you have to ring that bell so fucking loud? Holy shit, you get my left ear going into the store and my right ear coming out! We all know you're there! You're the fuckin guy with the bright red vest, the pot dangling off the stick, and you're standing in the fuckin front door....SAW ya! If you think that you have to ring that loud ass bell to get my attention, you're sadly mistaken. Your bell is fucking annoying.....quit it! You have this shit all backwards anyways, what you should be doing is have people give money to keep you from ringing that fuckin bell! I would gladly throw a buck in if I thought it would shut you up, you loud fuck! There are lots of ways to get me to give you money and making unnecessarily loud noises isn't one of them. Save the bells for boat harbors and railroad crossings and take up air guitar lessons.<br />
<br />
Cause your loud bell ringing is BULLSHIT!!!<br />
<br />
Regards,<br />
YWKWB<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLJO-_Xuhd7266mIXZdJ1-RZnG8cYAQPMj_aPJ9FfkUSqTXmlQgMvZczn79235K2Z8TU80UkY_9N05rDM9ehfJ6CeJSea3Ac8rFugTZps6vlDKwsTgi37fTaXkcyw87x6hVFtt57eoQMpI/s1600/Stamp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" dda="true" height="111" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLJO-_Xuhd7266mIXZdJ1-RZnG8cYAQPMj_aPJ9FfkUSqTXmlQgMvZczn79235K2Z8TU80UkY_9N05rDM9ehfJ6CeJSea3Ac8rFugTZps6vlDKwsTgi37fTaXkcyw87x6hVFtt57eoQMpI/s200/Stamp.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Cyber Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09875545684822843434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2610727883973150952.post-2058469537994702012011-12-02T10:51:00.001-06:002011-12-21T07:26:26.266-06:00YWKWB QUICKIE: The Duggar FamilyThe Duggar <strike>Cult</strike> Family is BULLSHIT!!!<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><img height="425" id="il_fi" src="http://www.aceshowbiz.com/images/news/the-duggars-20th-child-expected-to-be-born-this-spring.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="640" /></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Hey Duggar Family....fuckin knock it off! It's called a vagina, not a clown car! It's fucking crazy enough that all your names start with 'J' without there being 20 of you fuckers! And sweet baby Jesus, get a haircut you crazy bitch!</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz6_GFv4lj4nUcvb_nMLGtTB3It4ctBEs-QUW7jgqH7UP6541IUZ8bbSeyGuekk2zuUcHjaKZdOcpBnCcdV9M1Od9ootNBENb1Fdzo8rTobzZC2r3Q-8W7Xp7HIGcW64iYuNen0xeYNVUe/s1600/Stamp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" dda="true" height="111" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz6_GFv4lj4nUcvb_nMLGtTB3It4ctBEs-QUW7jgqH7UP6541IUZ8bbSeyGuekk2zuUcHjaKZdOcpBnCcdV9M1Od9ootNBENb1Fdzo8rTobzZC2r3Q-8W7Xp7HIGcW64iYuNen0xeYNVUe/s200/Stamp.jpg" style="cursor: move;" unselectable="on" width="200" /></a> </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div>Cyber Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09875545684822843434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2610727883973150952.post-90620349055350465072011-11-30T13:38:00.000-06:002011-11-30T13:38:38.218-06:00YWKWB LETTERS: Dear Boise State<img src="http://cdn3.sbnation.com/photo_images/1059078/44007_Boise_State_Camp_Football.jpg" /><br />
Dear Boise State,<br />
<br />
Your football field fucking SUCKS! Every time I try to watch your games on ESPN, the train wreck that you call a field fucks with my eyes and makes me want to throw up! Stop it already with the fuckin bright blue football field! Even in HD the first down markers and line of scrimmage are all fucked up on my TV and it makes watching any of your games a chore. Grow some of the regular grass......you know, FUCKIN GREEN and knock it off with the cute blue field that you so dearly refer to as "smurf turf". Every time I hear smurf turf, it makes me think of Smurfette's bush. It's fucking queer and getting old and your uniforms blend in cause they are the same color as the field! It's like watching a hunter walk through the woods in full camo. You know he's there, but you can't quite see him. Here's an idea I"ll just toss out there, hows bout putting in some orange and blue chairs in the stands like every other team does with their stadium and stop fucking with the color of grass, cause your blue field is BULLSHIT!!!<br />
<br />
Regards,<br />
YWKWB<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIpORArAg3d81bl5EVR5RvTEEqn1qrt_KMazopbOiaX1WC2Z-WF3SeviF-pQBmeURu9si2XA8j6oUlWRmk-KLkiwxwcOZ_nJoLCckjZmVAaeMW_sU_darkLQrcQLXiiWZyZlk4RNjcBc36/s1600/Stamp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" dda="true" height="111px" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIpORArAg3d81bl5EVR5RvTEEqn1qrt_KMazopbOiaX1WC2Z-WF3SeviF-pQBmeURu9si2XA8j6oUlWRmk-KLkiwxwcOZ_nJoLCckjZmVAaeMW_sU_darkLQrcQLXiiWZyZlk4RNjcBc36/s200/Stamp.jpg" width="200px" /></a></div>Cyber Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09875545684822843434noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2610727883973150952.post-2497697769105263262011-11-07T13:59:00.001-06:002011-11-07T14:02:12.178-06:00Black FridayBlack Friday is BULLSHIT!!!<br />
<br />
<img height="81px" src="http://blog.robertsimaging.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/black-friday-09.png" width="320px" /><br />
<img height="312px" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilMiWrK7iI7blC48RYB_xPk4kkc_94kSrD-8AuG5GPW_Kngp29RnrxHIuZ1BhI9OTwBvtTB-Y0pBgHpWU03HY2CRAkTeVACZpS1yyec94vljMl_Rg0mHHteQMOt2owGzreZojDNATriox5/s320/crazy_bargain_shoppers_new_york_city_2.jpg" width="320px" /><br />
<br />
They say that the molecule in turkey, tryptophan, can make people feel drowsy after turkey dinner. When ingested, tryptophan is converted to serotonin, which is a hormone responsible for making people feel good. But, serotonin does not only make us happy, it also makes us calm and relaxed, and in some cases sleepy. <br />
<br />
Well........all I can guess is that these motherfuckers didn't eat enough fuckin turkey!!!<br />
<br />
<img height="265px" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhO-EGTjdVgZp4SPhIVDYT84RI-BoV6lF2cWuLL_sR6WNl_3SwLdRnHeiqXdLEjRcSCUMUK4B2RJEJPEYpPT_JjVP8fFMRJjYFIv7R3e2OT6X5q0bsvbhz5SXbnrMkWZ8t8fWCBd6TtpI/s400/black-friday-crush.jpg" width="400px" /><br />
<br />
HOLY SHIT! I must be missin out....FUCK! What did I miss? Are they giving away bundled up hundred dollar bills? Shit, I knew I should have woke up at 3:00am and went down to Target. Wait a minute....is that a digital camera? That is what everyone is dying to grab up!?! A fuckin digital camera? You mean like the one that I have built into my cellphone? That digital camera? It's not a new type of camera that, like, spits out $20 dollar bills every time I press the button is it? Cause now I am REALLY kicking my self for not waking up at 3:00am to do this.................<br />
<br />
<img src="http://www.plasticjungle.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/black-friday.jpg" /><br />
<br />
If I had only rolled out of bed at 3:00am, I could have a camera that spits out $20 dollar bills every time I press the button and that wou..........wait what? You're saying it doesn't spit out $20 dollar bills every time the button is pushed. Well then it must do something really cool, like if I pres...........no, your saying no it doesn't do anything special. It is just a camera? That is it? <br />
<br />
Well then......YOU ARE ALL <strong>FUCKING...........RETARDS</strong>!!!<br />
<br />
I haven't seen these many fucking idiots lined up for stupid shit since American Idol came to town.<br />
<br />
There must be a reason that ALL these fucking idiots show up to one place at the same time to buy digital cameras and flat screen TV's. OH, I see! The digital camera is 20% OFF. Holy SHIT! Deal of the century, where are my car keys, I have to get down there.<br />
<br />
<img src="http://shopgala.com/couponblog/wp-content/uploads/gift%20stampede.jpg" /><br />
<br />
FUCK ME! Are all these fucking idiots trying to get cameras, too? How many cameras did they say they would have? A pallet of 50!?! That is it? But why would they only bring 50 in if they knew that all these people would want one?<br />
<br />
I'll tell you why......Supply and Demand motherfucker! Pretty simple business concept, you might have heard of it. If Walmart brings in 300 cameras, people could just stroll in and maybe take a look around and eventually make their way over to the electronics and pick themselves up a digital camera. Walmart might not sell them out then and they might be left with 157 cameras that didn't sell. BUT.........if they only bring in 50 and put it in the paper that they will only have 50..........idiots will be on them like a Somalian on a steak dinner. Guaranteed sellout.<br />
<br />
Yeah, fat ladies will punch each other in the face for stupid shit like this:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://blog.oregonlive.com/pdxgreen/2008/11/elmo.jpg&imgrefurl=http://blog.oregonlive.com/pdxgreen/2008/11/portland_businesses_try_to_add.html&usg=__uTDn0C2gDWBmP1i3LsS2Ky5RZdo=&h=1024&w=710&sz=231&hl=en&start=94&sig2=2cxexHZRIrfvYM8TPXNzdw&zoom=1&tbnid=Qy2Ry7KRW-A6lM:&tbnh=150&tbnw=104&ei=ALSqTv79NM7CsQLegYWEDw&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dblack%2Bfriday%2Bcrush%26start%3D84%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26tbm%3Disch&um=1&itbs=1"><img height="200px" src="http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT0ZfRiuBN6TOxdz871JidP0a051Z9HrRmr965frzIlQOZq5J1ioKgXCtci" width="138px" /></a><br />
<br />
Here's the deal......Why do you have to save all of your money in one day? Quick thought, how bout you cut back from 2 packs of Camel no filters to one a day and take that $1275.00 you would save and go buy whatever the fuck you want on a Tuesday afternoon when you can actually walk around the store and shop? Or stop buying your cafe mocha at Starbucks every fuckin day and take that $1275.00 and get online and find the best price on a quality digital camera. Cause the Coby Digital Camera you just bought is a piece of shit! Just a thought dumbass!<br />
<br />
Next time you want to camp out in front of Walmart for your $68 Lexmark printer, have a look at <a href="http://www.ranker.com/list/13-most-brutal-black-friday-injuries-and-deaths/john-barryman">what could easily happen to you</a>.<br />
<br />
<br />
Here's the deal, I would gladly pay twice what they are asking for their shit if I can sleep in on friday and not be anywhere near this:<br />
<br />
<img height="211px" src="http://blog.mlive.com/news_impact/2008/11/large_black-friday-shoppers.jpg" width="320px" /><br />
<br />
<strong><em><img height="219px" src="http://media.mlive.com/businessreview/western_impact/photo/black-friday-shoppers-at-target-2008-cc0a57052effc98d_large.jpg" width="320px" /></em></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><em><img height="190px" src="http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/4/2008/11/medium_black_friday_trample_lg.jpg" width="320px" /></em></strong><br />
<br />
Fuck Grandma, there are only 17 cameras left!<br />
<br />
Nothing like old ladies getting trampled to death to get you in the spirit!<br />
<br />
<strong>Everyone together:</strong><em> "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas......"</em> <br />
<br />
Black Friday......what a load of BULLSHIT!!!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-d1ef1gYASpKbQqNdOBLOhKGGcZJMd3UC7kPRxVggNN_Lq1Bln-mReQ1JCvtAbc_e2OUYmdK6qZCLfdy9HnLzD1ZQxneaz5EMfINk-Z-XH-uNqq0fjdF5Z3nyICeb5n_Cs7IXubvH2fU0/s1600/Stamp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="111px" ida="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-d1ef1gYASpKbQqNdOBLOhKGGcZJMd3UC7kPRxVggNN_Lq1Bln-mReQ1JCvtAbc_e2OUYmdK6qZCLfdy9HnLzD1ZQxneaz5EMfINk-Z-XH-uNqq0fjdF5Z3nyICeb5n_Cs7IXubvH2fU0/s200/Stamp.jpg" width="200px" /></a></div><strong><em> </em></strong><strong><br />
</strong>Cyber Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09875545684822843434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2610727883973150952.post-65658060294675679342011-10-14T14:25:00.000-05:002011-10-14T14:25:55.421-05:00FACEBOOK FriendsFACEBOOK Friends are BULLSHIT!!!<br />
<br />
<img height="187px" src="http://www.tipsone.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/5005d9ca47cebook.jpg" width="320px" /><br />
<br />
Let me start out by clarifying, I do NOT have a Facebook page nor will I be getting one in the near future. I have no fuckin use for Facebook. I'm not saying that Facebook doesn't have its uses.............Hang on, I'm trying to think of one.......give me a minute......or 60. <br />
<br />
Facebook has fuckin exploded, no doubt. Everyone has Facebook. "Facebook me" people say. "Follow me on Facebook". "Follow US on Facebook". "Did you see her Facebook status?" "Look what they wrote on my Wall". I can't go the store for milk without hearing someone say the word "Facebook" or seeing that stupid fuckin blue square. <br />
<img height="200px" src="http://marketshotnyc.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/Fa1cebook-1icon-300x300.png" width="200px" /><br />
But even all that I can live with. What I can't live with are the fuckin idiots that count their friends and base social status by how many so-called "friends" they have. <br />
<br />
They might say.....<br />
<em>"I have over 600 friends on Facebook!"</em><br />
<br />
Here's the thing dipshit, I don't know 600 people, and if your honest with yourself, you don't either. If I did, I wouldn't remember all their names, you know why? Cause their NOT my fucking friends, they are acquaintances. I don't have 600 friends, you know why? CAUSE THAT'S TOO MANY FUCKIN FRIENDS, THAT'S WHY!!! I don't have enough time on my hands to hang out with the 15-20 people I would consider friends right now. What the fuck would I do if I had 600 of them. I would have to quit my job just to have enough time to spend with them to continue our friendship. Who the fuck would claim to have 600 friends? A fuckin loser, that's who. The person in school that had NO friends, but talked to everyone in the school and ran locker to locker the last day of school trying to get everyone to sign their yearbook. A person who truly only has 2 friends, but got online and sent invites to every fuckin person that they have EVER met. Everyone they went to High School with, everyone they work at the Walmart with, and everyone that knows someone that those people know. I mean give me a fuckin break. The people that get the invites feel like they have to accept it cause they knew that person in High School and would feel guilty if they didn't accept it and that person killed themselves. <br />
<br />
<img height="200px" src="http://www.tyvm.eu/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Facebook-bulk-add-friends.png" width="197px" /><br />
<br />
News Flash: You don't have 600 friends, you have 600 acquaintances. That means you have met that person at least once and/or were formally introduced to them inside a social setting. That does not mean that you are now friends. When the waitress comes up to my table at a restaurant and says "Hi, I'm Mandy and I'll be your server tonight". I don't run home and Facebook her just because we have been introduced.<br />
<br />
If someone tells you they have 600 Facebook friends, here is what they are really saying:<br />
<br />
200 of them are people they met once.<br />
125 of them are people they partied with once.<br />
75 they went to High School with.<br />
50 are friends with one of their friends.<br />
50 are coworkers.<br />
30 are friends of their parents.<br />
20 are people they went to Band, Math, or Space camp with.<br />
5 they have had sex with.<br />
5 are milestone accepts so they could break the 200 or 350 friend mark.<br />
25 are friends that they have their phone number, but haven't talked to since college.<br />
and 15 are ACTUAL FRIENDS!<br />
<br />
It's all a numbers game. It's like when you were a kid and you were playing Super Mario Brothers and you get the high score. What do your friends do? They try to beat it. Same thing on Facebook, people are just trying to get the next high score.<br />
<br />
Mary: "How many friends do you have?"<br />
Susan: "I'm up to 523!"<br />
Mary: "Oh, well I have 614".<br />
Then Susan runs to the computer and tries to think of people she has meet, maybe even once in her life, that she can invite to start to try to beat Mary's "high score".<br />
<br />
<img height="240px" src="http://blogs.cornell.edu/newmedia11jf385/files/2011/03/6a00d8341c4df253ef0115709400d7970c-800wi.jpg" width="320px" /><br />
<br />
Here's the deal, we are throwing the word "friend" around pretty fuckin loosely these days. A friend is someone that you could call at 2:30 in the morning drunk off your ass and that person would come and pick you up. A friend would come over and help change the spark plugs in your car. A friend is someone that knows your fuckin birthday without a pop up reminder from a stupid website. A friend is someone that has your phone number and you have theirs. A friend is someone that you have talked to in the last six months, and I mean actually talked to, like using your mouth with words and sentences. Those are friends.<br />
<br />
Just like cell phones totally fucked my chances of ever remembering another telephone number, Facebook is turning friends into a number that you never hear from unless you read where their status says they are pregnant or got a new job. That is shit that people used to call and tell you. You know on the phone. The phone......ya that thing you type on......it also makes calls. <br />
<br />
So next time it's your "friends" birthday, pick up the fuckin telephone. And if you don't have their phone number....they're NOT your friend. Erase them from your high score and try again. <br />
<br />
Cause Facebook "Friends" are BULLSHIT!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh-JDLYeEFgK0GWsgmFEX-cVB9MuNihEKBfnpxcXLfsik9wp8dwWSPLHbgaI7Wf1H1ZPot4CQisMQweF2CIQ2hCIb5BZiP9sehyphenhyphenbrjSoPWc-9lW9MCcoAwRVhqhcVEyEmX0JZX9WaS5PKK/s1600/Stamp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="111px" oda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh-JDLYeEFgK0GWsgmFEX-cVB9MuNihEKBfnpxcXLfsik9wp8dwWSPLHbgaI7Wf1H1ZPot4CQisMQweF2CIQ2hCIb5BZiP9sehyphenhyphenbrjSoPWc-9lW9MCcoAwRVhqhcVEyEmX0JZX9WaS5PKK/s200/Stamp.jpg" width="200px" /></a></div>Cyber Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09875545684822843434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2610727883973150952.post-36369514372184172692011-09-16T21:05:00.000-05:002011-09-16T21:05:08.957-05:00Car window stickersCar window stickers are BULLSHIT!!!<br />
<br />
<img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB3MgnCIhWfnWlwHXnF33DucaSCkjM_UT2VVuuylfrejjL2A9g814VgbXLNrn_6d-Rf0tdWMbDCIMuQs4C5D1qaUKhyphenhyphen5VT97N966pwW0GG2DLRtVVVn7_KkXyrjUjDskT2I43ZC_2OIiQ/s400/car+window+stickers.jpg" /><br />
<br />
I don't know why, but car window stickers piss me off! I mean why do people have to force their lives on me when I drive behind them on the road. There are tons of bullshit stickers that people put in their windows, but some are just fuckin annoying! It was hard to narrow the list to a few, but these are the ones that I see more often than others and are just plain BULLSHIT.<br />
<br />
<img height="197" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4Xn2xsJSTz0APLXoA886-8hjnnJMrVGsdYWhfGoS2OIvHDB7XqAyj4ot2x2Pw_Hz7AEp1fmwS8U_PzIcrOW3-i-bvA7Vt6zgPtfowGuojjLhBifAOdnt6TCHmQVuUpBLp7XCrDYikCw/s200/baby_on_board.gif" width="200" /><br />
Baby on Board signs are fuckin stupid. What exactly are the purpose of these? Is it to let me know that you have a baby in your car so I won't ram you off the road. Cause I was totally gonna fuckin plow into you on the highway, but at the last second I say the yellow diamond letting me know that you have an infant somewhere in your car. If you didn't have that sticker I was gonna just jerk the fuckin wheel and ram your ass into the next bridge embankment. That was the best investment your family could of made otherwise it was going to be a slaughtering. Give me a fuckin break. So the other humans in the car didn't matter until the new human was born and the warning is posted so now your car is safe? BULLSHIT!<br />
<img height="400" src="http://images8.cpcache.com/product/32121248v38_480x480_Front.jpg" width="400" /><br />
How bout these fucks that have this stupid bullshit on their car like they are part of a exclusive club. A club so exclusive they is has abbreviations that no one knows. LP? What is that Liquid Propane? Little People? Large Pussy? Wait, there is something under it. Let's see if I can drive a littler closer and read this shit........OH! Lake Placid. You know , where the giant alligator ate all those people in the movie. I gotcha. It's fuckin stupid, but I gotcha. Who are these assholes that feel like we need to abbreviate everything. Since we text stupid shit like WTF, LOL, and OMG, I have to try to decipher your fuckin puzzle sticker on your car? You know the first thing that comes to mind when you say LP..........<em>Lake Placid</em>. I'll wait for that one to catch on dumbass.<br />
<br />
<img src="http://www.customlabels4u.com/images-decals/sample.gif" /><br />
<br />
Hey look, I'm immortalizing my entire family in stick figures, pets included! Well isn't this great! Now everyone will know a little about the fam even if we don't give a fuck. This is great cause now I know that Pete and Tina met in a bar and hooked up and had Izzie and Jonah, and then bought Merlin and Tigger for their kids. Isn't that great? Here is a few things that this sticker does. Say a child molester spots your kid at the park, you pick them up in your van with the queer sticker on it and he follows you home. Now he knows where you live, how many people are in the house, what everyones name is and if you have any pets. You gave him all that with one fuckin sticker, idiot! Sometimes this sticker comes in handy when I'm driving down the highway and some asshole in front of me is doin 61 in a 70. Then when I pass them, I can go "Hey, Pete nice drivin asshole!" Or, "Hey Pete, who taught you how to drive, Tina?" It has it's uses.<br />
<img height="400" src="http://rlv.zcache.com/pomeranian_dog_silhouette_sticker-p217520234396044795w8mph_400.jpg" width="400" /><br />
This one is bullshit for the same reasons as the abbreviated sticker above. Only here's the deal, I'm not the fuckin dog whisperer. I don't know all the breeds of dogs just by looking at their silhouettes. At least the LP sticker told me what the fuck it was talking about. This is a pile of fur with four legs under it. I'm suppose to first, know what the fuck dog this is and second, pull up and ask it's name? Dog owners!?! I don't get this bullshit, but whatever.<br />
<br />
<img src="http://www.marketingwithmeaning.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/apple-sticker.jpg" /><br />
<br />
This sticker is for the asshole who actually takes the time to learn Mac OS and carries around his stupid notebook with the fuckin glowing apple on it. If that wasn't enough, he thinks that you give a fuck about his preference on computer systems. I couldn't possibilty give a fuck if you prefer to search for your gay porn on a Mac or a PC. This is the same asshole you see in your local wifi coffee shop playing World of Warcraft with his pretend friends. He also goes home every night a checks his Match.com profile only to find no hits again before he starts writing his HTML code for the digital girlfriend he created. And to this guy I say...<br />
<html><br />
<body><br />
<h1>My First Heading</h1><br />
<p>Fuck you and your stupid apple sticker<p><br />
</body><br />
</html><br />
<img height="320" src="http://images7.cpcache.com/product/282362137v1_480x480_Front.jpg" width="320" /><img height="320" src="http://www.marathon-training-program.com/image-files/bump_big_26.2_plain.jpg" width="320" /><br />
And then there are these assholes. Who came up with <span style="background-color: yellow;">this </span>BULLSHIT? What is this an AM station that I'm not aware of? Is it the driver's IQ, cause that would make sense. Oh, I see....it's how many miles are in a full marathon. Well at least it's a nice round number. Lets see here, if 3.1 miles is a 5K, then 26.2 is.........a 42.195K? That is some fucked up shit. This all goes back to the <a href="http://youwannaknowwhatsbullshit.blogspot.com/2011/04/mixed-metric-system.html">mixed up metric system</a> that I talked about. I would really like to know of all the assholes that I see with one of these on their cars, how many ever actually ran a marathon? Cause I can buy a sticker and slap it on my car, too. Big fuckin deal. My other question is if there are 26.2 stickers, who are the pussies putting 3.1 stickers for their cars? That is not what I would be bragging about. Maybe it's their kids GPA, who gives a shit.<br />
<br />
All those stickers are bullshit, but the worst is when they pair up two or three of this fuckin things on one car. Those fuckers that tell you their kids and dogs names, let you know they own a Mac, and in their spare time they like to run 3.1 miles for no reason. Those fuckers I would like to plow into a damn bridge embankment.........you know, unless there's a Baby on Board.<br />
<br />
Cause your window stickers are BULLSHIT!!!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLJO-_Xuhd7266mIXZdJ1-RZnG8cYAQPMj_aPJ9FfkUSqTXmlQgMvZczn79235K2Z8TU80UkY_9N05rDM9ehfJ6CeJSea3Ac8rFugTZps6vlDKwsTgi37fTaXkcyw87x6hVFtt57eoQMpI/s1600/Stamp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="111" j8="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLJO-_Xuhd7266mIXZdJ1-RZnG8cYAQPMj_aPJ9FfkUSqTXmlQgMvZczn79235K2Z8TU80UkY_9N05rDM9ehfJ6CeJSea3Ac8rFugTZps6vlDKwsTgi37fTaXkcyw87x6hVFtt57eoQMpI/s200/Stamp.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Cyber Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09875545684822843434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2610727883973150952.post-7898718440233345802011-08-11T15:29:00.004-05:002011-08-19T14:27:20.112-05:00When Neighbors Move AwayNeighbors moving away is BULLSHIT!!! <br />
<img height="252px" src="http://media.lawrence.com/img/photos/2011/07/06/frat_houses_01_t640.JPG?a6ea3ebd4438a44b86d2e9c39ecf7613005fe067" width="400px" /><br />
<br />
So a month ago my neighbors next door let us know that they are moving back to their hometown in a month cause the husband took a job back there. He said he needed a new town for his new start...........he's selling VCR's in Arkansas at a Walmart. I think that's what he said......I wasn't really listening after they told us they were moving and for some reason all I could hear was a piano playing and Collin Raye singing in the background.<br />
<br />
I mean they just dropped a bomb on us, those sons-a-bitches. It sucks too, cause they were really cool neighbors. They moved up here like a year an a half ago and we hit it off right away. You can always tell when you're going to get along with people right off the bat. It was good times. They were from small towns just like us, we both had kids, they like to do the same things and had crazy stories of shit they've done just like us. We could talk about anything and everything from nutty-as-a-squirrel turd moms to colostomy bags.<br />
<br />
<img height="200px" src="http://www.testdeveloper.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/colostomybag.jpg" width="197px" /><br />
P.S. - watch out for drunk Mexicans in bars in the south.<br />
<br />
So, yea these weren't your run of the mill everyday boring wool sock wearing neighbors.<br />
<br />
<img height="199px" src="http://crujonessociety.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/rogers.jpg" width="200px" /><br />
<br />
These were cool-as-fuck hang out every night and grill out all the time put the kids to bed and get drunk together neighbors. You don't find those everyday, ya know? These were neighbors that we would sit out in the yard and drink like it was fuckin dessert every night. Just sit out and enjoy the weather, yell at the kids to get out of the fuckin street, and drink beer. You can't pick your neighbors they say, but somehow if I could I would of picked these. <br />
<br />
Now its all changed. They packed their shit, slapped it in a truck, and hit the fuckin road. They're gone. Tail lights fading off in the distance. The only thing I have to remember them by is a used trampoline and some blue hospital towels. I really don't think they have thought all this through though. There is all kinds of shit they are going to miss. <br />
<br />
Where they are moving....the nearest Waffle House is like 10 miles away! Now when they are all drunked up at 2:00 in the morning good luck finding that motherfucker! Our Waffle House is like a half mile away. Jackass! Sausage, Egg, and Cheese Sandwich......Bitch!!! What are they thinking?<br />
<br />
<img height="412px" src="http://thedarjeelingexpress.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/19896_waffle_house_menu.jpg" width="640px" /><br />
<br />
And the county that they are moving back to is a DRY COUNTY! Are you fucking shitting me?!?!? A dry county? What is this, 1926? Hey Hempstead county! Fuckin news flash!<br />
<br />
<img height="236px" src="http://tville2a.wikispaces.com/file/view/prohibition-ends.jpg" width="320px" /><br />
Dumb fuckin rednecks!<br />
<br />
And I don't know who is going to feed their fucking wart-toed dog when they go to the beach? I mean who the fuck else can make 47 pieces of dog food last for a week? I submit no one!<br />
<img height="320px" src="http://us.123rf.com/400wm/400/400/beardean/beardean0709/beardean070900033/1693993-dog-food-empty.jpg" width="212px" /><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
And what the fuck are they going to do with that snow shovel they bought at Lowes, ya dumb sumbitch? Didn't think that one through, did ya dipshit!?! <br />
<br />
<img src="http://hhpblog.s3.amazonaws.com/blog/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/snow_shoveling1.jpg" /><br />
Now ya got this fucking snow shovel just sitting around doin nothing! Maybe you can scoop wart-toed dog shit out of the yard, I don't know!<br />
<br />
Didn't think about all that shit, did ya IGNERT......BASTERDS!<br />
<br />
I guess its for the best. I was gettin tired of hanging out on the back deck, grillin dinner, and watchin the kids jump on the trampoline as the sun dropped behind the trees and me finishing my 8th beer. Shitty moments like that make me wonder why I haven't moved yet? <br />
<br />
But now they are gone. The house next door is empty. So is my beer fridge..........and right now I don't really see a reason to go buy more.<br />
<br />
Oh well...............I guess I'll just go for a drive or somethin cause my cool neighbors moved away and that is BULLSHIT!!!<br />
<br />
<em>I'm chillin' on a dirt road,<br />
Laid back swervin' like I'm George Jones.<br />
Smoke rollin' out the window,<br />
An' ice cold beer sittin' in the console.</em><br />
<em>Memory lane up in the headlights,<br />
It's got me <strong>reminiscing on them good times</strong>.................</em><br />
<img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5120/5899697087_191eddd900.jpg" /><br />
<br />
<img border="0" height="111px" naa="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh-JDLYeEFgK0GWsgmFEX-cVB9MuNihEKBfnpxcXLfsik9wp8dwWSPLHbgaI7Wf1H1ZPot4CQisMQweF2CIQ2hCIb5BZiP9sehyphenhyphenbrjSoPWc-9lW9MCcoAwRVhqhcVEyEmX0JZX9WaS5PKK/s200/Stamp.jpg" width="200px" />Cyber Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09875545684822843434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2610727883973150952.post-38239684013426359952011-07-05T15:39:00.002-05:002011-11-14T08:02:16.424-06:00iTunes softwareiTunes software is BULLSHIT!!!<br />
<img height="200px" src="http://cdn.macrumors.com/article/2010/09/03/145454-itunes_10_icon.jpg" width="200px" /><br />
Before we get started, YES I do have an iPod. In fact, we own two, one is mine and the other is my wife's. The <em>iPod</em> is great and I love the size of it and the amount of music it holds. I love that we can listen to music in the car on long trips and I can take my music to work with me and listen to it there. There are so many uses for the iPod it is just too hard to list them all. Oh, I forgot the best part, I love how if you touch <em>ANY</em> folder in your library subdirectories, iTunes takes your music library, playlists, and song ratings out back behind the shed and fucks them like a dollar whore. I mean seriously Apple, WHAT THE FUCK!?! <br />
<br />
For having one of the most advanced pieces of technology in the last decade, you would think that Apple would invest some of the billions that they make off of these things and provide some decent fuckin user software to go along with it. NO, what do we get? iTunes, the most anti-user friendly piece of shit I have have ever seen. Now don't get me wrong, the finding the music part and actually downloading it isn't bad. It could be better, but I'll leave that alone. It is the behind the scenes part of the software that is total fuckin BULLSHIT! <br />
<br />
If you have an iTunes account and you have more than one iPod in the house, you are fucked! You know why? Cause in all their infinite wisdom, Apple still can't figure out a way to have two iPods on the same computer with seperate accounts. WHAT!?! Yea, that totally makes sense. "See here at Apple, we only want to sell one iPod per household. Any more and it gets complicated." No that's not their business strategy. They want everyone in the world to have three of 'em. So don't you think more than one might exist in a couple of households across America? So why can't I have separate syncs and separate accounts for multiple iPods in iTunes on one computer you fuckin idiots? Seriously, are you that stupid Apple!?! Now there are assholes out there that tell you how to have multiple <em><strong>libraries</strong></em> in iTunes. And to them I say kiss my dick! They tell you to hold the shift key and go to programs and select iTunes and press the iTunes icon and let go of shift key and stand on your left foot and spin around three times and whip your dick out and bang it on the keyboard and <em>THEN</em> pick your library. WELL FUCK YOU! If it is that complicated, fuck it! Here's the deal, if you do have multiple libraries in iTunes, whomever had their library open last is what iTunes will bring up if you double-click the iTunes icon. So if I was the last one using it and my wife plugs in her iPod, iTunes opens my library and syncs her iPod with it, wiping out her music from the iPod and putting all of my music on hers. Guess who gets to clean up that fuckin mess! Just what I wanted to spend my afternoon doing you fuckin dicklickers! And don't preach to me about making my iPod do manual syncs. That is BULLSHIT. I don't have to tell my cell phone to charge after I plug it into the wall, it just does it. I fuckin hate you iTunes, you are the devil.<br />
<br />
<img src="http://ericejohnson.typepad.com/.a/6a00e54fd2d5af88340148c720daaa970c-800wi" /><br />
<br />
So what's the solution? Well luckily we have a laptop that runs on a wireless network that I setup to share with our desktop files. So I downloaded yet another copy of iTunes to it and made that my computer that I do syncs with on my iPod. Problem solved. Well, you would think, but the dumb fucks at Apple made iTunes with a non corrective associated file base. Yes, they are dumb. So when I wanted to use my music that I had on the desktop computer, I moved the iTunes music folder that had all the music that my wife's iPod was pulling from to the shared folder that my laptop could pull from. This way both iPods could share the music folder and pull from it. Right? WRONG! Well, unknowing what I did was the equivalent of pressing the launch button at a nuclear missile site. Cause once that folder was moved, iTunes had a fuckin stroke and didn't know where to look, which I suspected would happen. So when I open iTunes, all the fuckin songs have the dreaded exclamation point next to them. I double-click one and it asks where the folder went with the song in it. I told it, fully expecting it to populate the rest of the library. Right? Oh fuck no! That would be way too easy. It wanted me to do that for every fuckin song in the library. ARE YOU FUCKIN CRAZY!?! That's like 13 gig of music times six mouse clicks! Why in the fuck won't the software just look in that folder for the rest of the fuckin music! Do they think I moved each song to a seperate folder? Are you there Apple, you dicks! I demand an answer cause I have other computer programs that I work in for a living and if something getting moved or you switch servers you just tell the program where you moved it and goes out and guess what?.....finds it all for you, assholes!<br />
<br />
Here is the biggest BULLSHIT of it all. The newest version of iTunes is <em>10.2.whatever the fuck</em> and all of this shit is still happening! This is bullshit that should have been worked out in Beta testing. What fuckin focus group beta tested this thing. Was it a room full of chimps? <br />
<br />
<img height="320px" src="http://www.schwimmerlegal.com/monkey.jpg" width="256px" /><br />
<br />
At least by version 2.0 or even 3.0 you would think they would have this worked out, but no, they choose to ignore it. So I get to spend how many hours fixing this fucked up folder mess? Tell 'em stupid spiked hair guy.<br />
<br />
<img height="128px" src="http://www.freestuffresort.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/itunes-giftcard.jpg" width="200px" /><br />
<br />
Yea, like 5 fuckin hours to get all this bullshit worked out. Cause when you move a iTunes Music folder it wipes out any backed up previous libraries that it saved and it doesn't retain any music that you ripped from your CD collection. Game over, start again. I got a better idea, how bout I throw the iPod in the trash, delete iTunes from my computer and do like this guy....<br />
<br />
<img height="173px" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOu_tAQ6fXiXJXBwAIxszOKJGrShyphenhyphengYQYSLlX2Y4CWzj-D_6TFZrmQP8Bo3FeKBHy5j9xpB1eTkPioQQuZgJqy8Tly5qYmctDfim2uZeW7okrNIO92h52LiqkYug1vBpwFl35n1foZq9o/s200/itunes.png" width="200px" /><br />
<br />
...and punch myself in the dick! It would be easier than fuckin wasting away my day rearranging folders on a computer. If I wanted to be a fuckin IT guy I would call up the nearest Technical Institute and sign up. All I know is if I had to go through this nightmare of file structure again, I'm diggin out my fuckin CD's and my discman and sayin fuck it!<br />
<br />
Cause iTunes software is BULLSHIT!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje1GPPom3kk2C2yGjSRgfjwDN7Kx7BlfS81DACvgncp9huSGTWSsEISgd3YGLQ_AMGTvB3wQzKXt-CS6xvuHhZrluwTALoFuyCFAg2nQF-goln39wwNZJLDz6KBcH-eeQz7JsgDI85ioDN/s1600/Stamp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="111px" i8="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje1GPPom3kk2C2yGjSRgfjwDN7Kx7BlfS81DACvgncp9huSGTWSsEISgd3YGLQ_AMGTvB3wQzKXt-CS6xvuHhZrluwTALoFuyCFAg2nQF-goln39wwNZJLDz6KBcH-eeQz7JsgDI85ioDN/s200/Stamp.jpg" width="200px" /></a></div>Cyber Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09875545684822843434noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2610727883973150952.post-42100301246182989362011-06-03T13:47:00.000-05:002011-06-03T13:47:33.510-05:00No Receipt Paper at the PumpNo Receipt Paper at the Pump is BULLSHIT!!!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_qBvCfeHCp5Y/TPvEXhxTiKI/AAAAAAAAAho/DLviUkb649c/s1600-h/Gas%20Pump2%5B5%5D.jpg"><img alt="Gas Pump2" border="0" height="214px" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_qBvCfeHCp5Y/TPvEYPMDWTI/AAAAAAAAAhs/dCco0DBBecQ/Gas%20Pump2_thumb%5B3%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-width: 0px; display: inline;" title="Gas Pump2" width="320px" /></a><br />
<br />
OK, so I'm driving to work and I'm gettin low on gas. So I pull into the gas station on my way to work and start to fill up. When I put my card in to start the pump, it asks me a very simple question. "Would you like a receipt?" "Yes or No." Well yes I would and I'll tell you why. See, I still do this crazy thing that my grandfather did and he passed down to my father and he passed it onto me. I forget the name of it......oh, ya BALANCING MY CHECKBOOK. See I want to know how much money is actually in my account so I don't spend every fuckin cent and then some. So I press "YES". The pump says "OK, you want a receipt, no problem, I'll start pumping your gas and we'll work this whole receipt thing out when I'm finished." So I finish pumping the gas and put up the nozzle. The machine then acts as if it is going to go ahead and print that receipt that we talked about earlier, but guess what....it fuckin doesn't. Nope, right there on the screen are the words: "Please see cashier for receipt." Well fuck me, isn't that convenient. Total BULLSHIT!<br />
<br />
I mean these are convenient stores, right? Do they know what convenient means? Maybe not, maybe this is an <em><strong>in</strong></em>convenient store and I was not aware. Maybe when I walk in the store to get my receipt, I look around at all the stuff on the shelves and it's placed really high and out of reach. <br />
<br />
<img height="400px" src="http://www.john-wardley.demon.co.uk/images/inconvenience.jpg" width="323px" /><br />
<br />
They offer you a ladder to reach everything, but all the rungs are broken, and they have gallons of milk for sale, but they are all expired. Maybe they sale candy bars on the high shelves, but they are all melted. You see my point. <br />
<br />
Lets see what Wikipedia has to say about paying at the pump:<br />
<br />
<em> "The system allows customers the convenience of not having to walk far from their vehicle, wait in line, or wait for the human station attendant to process the transaction. It also provides the attendants the advantage of being able to tend to other duties rather than being busy with customers."</em><br />
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That sounds great! Cause if I wanted to walk into the shithole gas station and stand behind Fat Nancy while she buys her 18th Powerball ticket and her 19th pack of smokes, I would. But I don't want to walk into the store, that's why I slid that piece of plastic that I tote around in my wallet into your fancy gas machine, you dumb fucks! Now it also says it allows the attendants the advantage of being able to tend to other duties. Other duties, hum............what other duties do you think they are referring to. How bout fillin the fuckin receipt paper, how about that duty, you sumbitch! Maybe they think the duty that are talking about is smoking another fuckin Camel no filter by the front door. <br />
<br />
<img height="154px" src="http://kubashi.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/lldoris.gif" width="200px" /><br />
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That way when there isn't any paper and I do get to walk my ass all the way into the store.....I get to smoke a Camel no filter TOO! Awesome!!! I was hoping to smell like an ashtray before I got to work this morning, mission accomplished!<br />
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I don't know how many fuckin times I pull into a gas station and the receipt paper is out. It's gotta be in the hundreds by now. It's always the same fuckin gas station, too. The only gas station on my way to and from work and they can't refill a fuckin roll of paper! Well, here's another idea and I'm just throwing these around now, so stay with with me. How bout when I put my card in to pay, instead of asking if I would like a receipt.............tell me that the fuckin paper is OUT! Then I wouldn't get my hopes up that this piece of shit is going to spit one out when I'm done, assholes! Or I'll do you one better, how bout you hire a fuckin person that doesn't smoke 10 hours in a shift and have this person refill the fuckin receipt paper as part of their job and not when they need another fuckin cig. <br />
<br />
Cause your pumps running out of paper is BULLSHIT!!!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKzer3Yr4zYTRffiEbhYr4w67SXzB5irLzTImGIWALOLtML0UBU4Ohq8EUziHYMWbBb-7NikWiE7nmY3XHb-4s0jLLyrWGlv-sqLZIe0PFslWnYdvVcGtVpy9ffYInIe5WhXSzcquxuotf/s1600/Stamp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="111px" i8="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKzer3Yr4zYTRffiEbhYr4w67SXzB5irLzTImGIWALOLtML0UBU4Ohq8EUziHYMWbBb-7NikWiE7nmY3XHb-4s0jLLyrWGlv-sqLZIe0PFslWnYdvVcGtVpy9ffYInIe5WhXSzcquxuotf/s200/Stamp.jpg" width="200px" /></a></div>Cyber Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09875545684822843434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2610727883973150952.post-66789219693784165292011-05-25T19:56:00.000-05:002011-05-25T19:56:49.486-05:00Stock Market Gas PricesGas Prices fluctuating like the stock market is BULLSHIT!!!<br />
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<img src="http://aftermathnews.files.wordpress.com/2007/05/gas_sign_070516_2151.jpg" /><br />
<br />
Now I'm not talking about gas prices being high, we all know that is BULLSHIT! When you buy gas, everyone knows who's getting screwed! Me and you! I'm talking about the gas prices that change daily like it's the fuckin DOW JONES!<br />
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Now everyone has their gas station that you go to. It's the same one that you drive by everyday going to work and coming back from work. You drive by every morning and gas prices are up. Shocker! But here's the BULLSHIT that really pisses me off. Nobody told me that I would have to be a daytrader in order to not get fucked on gas prices. <br />
<br />
<u><strong>Scenerio #1:</strong></u><br />
I drive by my gas station in the morning, gas is $3.59 a gallon. I'm thinking, "I still have a quarter tank, I'll just wait until tomorrow." So tomorrow comes and I drive by, still $3.59 a gallon. Well, tank is getting a little lower, but I'm still holding out. I'm willing to bet that it will drop a couple of cents and then I will buy it on my way home. I'm a regular daytrader, look at me. I'm going to hold out and buy low. But here in lies the gamble. Because on the flip side of the coin, it could go up and then you're screwed! But I'm feelin lucky, so lets do this shit, I'm pushin the envelope! So lunchtime rolls around and some coworkers are going out to eat, I ride along. We go by the same gas station as we go into town. We round the corner, I look up and YESSSSSSS!!!!!!! $3.49 baby! Daddy's a high roller tonight. I'm telling everyone in the car how I almost stopped this morning for gas and how I had a feeling it would go down. Others in the car are saying how they bought gas this morning and are pissed that they didn't wait. HAHA, it's a good day. So we return to work, finish the afternoon and I'm heading home. When I take off, my gas light in my car comes on. I'm thinking "Just in time." So, I drive to the same gas station on my way home, round the corner and I look up.........$3.61 a gallon..........MOTHERFUCKER!!! ARE YOU SHITTIN ME!?! What fuckin terrorist attack or Gulf Hurricane did I miss this afternoon? Did we bomb some oil field halfway round the planet while I was working? What THE FUCK is with the roller coaster stock market gas prices? TOTAL BULLSHIT!<br />
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<strong><u>Scenrio #2: (One week later)</u></strong><br />
I drive by my gas station in the morning, gas is $3.59 a gallon. I'm thinking, I still have a quarter tank, but I'm not getting fucked like I did last week. I pull in and fill 'er up. Go to work, finish the day and head home. I drive by the same fuckin gas station on my way home, round the corner and look up.........$3.47 a gallon..........REALLY!?! AGAIN!!! FUCK YOU GAS STATION!!! <br />
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<strong><u>Scenrio #3: (The next day)</u></strong><br />
I drive by my gas station in the morning, gas is $3.47 a gallon. Bought gas yesterday, I have a full tank so I'll pass. I drive by my gas station the next morning, gas is $3.47 a gallon. Don't need gas. I drive by my gas station the next morning, gas is $3.47 a gallon. Don't need gas, still have half a tank. I drive by my gas station the next morning, gas is $3.47 a gallon. Don't need gas. I drive by my gas station the next morning, gas is $3.47 a gallon. Don't need gas, have a quarter tank. I drive by my gas station the next morning, gas is $3.47 a gallon. Don't need gas. Leave work that afternoon, gas light comes on. Drive by the gas station on my way home, look up.....$3.64 a gallon. WELL, KISS MY DICK!!<br />
<br />
I swear the oil companies have a trained <span style="background-color: white;">psychologist on staff that teaches them these marketing tactics. They train the gas stations to break you down psychologically by fucking you several different ways each and everyday. You get fucked by the gas station every other time you drive by it, pretty soon you'll just pull in and buy gas no matter what the price, just so you don't have to deal with the psychological warfare. Your like, "Am I getting the best price? What if I wait a day, it could go down. Oh shit, but it could go up too. What if I buy it here and the next station is cheaper? What if I don't buy it here and the next station is more expensive. Fuck, I better just pull in and buy gas now." And that is where they've got ya, by the balls. You have no fucking way of even coming close to guessing what gas prices are going to do. It would be easier to forecast the weather than to guess at gas prices. You could have fuckin degree in Statistics and you would be like, "Fuck this, I'm just gonna buy it at the first place I see!"</span><br />
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It's always a psychological game that they play with gas prices. If gas is at $2.50 a gallon and you buy it and then it goes to $2.80, your like "I wish gas was $2.50 again, that was awesome when it was $2.50." Then they lower it to $2.70 and it's like "Well, that's better than $2.80." So you buy the shit out of it. Then they raise it to $3.10 and your like "This blows." But you continue to buy the shit out it. Then it goes up to $3.60 and your like "Remember when gas was $3.10, that was fuckin awesome!" Then they drop it a little to stop the bitching and you buy the shit out of it. Then raise it to $4.25 and that $3.60 was lookin like a hell of a deal, wish we had that back. Pretty soon gas it $7.75 a gallon and your saying "Remember when gas was $7.00 a gallon, those were the days, wish gas was $7.00 again." They mind fuck you into thinking that $7.00 was the deal of the century, then they drop it back down to $7.00 a gallon and people are filling up tankers full it thinking that they'll never see gas prices this low again. I smell BULLSHIT!<br />
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It's sad, but true. If you look at this picture and the first thing you notice is a fuckin plane crash, then you haven't bought gas in a while!<br />
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<img height="512" src="http://viral-emailz.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/gas_price.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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Until they invent a car that runs on fuckin salt water, you need gas to get to your job so you can make more money, so you can buy more gas so you can keep driving to your job. It's a vicious cycle and that is fine, I'll deal with that, but the everyday changing of the gas prices has got to stop. Since I can't pour <em>ANY</em> ol' liquid into my gas tank to make my car go, I have to buy stupid gasoline and play their stupid fuckin games. If I wanted to play the stock market, I would. Don't make me guess at stupid shit that I buy on a regular basis. If I had to work this hard to find the best price on toilet paper everytime I went to a store......I'd say "Fuck it" and wipe my ass with a handful of leaves out of the yard. <br />
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Cause playing the stock market when buying gas is BULLSHIT!!!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVPNXKKbEzSciSNOtJX4E8iGpoHhXMF3xcRPTHRLu9jN1hGDbyAbFSXOyv93z0JV5jx1HEYas-OCPSlcgMHRjY47nOxv6L4l1QL5RfbiCvBRMcqQusmN7tBv4KPbnGaNOaBvW5nu6Bp9JR/s1600/Stamp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="111" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVPNXKKbEzSciSNOtJX4E8iGpoHhXMF3xcRPTHRLu9jN1hGDbyAbFSXOyv93z0JV5jx1HEYas-OCPSlcgMHRjY47nOxv6L4l1QL5RfbiCvBRMcqQusmN7tBv4KPbnGaNOaBvW5nu6Bp9JR/s200/Stamp.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Cyber Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09875545684822843434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2610727883973150952.post-48457760634410816602011-05-18T14:51:00.000-05:002011-05-18T14:51:28.306-05:00e-mail Hackinge-mail Hacking is BULLSHIT!!!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2l_DKGST0XWX3e9MseNKYDdK334epFRoi3ms3p1pqkffPWDu9DQBpWe_YoSaZzNE1rlMQv7ZIB1LIeHy_uaCcx82HnLpXCxHLWJnFEG0cHVX_HAwEQKS6_u-k-_tHBmialRjXlyckMg7z/s1600/untitled.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="158px" j8="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2l_DKGST0XWX3e9MseNKYDdK334epFRoi3ms3p1pqkffPWDu9DQBpWe_YoSaZzNE1rlMQv7ZIB1LIeHy_uaCcx82HnLpXCxHLWJnFEG0cHVX_HAwEQKS6_u-k-_tHBmialRjXlyckMg7z/s400/untitled.bmp" width="400px" /></a></div><br />
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Somewhere in a small room in his parents basement is a fuckin nerd with his button up shirt and his pocket protector in, staring at a computer screen laughing while he finishes his last bowl of romen noodles. He's laughing cause he just finished writing code for a virus that will eventually be passed around and hack my e-mail account, sending out e-mails to every one of my contacts. <br />
<img height="242px" src="http://urbanloving.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/super-computer-nerd.jpg" width="320px" /><br />
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You motherfucker! I hope you fall asleep late one night from writing thousands of line of code and your fuckin hard drive overheats, catches fire subsequently causing you to burst into flames. And as you run around the room with your fuckin head on fire, I hope you think about one thing.......hacking my e-mail account.<br />
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I don't know who to be pissed at more, the basement nerd or Microsoft for their horrible fuckin account security. I mean, are you telling me that it's 2011 and we still can't fight internet terrorism any better than this. Some asshole living under a rock somewhere with a lot of spare time and a internet connection can get into people's e-mail accounts and go hog wild. Come on people! What are we working on that we can't find a solution to this? Oh yah, I forget that there are more important issues like designing the next great iphone app or a new feature for your Facebook wall. Give me a fuckin break! If anyone could come up with a solution for this BULLSHIT I guarantee you that everyone with a computer would pay for it and that fucker would be rich. But no, what does that guy do with his spare time? He writes programs and embeds viruses and worms on people's PCs so they fuck shit up. And then the dumbass isn't even making any money by offering a solution to the problem. At least when you get a malware virus, they are trying to sell you the "fix" for it. Not these cocksuckers. They just fuck shit up, that's all, just tear shit up, it's fun for them. <br />
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These dicks have no interest in contributing to society. They spend their days tucked away in dark rooms writing their next virus so they can be assholes like the guys who used to pick on them in high school. Fuckin grow up and go get a job at OfficeMax or somethin' you lazy fucks! At least then when I go in to buy printer paper and you count back my change, you can feel like you've really done something with your life. Writing viruses behind closed doors gets you no recognition. At least come forward and claim your prize, so we all know who's ass to beat, you little fuckin weasels!<br />
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The worst part is that they send out stupid shit in their e-mail hacks like this:<br />
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<img src="http://cyberinsecure.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/valspam3.jpg" /><br />
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A fake Canadian drug company who sells "cheap" Viagra and Cialis. Really!?! Well I'll tell you right now you dumb fuck, you are barking up the wrong tree. You might as well be trying to sell me cheap tampons cause I'm not buying. I got a couple of these sent to me from friend's e-mail accounts that got hacked and didn't think anything about it. Then mine gets hacked and they send this Viagra BULLSHIT to every e-mail account contact that I have and they all think I am pushing big dick pills over the internet. Well fuck you!<br />
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Here's the thing, you can send this shit to me all you want, I have a delete key. But when you send this shit to my grandma through my e-mail account, then we have some fuckin problems. This is the point when I was hoping your hard drive would catch fire. Again, I don't think my grandma needs big dick pills either. And my former bosses or high school friends probably don't want Cialis, so quit wasting your time and find a real fuckin job. Yah, that sounds like a good plan. Go get a job, save up some cash, go to CarMax, put a down payment on a '98 honda civic, get it tuned up, get on Google maps, find the nearest body of water, take Saturday off and drive there, find a cliff overlooking the water, accelerate to a rapid speed and launch your dumbass off in it with the fuckin windows down....cocksucker!<br />
<img src="http://listverse.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/car-flying-off-cliff.jpg?w=400&h=225&h=225" /><br />
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Cause you hacking my e-mail is BULLSHIT!!!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1Wi3kqnES8eQ4f1gYZfoNDg800cZwTViLTrxxhrDgTN2bRUAl-Z2qO6TRKHCXxkviuTlOr1KaPZW8dHDHQflrK-VKl5TisvMapQX8DvnEcjwAI6XIXBwvOy_0gNQ0wKPDs4ZZsVVxfnYt/s1600/Stamp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="111px" j8="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1Wi3kqnES8eQ4f1gYZfoNDg800cZwTViLTrxxhrDgTN2bRUAl-Z2qO6TRKHCXxkviuTlOr1KaPZW8dHDHQflrK-VKl5TisvMapQX8DvnEcjwAI6XIXBwvOy_0gNQ0wKPDs4ZZsVVxfnYt/s200/Stamp.jpg" width="200px" /></a></div>Cyber Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09875545684822843434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2610727883973150952.post-16840490918588024842011-05-05T16:06:00.002-05:002011-05-06T08:19:29.244-05:00AT&T U-verse Customer ServiceAT&T U-verse Customer Service is BULLSHIT!!!<br />
<img src="http://www.reelseo.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/ATT-Uverse-logo-2009-200x150.png" /><br />
I fuckin heart U-verse TV and the gateway that comes with the system has a built in wireless modem that I can pickup with my laptop with excellent connection speed. U-verse SERVICE is awesome. That is not what we are talking about here. I love my U-verse TV and internet. Moving on to Customer Service.<br />
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Before we dive into this thing, here's three things about the U-verse Customer Service (UCS) that I like:<br />
1. Not based out of India. Thank you AT&T for not jumping on this fuckin train. If UCS was based out of India, I wouldn't be writing this right now cause I would of killed myself long ago.<br />
2. You don't have to press 1 for English. Holy shit! It knows that I am an American and can speak the native tongue.<br />
3. You don't have to spend 6.5 hours on hold before anyone talks to you. Two thumbs up.<br />
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BUT............that is where it ends cause once that person answers the phone on the other end it's a fuckin crap shoot. The dildos that answer the phone for this company are complete idiots. You expect to call in and hear a voice on the other end that brings images of this to mind:<br />
<img height="217px" src="http://www.customer-service-workshops.com/images/Customer_Service_05.jpg" width="320px" /><br />
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Instead when I call in, I feel like this is who's on the other end:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>I mean fuckin seriously, sometimes you get people that "read the screen" like a robot, others who hack-n-cough in the mic on their phone, and still others who would better humanity by washing windows on a street corner somewhere. <br />
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These assholes always treat you like you have never touched a piece of electronic equipment before. Hey UCS, you ever thought that the person on the other end of the phone, particularly <em>ME</em>, might know more than you ever thought about knowing when it comes to electronic systems or electrical gadgets in general? No you haven't? Well you should, cause the next time I call in and you describe to me in great detail what a network cable is and how to unplug it from the wall, I might fuckin snap, take the cable out of the wall, find you and beat you merciless with it. I mean come on, if you don't know what a network cable is or a wireless modem is, then you probably don't know how to use your remote and shouldn't have the service anyway! <br />
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Save me the BULLSHIT and when you answer the phone, ask one simple question, "Sir, on a scale from 1 to 10, how strong would you rate your technical knowledge?" I would reply, "Probably a 9." They would say "Oh, so I don't have to speak to you slowly like you have some sort of mental disability?" I say, "No, you don't, I know some shit." Then they would say, "OK, so we can skip the kindergarten BULLSHIT and actually get to the root of your problem." I say, "Ya, lets do that." Pretty simple. <br />
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Instead I call in two weeks ago and have no TV or internet service, and the first fuckin thing the guy asks me is <em>"Do you know where the gateway is located in your home?"</em> I say, "Why, are you going to have me reboot it, cause I already tried that." He says, "Well, we are going to reboot it again." Oh well shit, I beat that does it. Why didn't I think of that? Dumbass! But he can't think for himself cause the computer screen in front of him says to have the customer reboot the gateway. So until we do that, he can't move to the next screen with more instructions for the dummy, so I do it. Here's the deal though, rebooting the gateway takes like 15 mins, literally. 15 mins I don't want to spend on the phone listening to Malcom breathe heavily into his mic. That is why I eliminated that problem from the beginning. I also tried resetting the cable boxes at each TV. That did nothing. But here is the biggest clue of all, on the gateway there is a light that is usually green and says "Service". On my box the light is red. Hum.......I wonder if red means it's working? Probably NOT asshole! So after 47 mins of his BULLSHIT screen instructions he is all out of guesses and schedules a technician to come to the house, but he can't come until Sat Morning from 8am to 1pm. How bout 46 mins ago when I told you that rebooting the gateway did nothing and there is no service light on, you schedule it then, dick for brains. Then I still have 45 mins of my life back and don't have to know that Malcom has some sort of wheezing issue. And a five hour window two days from now is a bunch of BULLSHIT! If I would of hung up the phone and started studying the manual that the technician learned from, I could of fixed it myself by Friday morning. <br />
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So after I get off phone, I found out from three other neighbors that their service is out too. I also find out that there is a U-verse repair truck down the street at the fiber optic hub. <br />
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<img height="207px" src="http://www.blogcdn.com/hd.engadget.com/media/2008/09/9-21-08-u-verse-cabinet-ws-.jpg" width="320px" /><img height="182px" src="http://www.blogcdn.com/hd.engadget.com/media/2010/06/11-21-08-u-verse-van.jpg" width="320px" /><br />
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Well, well, so I call back into UCS to ask them if this truck is working on something that could potentially fix my service as well and then I could cancel the Saturday appt. Here is what they said, not shittin, can't make this shit up. "Um, well sir, we have no way of knowing what the service technicians are working on in the field." WHAT! WHAT THE FUCK!?! Are you serious!?! Did you just say that? Yes, you just said that. Holy shit! You are telling me that there are thousands of U-verse trucks just driving around aimlessly and no one knows where there are going or what they are doing? For being one of the largest providers of communication on the fuckin planet you guys don't do a whole lot of it, do ya?<br />
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They don't have a fuckin clue, so I do it the old fashion way and walk down to the guy at the hub and simply ask him if what he is working on will probably fix my house as well. He said yes and asked what house was mine and he would tell me when anything changes. This was the nicest guy you could want to meet. About an hour or so later, he can down to tell me I should have service again. We checked and yes we do. You are fuckin awesome random tech guy. I asked him what gives with the UCS people and not having a fuckin clue as to what goes on in the field. This is what he said. "Those guys don't know their asses from holes in the wall." Well put. Coming from the guy who has to deal with these numbskulls everyday, I'd say he is probably spot on. <br />
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So today I wake up and same thing happens, no service and no service light. So I call first thing and tell them it is the same situation that happened two weeks ago and they need to see if it is a repeat problem. The guy on the other end says, <em>"Sir, do you know where your gateway is located in your home?"</em><br />
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OH KISS MY ASS! Cause AT&T U-verse Customer Service is BULLSHIT!!!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeL8MvmC2e2RISoh2XuUI2boq9QB17D-fmSf5eSJdEfG2icJ5LvDgDJzmfzAvDXITihHtusDJ6z7XAGwhcY0YxFgKgYGBTwq6r1dUoGz47Dlj03TmUra_bTLjL-tm-1KS7Eie9cM_eDR3s/s1600/Stamp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="111px" j8="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeL8MvmC2e2RISoh2XuUI2boq9QB17D-fmSf5eSJdEfG2icJ5LvDgDJzmfzAvDXITihHtusDJ6z7XAGwhcY0YxFgKgYGBTwq6r1dUoGz47Dlj03TmUra_bTLjL-tm-1KS7Eie9cM_eDR3s/s200/Stamp.jpg" width="200px" /></a></div>Cyber Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09875545684822843434noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2610727883973150952.post-39544067841096752862011-04-20T11:50:00.000-05:002011-04-20T11:50:39.080-05:00Glitter CardsGlitter Cards are BULLSHIT!!!<br />
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<img src="http://chrisabraham.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Disney-Princess-Glitter1.gif" /><br />
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Picture this, you come home from a hard day at work. You walk down to the mailbox to pick up the mail, you look in and see some hand written addresses on the cards. You think, that's nice grandma remember your daughter's birthday. So you carry the mail back into the house and gather everyone around. You tell her "Grandma sent you a birthday card, wasn't that nice?" "Lets open it." <br />
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BIG mistake, cause as soon as that envelope tears open....................<br />
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KA-FUCKIN-BOOM!!!<br />
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<img src="http://images.sodahead.com/profiles/0/0/1/6/9/5/2/7/7/glitter-explosion-35238472910.jpeg" /><br />
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A fuckin glitter grenade explodes in your hand. HOLY SHIT! Get down! Glitter rains from the sky, as you race for cover. It's getting harder to breath, but you stay down for a while cause you don't know if it's over. Suddenly, the glitter clears from the air and after a minute or two of silence, people who heard the screams from down the block are walking up to see if your alright, but it's too late.<br />
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<img height="240px" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_v3t3B4xKgKM/TMDqln7vE7I/AAAAAAAABeg/NmbwSG9VBr4/s320/1021001643.jpg" width="320px" /><br />
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"Holy shit, what happened to them?" <br />
"They got a glitter card in the mail."<br />
"Those poor bastards!"<br />
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Later you're in the shower trying to wash the shit off. <br />
<img height="156px" src="http://outspokennyc.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/nightingale-bartholot-homotography-1.jpg" width="200px" /><br />
It ain't happening, you'll be finding glitter on shit until her next birthday. Fuck you glitter! OK, maybe I exaggerated, but if you've ever opened a glitter card, you know that it's BULLSHIT! I'd welcome getting Dan Rather's envelope full of Anthrax before I open another fuckin glitter card. I'm not sure I am making my point, I FUCKING HATE GLITTER CARDS! <br />
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To start with, how do they get so much fuckin glitter on one card? Is there a quota on glitter for each card? Did the boss at Hallmark walk in and say "That doesn't look like enough glitter on that card, it's not going to make a big enough mess. Better add more." Which leads me to my next question. How come when the cards are on the shelf at the store you don't see glitter all over the floor of the card isle? But when that fucker gets mailed to your house and you open it..............<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIvOTtvgwak_6AU5gUHreCfoNZCI0T4Ah6kgwKzVTWrYj7CDAeqdSVY7XIFe9O9S1kCzDObAEuPngn998ZsmhYAyGJhAGTyK-seYwwhEy_MUzXZ0xordgyRcSy0ZcHc5TqFzWCjBdfXdlY/s1600/untitled.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="261px" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIvOTtvgwak_6AU5gUHreCfoNZCI0T4Ah6kgwKzVTWrYj7CDAeqdSVY7XIFe9O9S1kCzDObAEuPngn998ZsmhYAyGJhAGTyK-seYwwhEy_MUzXZ0xordgyRcSy0ZcHc5TqFzWCjBdfXdlY/s320/untitled.JPG" width="320px" /></a></div><br />
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...it looks like Tinkerbell took a glitter shit on the hardwood floors. <br />
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I'm gonna blame the post office. I know that the glitter was all on the card when it left the store, but when it gets to my house in the mail, two-thirds of it is in the bottom of the envelope. The post office has to have a machine that detects the glitter cards, kicks them out to a seperate area in the back, puts them in a machine that shakes the shit out of 'em, and <em>then </em>they mail them. You sick bastards!<br />
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But they aren't the only assholes here. What kind of cheap-ass glue are these card companies using to hold the glitter on with. I thought Elmer's glue was the shittiest glue on the planet. But somehow Hallmark tracked down Elmer's retarded cousin Lester and are buying glue from him or something. I mean, this shit they use makes Elmer's glue look like fuckin liquified granite.<br />
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The worst part is that there is no fuckin warning. When you get a card for <em>ANYONE </em>in the mail, you better check that shit out! Cut a little slit in the side and peak in there, it's worth your time. If not, you better know that shit is just waiting in the bottom of the envelope, like a fuckin glitter ninja, ready to come flying out and attack everything in sight. Don't say I didn't tell you so when you spend the next 2 hours cleaning glitter off shit. The bad part is that you can't sweep glitter up, you have to vacuum it, it's total bullshit! You can sweep all fuckin day and you won't get it all. You'll be walking through the house three weeks later and the light will hit just right and there it is........little specks of glitter all over everything.<br />
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So here's the deal card making assholes: Either include a "<em><strong><span style="color: red;">Warning: Contains Glitter</span></strong></em>" sticker for the shipper to put on the envelope or include a coupon for 80% off a new vacuum, ya dicks!<br />
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Cause Glitter Cards are BULLSHIT!!!<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD8BZMpZ7oZch6CFhPsTKZ-Ow72hoaQyssyaUUKompaSehT_wANBVecerH-WdMDnrKVnkfFCcKqjbqYUSjsJf8YKOasl7LTgscdpVqk6W3_W2SWQ9J7fqn5Mrh0K3-eVW45TMFOrsjcJbd/s1600/Stamp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="111px" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD8BZMpZ7oZch6CFhPsTKZ-Ow72hoaQyssyaUUKompaSehT_wANBVecerH-WdMDnrKVnkfFCcKqjbqYUSjsJf8YKOasl7LTgscdpVqk6W3_W2SWQ9J7fqn5Mrh0K3-eVW45TMFOrsjcJbd/s200/Stamp.jpg" width="200px" /></a></div>Cyber Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09875545684822843434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2610727883973150952.post-50781626294510942752011-04-12T16:23:00.005-05:002011-08-15T10:20:30.533-05:00Mixed Metric SystemMixed Metric System is BULLSHIT!!!<br />
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<img height="332px" src="http://chezalaska.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/metric-system.jpg" width="640px" /><br />
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Take a hard look at this map. The countries in red......those countries are the only countries in the ENTIRE world that don't use the metric system. The U.S., Burma, and Liberia. That is it. That's right, the U.S. is hangin in there. We're like "Fuck you rest of the world! We won't conform to this bullshit system that the <em><strong>ENTIRE</strong></em> remainder of the planet uses. You know, minus Burma and Liberia." Burma? All I know about about Burma is Rambo went there to fuck some guys up in his last movie. Where the fuck <em>is</em> Burma and Liberia? Who knows and without looking at a globe for half an hour, you wouldn't know either!<br />
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As Americans, we are used to this shit by now, but if you step back and look at it from a common sense perspective, your like, what the fuck!?! Try to stay with me here. <br />
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You go the store and walk to the dairy dept for milk, you pick up a <em>gallon</em> of milk. Then walk to the next isle for pop and pick up a <em>2 Liter</em> of Dr. Pepper. Walk to the juice isle and pick up a <em>128 oz</em> bottle of OJ. (Side Note: 128 oz <em>is</em> a gallon, so why not list that <u>first</u> on the fuckin bottle, idiots!?!) Walk over to the liquor dept and pick up a 6 pack of <em>12 oz</em> bottles, <em>750 mL</em> bottle of wine, and a <em>fifth</em> of whiskey. A fifth? A fifth of what? Cause a fifth of a gallon is 757 mL and the bottle says 750 mL. I think someone owes me 7 mL. Heading over to the hygiene dept, you pick up a <em>250 mL</em> bottle of mouthwash. Then, as your in line to check out, you think I would like to enjoy some Dr. Pepper now. So you reach into the mini fridge and pull out a <em>20 oz</em> bottle. <br />
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WHAT THE FUCK! <br />
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Ever heard of some standardization?!? Get your shit together committee that picks fluid containers, cause your making my fuckin head hurt, assholes! That is just the beginning, too. <br />
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Look at the Nutritional Facts on the side of the boxes of food:<br />
<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><img height="640px" src="http://www.oldworldkettlekorn.com/Images/Nutrition%20Facts.gif" width="332px" /></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">The serving size is in cups (with grams secondary) and then facts like sodium and protein are in grams only. Are you shittin me!?! </div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">What about recipes? </div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">"Use a tablespoon of butter and a tablespoon of salt". SHIT, i got butter all over the tablespoon already, I'll just use the teaspoon. How many teaspoons are in a tablespoon? Two? NO, its fuckin three, how queer is that?!? Three? Who comes up with this BULLSHIT!?!</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">Some people haven't embraced the digital world yet and still buy <em>35mm</em> film for their cameras. But when you go to print the pictures you get <em>4x6 inch</em> prints. Whatever, you fuckin dummies!</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">Ever bought tires before? Holy SHIT! The tires on my car are 235/60-17. That's <em>235mm</em> for the tire thread width and <em>17 inches</em> for the diameter of the rim. Do you want my head to explode? Whoever decided this is a fuckin dummy, plain and simple. Don't get me started on fasteners. My car's engine was built in China, the transmission is from Japan, and it was assembled in Canada. What kind of foriegn piece of shit is this you ask? It's a fuckin Chevy, the heartbeat of America! This thing is littered with a mix and match of standard and metric fasteners. Fuck you Chevy and kiss my ass!</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">Moving on. Lets go shoot some guns! OK, I'll grab my <em>.45</em> pistol, you grab your <em>9mm</em>. Or I bring my <em>.30-06</em> and you bring your <em>7.62mm</em>. How bout we just stay home instead. Sounds good.</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">How bout we go running? Where? Downtown. Ok, I'll drive. We get in my car a drive <em>70 miles per hour</em> to get downtown, which is <em>17 miles</em> away, but when we get there we are running a <em>5K race</em>. 5K? How many miles is that? Fuck, I don't know, let me get my calculator! What the fuck country are we in?</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">Hell, drug dealers are even confused. They buy <em>kilos</em> of drugs and then break 'em down to sell them by the <em>ounce </em>or they buy them buy the <em>pound </em>and sell them by the <em>gram</em>. These are drug dealers! Aren't they suppose to be stupid? Maybe I should have went to school where they did, cause if I had to convert back and forth all day I would lose my ass selling drugs!</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><img height="200px" src="http://coloring.thecolor.com/color/images/Libra.gif" width="196px" /></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">Pounds and Ounces, there is some shit that really pisses me off. First of all, who came up with oz as the abbreviation for ounces, Snoop Dogg? </div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><img height="200px" src="http://www.examiner.com/images/blog/EXID20836/images/ex_snoop_dogg.jpg" width="120px" /></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">Yah, dog, that's a OZ fo'shizzle, my bizzle. </div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">And lb is for pound? Really?! You are aware that pound starts with a "P" and ends with with a "D"? OH! It's Latin, the language no one speaks anymore, I see!?! Then if that isn't bad enough, there are ounces and then there are fluid ounces. You measure a glass of water in fl.oz. Well, what if I put the glass of water in the freezer overnight and pull it out? Now what asshole? Is it fluid ounces or just ounces, HUH!?! Kiss my ass!</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">All of this wouldn't piss me off so much if the metric system didn't make so much fuckin sense. </div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">Metric Units for weight:</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">1000 mg = 1 gram</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">1000 g = 1 kg</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">1000 kg = 1 metric ton</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">What do we do?</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">437.5 grain = 1 oz</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">16 oz = 1 lb</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">2,000 lb = 1 ton</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">16 tons = Another day older and deeper in debt. (Had to throw that in.)</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">Metric Units for length:</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">10mm = 1cm</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">100cm = 1m</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">1000m = 1km</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">What do we do?</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">Two 1/16's = 1/8</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">Eight 1/8's = 1 inch</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">12 inches = 1 foot</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">5,280 ft = 1 mile</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">76 miles = the distance I would walk if I could punch the asshole in the throat that came up with this shit!</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">Oh well, we'll just convert between the two. That should be easy enough, right?</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">1 cm = 0.3937 inches</div>1 gram = 0.035 ounce<br />
<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">1 foot = 0.305 meters</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">1 kilogram= 2.205 pounds</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">1 mile = 1.609 kilometers</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">Well...........look at all those nice round numbers, no fuckin wonder most Americans are horrible at math and fuckin hate it. We spend three hours trying to figure out how many kg are in a fuckin pound so we can convert to units that the rest of the planet uses. Let's see, carry the 7 and divide by the square root of pi = BULLSHIT!</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">The only reason that we don't adopt this like the rest of Earth is because France spearheaded the metric system movement back in the day. It's like listening to your wife's directions while driving the car, it's the last thing a man wants to do if he is lost. And we'll be damned if we do anything that France does. And I primarily blame that on Toby Keith. If you ain't America, you ain't shit! Ain't that right Toby? Yah! Stickin boots in people's asses! Yeehaw! Hey, Toby, quick question, where's Liberia? That's what I thought, shut the fuck up dummy!</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div>I don't have a problem with not using the metric system, but if we are giving the rest of the globe the middle finger, then DO IT and quit half-assin it! Quit letting the metric system swim the river and jump the border like a bunch of illegal aliens. Are we going to use it or not? Shit or get off the pot! <br />
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Cause this mix and match buffet of units is BULLSHIT!!!<br />
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</div>Cyber Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09875545684822843434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2610727883973150952.post-23595333864646942882011-04-06T10:47:00.003-05:002011-11-14T08:48:47.637-06:00Battery Powered Baby SwingsBattery Powered Baby Swings are BULLSHIT!!!<br />
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When the designers at Graco were sitting around thinking up their last baby swing, do you think anyone else was in the room? Like someone with common sense. Someone with rational thought? NO, the only fucker allowed in that meeting was this guy......<br />
<img src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/e/e0/Energizer_Bunny.png/220px-Energizer_Bunny.png" /><br />
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.....and he was blowing everyone there! Or at least paying for the hookers.<br />
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That's the only explaination I have for why <em>ANYONE </em>would design a baby swing to run on battery power. Energizer and Duracell have to be paying these fuckin guys loads of cash to design the pieces of shit to run on their batteries. And not just any batteries, the Godzilla of all batteries. Fuckin D size batteries! The most expensive, bulky, old technology, waste of space in my kitchen drawer batteries. Why do we still make these fuckin things? Is anyone reading this still packing around one of those 17 pound flashlights that require 4 of these pieces of shit. Fuck NO! You're telling me that we haven't found a way to put the same amount of power that a D size battery has into something the size of...say a peanut? BULLSHIT! These fuckin batteries have been around since the early 1900's! The cellphone I pack around right now is smaller than my first cellphone's entire <em>battery </em>and that was the mid 90's. Get with the fuckin program Energizer and Duracell, you assholes!<br />
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Now don't get me wrong, I love battery powered shit. My remote control to my TV is battery powered, fuckin awesome job Panasonic! My home phone is battery powered, nice job V-Tech. My power drill is battery powered, DeWalt you are the shit! Our baby swing is battery powered??? Have you lost your FUCKING minds Graco!?! Seriously! Look at the list of shit here:<br />
TV remote, cordless phone, and a power drill. Ummmmmm............"Things I would walk around the house and use." <em>Ding, ding, ding.</em> Not once have we decided to leave the house and said, "Did you grab the baby swing, well better bring it." "I am so glad that thing is battery powered or we would be fucked!" Never been said....by anyone....on the planet. <br />
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I can't help but think that the only explaination for all this is safety. Hey, I'm all for kids safety. But you are telling me that cause some window licker gets tangled up in the cord to the mini-blinds, I can't have a swing that plugs into the wall? BULLSHIT! That's why everything you buy comes wall papered with warning labels, for idoits that can't think for themselves. I guess I shouldn't complain, they do offer alternatives. Let's see what they say. <br />
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<em>"Whether you choose a battery-powered swing or a wind-up variety depends on your personal tastes."</em><br />
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A fuckin wind-up swing!!! Well, KISS MY ASS! This is your alternate method? A century old battery technology or one that you wind-up? What is this, a fuckin Ford model T. Your gonna keep winding this thing like a post World War II kids toy? Why this brilliant idea wasn't thrown out in the brainstorming session is beyond me, buncha ignert bastards!<br />
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Here is the deal. When we moved into our house, I called a business that sells this magic stuff called electricity. I pay them a monthly fee and they come out and hook it up to my house. So now when I get up in the morning, I flip a switch and these bright things in my bedroom light up and make it where I can see. This way, I don't have to get in my car and drive to the fuckin store to buy little cylinders full of electricity cause its already in my house surging through the fuckin walls! And then comes Graco, <span style="background-color: white;">damn assholes</span>! You come along and sell me a swing that sits in the same fuckin spot for a year and half, THREE FUCKING FEET from a plug-in and you can't provide one of these???<br />
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<img height="150px" src="http://www.ioffer.com/img/item/138/283/369/battery-charger-power-adapter-nokia-6010-6100-6120-a99f0.jpg" width="200px" /><br />
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Well have one of these!<br />
<img height="200px" src="http://blogs.soccernet.com/manchesterunited/middle-finger.jpg" width="197px" /><br />
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Cause your swings running on batteries is BULLSHIT!!!<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIpORArAg3d81bl5EVR5RvTEEqn1qrt_KMazopbOiaX1WC2Z-WF3SeviF-pQBmeURu9si2XA8j6oUlWRmk-KLkiwxwcOZ_nJoLCckjZmVAaeMW_sU_darkLQrcQLXiiWZyZlk4RNjcBc36/s1600/Stamp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="111px" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIpORArAg3d81bl5EVR5RvTEEqn1qrt_KMazopbOiaX1WC2Z-WF3SeviF-pQBmeURu9si2XA8j6oUlWRmk-KLkiwxwcOZ_nJoLCckjZmVAaeMW_sU_darkLQrcQLXiiWZyZlk4RNjcBc36/s200/Stamp.jpg" width="200px" /></a></div>Cyber Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09875545684822843434noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2610727883973150952.post-7353587827300039302011-04-01T16:05:00.004-05:002011-04-18T16:38:54.286-05:00Walmart "Speedy" CheckoutWalmart "Speedy" Checkout is BULLSHIT!!!<br />
<img src="http://blogginit.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/20itemsorless-300x240.jpg" /><br />
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See, by writing this post, I am assuming that the idiots that bring 57 items to the "speedy" checkout <em>can</em> read. I know that this is a long shot cause we are talking about Walmart people like this: <br />
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<img height="176" src="http://cache.blippitt.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/People-of-People-of-Walmart-.jpg" width="200" /><br />
Click <a href="http://www.walmart-people.com/">here</a> and you'll see the caliber of individual that we are dealing with.<br />
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You know what happens when you assume shit, so maybe they can read, but just can't count, I don't know. I find that hard to believe cause PBS offers a program for free where a guy will teach you how to count. <br />
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Look familiar?<br />
<img height="176" src="http://scrapetv.com/News/News%20Pages/Everyone%20Else/images-2/count-von-count-sesame-street.jpg" width="200" /><br />
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How hard is it to look in your cart and see that the heap of hungry man dinners and bottles of mountian lighting flowing over probably add up to more than 20. If you can't count, here look at this:<br />
<br />
If your cart looks like this:<br />
<img height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKTIp6FDzvYgX5LCW_kNWuZ0BmJb7WvxmLQnY4QXH7CCUGMQLd9WeGIkEr-shxYA47wpuAObN1hZngWmXWmk7Vl3M2eot0sSbBLmz-9939FGU-M0g9EA_kUJzL3mKZ4FXjsK5szL7OJm8/s200/GroceryCart_Full.jpg" width="155" /><br />
or if there is even a question that you have more than 20 items, hows about shufflin your ass over to the next lane with the conveyor belt and waiting your turn like all the rest of the large cart pushers. See that lane has a conveyor belt for a reason, it can hold 57 cans of best choice pinto beans no problem. The "speedy" checkout has a counter. A counter just large enough to hold 20 average items. So, when I am standing behind you in the "speedy" checkout with a package of batteries and your putting your 39th box of fishsticks on the <em>counter, </em>I start to scan the magazine rack looking for something that I can stab you with. <br />
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Also, the "speedy" checkout sign should say "No Checks or Coupons." Cause for one, fuck people who still write checks, this is 2011. Get with the fuckin program. And two, if you take the time to cut coupons, then I'm gonna guess you probably been waiting all week to go grocery shopping and have more than 20 items, so shuffle down to the conveyor belt, dipshit!<br />
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Walmart should regulate this shit. It's their fuckin 20 items lane. Do something! Walmart could fix this problem with one simple computer program. When fat Nancy walks up to the "speedy" checkout and unloads a 6 month supply of food. The Walmart employee starts to ring em up, when the item total hits 20, it's $0.25 for each item above 20. That will put an end to Super Saver Sherry and her 3 ring binder full of coupons in the "speedy" lane with 2 carts full of groceries. <br />
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You shouln't have to do any of this, but people are assholes and don't care about others when we are buying shit. Just get in there and buy shit, fuck everyone around you. Stand with your cart turned sideways blocking the entire isle. You know who you are, asshole! Then push your Mt. Fuji cart of groceries to the "speedy" checkout and act like you don't know what you are doing while they ring up your 72nd item. Fuck you, dick. Hope you choke on a fishstick. <br />
<br />
Cause Walmart "Speedy" Checkout is BULLSHIT!!!<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4QCf-0S_3H91zYTQpsjVoBuP9z1Bk2ciOek-FP6IyBMXwGK54oMIHMsuKl2SMBjfkB2MOgjHm_DZjSVFy1Tjptlk1WA8YqXnwZU7a1b4WSCyPe8N2x9BxDC9zpuNy64MrN3L5M0F8ngbg/s1600/Stamp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="111" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4QCf-0S_3H91zYTQpsjVoBuP9z1Bk2ciOek-FP6IyBMXwGK54oMIHMsuKl2SMBjfkB2MOgjHm_DZjSVFy1Tjptlk1WA8YqXnwZU7a1b4WSCyPe8N2x9BxDC9zpuNy64MrN3L5M0F8ngbg/s200/Stamp.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Cyber Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09875545684822843434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2610727883973150952.post-41576004429097556662011-04-01T16:00:00.004-05:002011-04-18T16:44:40.139-05:00Long Lines at WalmartLong Lines at Walmart are BULLSHIT!!!<br />
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Every fucking time I go in this shithole, it takes longer to get through the checkout line than it does to find all the items I went in for. And every time I am standing in line for 25 mins, I think the same fuckin thing........ <strong>32 FUCKING LANES AND 5 OF THEM ARE OPEN??? </strong>What are these fucking lanes for? Black Friday? Is that it, one fuckin day a year when all the assholes in town pile up outside of shithole Walmart to by a Vonix DVD player for $8.88. There is a reason that the piece of shit is $8.88 you fucking moron. But we'll save that for a different post. <br />
<img src="http://progressivemaryland.org/public/images/allies-issues-orgs-campaigns/labor-workersrights/wal-mart/walmart-store-night.jpg" /><br />
Look, we are smart consumers. The sun isn't even up and we are saving money. <br />
Yee-haw! Fucktards one and all!<br />
<br />
When they came up with the idea for the supercenter, I think they planned on putting 10 lanes in to start. Then some corporate asshole speaks up and says:<br />
"What about black friday?" <br />
"Oh shit, uh.........put in 32 lanes." <br />
"We can't hire that many people to check out customers!" <br />
"I know, we will put six employees, three on each end, and when people walk in it will create the illusion that there are hundreds of people in the store ready to serve."<br />
"You are a genius, Bob."<br />
"Thanks Ted."<br />
<br />
You could go to the <a href="http://youwannaknowwhatsbullshit.blogspot.com/2011/04/walmart-speedy-checkout.html">"speedy" checkout</a>, but someone will fuck that up for you, trust me. The thing that blows my mind is that Walmart has the power and industry leadership to make Walmart checkout the fastest fuckin checkout on the planet. They could assemble a team to figure out how to make the checkout process the greatest fuckin thing ever. But they won't work on that. Instead they bring you great ideas like self checkout. Those 2 words that bring chills to my spine. Some corporate assholes sitting around a table in Fayetteville, AR saying:<br />
<br />
"No, see we make them check theirselves out."<br />
"So do we give them a discount for doing this?"<br />
"No."<br />
"And we won't have to pay someone to help check them out?"<br />
"Just one person who watches the self checkout like a prison yard."<br />
"How difficult are these machines to work?"<br />
"For people with IQ's larger than their shoe size, they are a piece of cake. For people who are idoits, its like rebuilding a carburetor."<br />
"Hum...........You think people will do this?"<br />
"Oh, they'll do it and they'll fuckin LOVE it! It will make them think that they're playing grocery store like when they were kids."<br />
"You are a genius, Bob."<br />
"Thanks Ted."<br />
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Self checkout.....<em>HOLY SHIT</em> what a fucking horrible idea. This was their answer? You are going to ask people who can't count how many items are in their fuckin basket and who look like this:<br />
<img height="159" src="http://www.walmart-people.com/Uploads/m_32829382145.jpg" width="200" /><br />
to work your computerize checkout system? Really? Tell ya what, I'll stop you right there and say that who ever thought of this train wreck never actually stepped foot in one of their stores. You corporate dipshits! But you see where that shitty idea went, right where it should have, in the fuckin garbage. Within a couple of years of the self checkout going in......it was coming right back out. Walmart execs, you are a bunch of retards! <br />
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When you get your items and head to the front of the store, it should be like fuckin Nascar! People sprinting around refilling cash in the registers, people running and changing rolls of receipt paper, maintenance guys switching out checkout guns cause they start to smoke. That's the shit I wanna see. Instead I see a crowd like this:<br />
<img src="http://www.bigberries.com/images/entertainment/2007/nov/bb_avoid-black-friday-shopping-madness.jpg" /><br />
....and six people standing there to check them out. <br />
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That's why long lines at Walmart are BULLSHIT!!!<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf3TfSgQPrqoP9jiFjy7UyILO8w0u8b0dpKxRJmaqYZYsK_-CivMyyuCj9zUzh1Fpa6s__DWhi0b12PSUBcpp2HRd2141lxuQpDdSj8GwR5s3r64meJgEEtfw9Ei45ay-xS5PEnvZF6WXA/s1600/Stamp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="111" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf3TfSgQPrqoP9jiFjy7UyILO8w0u8b0dpKxRJmaqYZYsK_-CivMyyuCj9zUzh1Fpa6s__DWhi0b12PSUBcpp2HRd2141lxuQpDdSj8GwR5s3r64meJgEEtfw9Ei45ay-xS5PEnvZF6WXA/s200/Stamp.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Cyber Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09875545684822843434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2610727883973150952.post-18126158037211294852011-04-01T11:38:00.004-05:002011-11-14T08:58:49.412-06:00Places that only take cash/checkPlaces that only take cash/check are BULLSHIT!!!<br />
<img height="131px" src="http://www.redstaplerchronicles.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/cash%20only.jpg" width="200px" /><br />
<br />
This one is TOTAL BULLSHIT! <br />
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You walk into a small town restaurant to grab something to eat, have a nice meal, and walk up to the register and there it is. The hand written "Sorry, cash/check only" sign. Yes, you are sorry you prick! Now tell me where the nearest ATM is. Cause you know how much we love to get fucked at the ATM with their stupid fees and then <a href="http://youwannaknowwhatsbullshit.blogspot.com/2011/04/my-bank.html">MY BANK</a> fucks me with their fees.<br />
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How bout the assholes that don't take debit cards, but they have an ATM right there in the corner of the restaurant. Well, guess what dicks? I just spent what was going to be your tip on an ATM fee, so suck it!<br />
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Cash/Check only, huh? How about I open a restaurant and you come in and eat and when you walk up the register the hand written sign says "Sorry, coins only." Ya, bitch I only accept pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters. Oh, you don't have coins, well I did write sorry on the sign. The bank is up the street. Go fuck yourself.<br />
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I'm sure some people have heard the Jeff Foxworthy joke where they come to repo his car and tell him that unless you give us $800 we are taking the car. <em>He says "I ain't got it." The repo guy says "Can't you write a check?" He says "A check? "Surrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee, hell I thought you wanted money." "Tell you what, what's the balance on that thing, I'll go ahead and pay it off." </em> See, checks are the biggest bullshit of all! I can write you a check for the burgers and fries, but what if there is NO money in the account. What then, genius? Oh, you hang my check up to show everyone around that I bounce checks. Well, I'm from out of town and will never be back, so jokes on you, asshole! Get 3-4 of those a week, that card reader soundin pretty good right now isn't it?<br />
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This BULLSHIT always happens and it's always the best little burger joint or greasy spoon. They have the best food <em>and</em> the best way to fuck the IRS. "Hum.......it says here, Steve's Diner only made $2,143 last year, but they have been in business since 1962. Wierd!?! If you want to fuck the gov't, then find another way. This is 2011 and we have these convenient little things called debit cards. They allow me to have a large sum of money at my finger tips without actually having to tote it around, assholes. So pay a small fee and get a card machine, you fuckers! <br />
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"We don't want to pay the fees that come with the card machine." Well, let me ask you this. As part of your overhead, don't you pay for things like napkins and silverware? Or do you hang a hand written sign that says "Sorry, finger eating only." Kiss my ASS. Accepting debit card is part of being in business. So wake up, hire a youngster to show you what buttons to push on the fancy future machine and take my debit card, you dick!<br />
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Cause cash/check only is BULLSHIT!!!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEnWZ5-M6fu-IYiXfz7YTEGW0K3yNfmPxQ73ckVt9ZhaMLW6QJx0xDHo9UmUkju0P3-XGMr9oO-3cHnrXrLpdqJcPdikFpjwQmLYL1uJYaF9vx_C2F5kEuaz4LlF9pznz5qGlq6xOCy7WA/s1600/Stamp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="111px" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEnWZ5-M6fu-IYiXfz7YTEGW0K3yNfmPxQ73ckVt9ZhaMLW6QJx0xDHo9UmUkju0P3-XGMr9oO-3cHnrXrLpdqJcPdikFpjwQmLYL1uJYaF9vx_C2F5kEuaz4LlF9pznz5qGlq6xOCy7WA/s200/Stamp.jpg" width="200px" /></a></div>Cyber Cynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09875545684822843434noreply@blogger.com1