Businesses Advertising FREE WiFi

Businesses Advertising FREE WiFi is BULLSHIT!!!



They say nothing in life is free.  Think about that saying and we will come back to that.  You ever been watching TV and you see a commercial for a hotel and when it comes to the end of the commercial they start talking about all the "extras" you get by staying at the place?  They say "Come stay at the Hampton Inn, we have free continental breakfast, hot fresh coffee and free WiFi to all rooms!" 

First of all, the shitty breakfast bar where I have to make my own fuckin cereal isn't continental.  If by you supplying those undersized kids cereal boxes and throwing out some day old donuts with styrofoam bowls allows you to say "We just served you breakfast!".....Then me spitting on your windshield as I pull out of your shitty hotel parking lot allows me to say "I just washed your car!"



Breakfast is supposed to be a hearty meal and if your going to toss it in for "free", at least make a fuckin' effort!  And when you say "free breakfast" after I paid you $89.99 for one night's rest, there had better be a fuckin' waitress and some damn metal utensils assholes! 

Which brings me back to my first thought, nothing in life is free.  But wait, Hampton Inn is tossing in free WiFi.  It comes with every room!  Think about that next time you shopping around for a quality place to lay your head for the night.  Why not get one with free WiFi.  That shit is hard to come by and you don't just run into free wifi anywhere.  I bet you can't even name 5 places that offer free wifi.....

1.  Panera Bread
2.  Price Chopper Grocery
3.  The Library
4.  Quiznos
5.  Buffalo Wild Wings
6.  McDonalds
7.  Starbucks
8.  CiCi's Pizza
9.  McAlister's Deli
10.  Dairy Queen
11.  Super 8 Motel
12.  Holiday Inn
13.  Burger King
14.  Houlihan's
15.  The Hospital
16.  The Rec Center
17.  Church
18.  Sam's Club
19.  Every bar in town
20.  Dunn Bros. Coffee
21.  Steve's Tire Shop
22.  Hardees
23.  The Museum
24.  Raddisson Hotels
25.  Valvoline Oil Change Shop
26.  IHOP
27.  Bob Evans
28.  Every college campus
29.  The Post Office
30.  Music Store
31.  The BBQ place down the street
32.  Autozone
33.  Culvers
34.  Planet Sub
35.  The License Bureau
36.  Motel 6
37. Doug's Meat Market
38.  Days Inn
39.  The laundromat
40.  JoJo's coffee house
41.  The carwash
42.  The state capital building
43.  The Indoor Kid's Jungle Gym across town
44.  Meineke
45.  The fitness club
46.  The PC Lounge
47.  National Tire and Battery
48.  Dunkin Donuts
49.  Doubletree Hotel
50.  And the cafe in town ran by a couple in their 70's

So what you're telling me is that it is hard to find?  Is that what you're saying?  Fuck NO it's not!  I could probably walk from New York to San Diego and never leave a free WiFi service.  Oh, it would get spotty outside of Vegas, but I would venture to say that even the brothels have free WiFi. 



So the next time you hotel fucks want to tout your free WiFi, why don't you save your breath and consider offering things like working A/C units, soft water, and jizz free sheets!

Basically here's the deal, McDonalds will throw in free WiFi if I go in and ask for a plastic spoon, so any major establishment that is still throwing around free WiFi as a sales draw should fire their marketing manager and wake the fuck up!

Cause advertising free WiFi is BULLSHIT!!!

YWKWB QUICKIE: SafeAuto Car Insurance

SafeAuto Car Insurance is BULLSHIT!!!

Every fuckin time I get in my car and turn on the radio, the same fuckin commercial is on......SafeAuto Car insurance.  "State minimum coverage you can count on".  Oh really!  I know what I can count on, that's some asshole hitting me and not having enough insurance to cover my medical bills.  "Can't get insurance anywhere else? Call SafeAuto".  They can't get insurance anywhere else for a reason, you FUCKS!!!  Oh FUCK YOU SAFEAUTO!!!!  You're the reason that people like myself have to pay fuckin ridiculous premiums.  I actually use a reputable car insurance company...meanwhile you're handing out car insurance like fuckin Halloween candy to every fucker that calls in.  Never mind that Ronnie the Retard has hit every parked car in town and backed into all the rest, give that motherfucker some insurance and make the fuckin bare minimum that way when he sideswipes a semi truck full of expensive electronics and his $50,000 policy won't even cover the goods in the trailer, let alone the semi truck.....I'll pick up the difference when the actuary examines the case and passes it on to the other drivers in the area in that age range. 

State minimum coverage!?!  Are you fuckin kiddin me?  Thanks safe-auto for being the title-loan store for the insurance world.  Bang up job!

GO FUCK YOURSELF SAFEAUTO!  Cause your insurance is Bullshit!

Cyclists

Cyclists are BULLSHIT!!!



Well, it's that time of the year again when the weather is getting nicer and the grass is starting to green.  There is a smell of lilac in the air and off in the distance you can hear birds chirping.  It's a wonderful Saturday morning and I decide to run up to the hardware store and have a look around.  Then when I get in my car and hit the road, I see this.................



Some motherfucker here to show us all that he is maintaining a healthy body weight by riding his fuckin bicycle like a seven year old.  And not only is the asshole riding his bike out in the middle of town, but riding down the middle of the fuckin street!  HEY DICKHEAD!  They have parks and trails for fuckers like you.  There's trails and paths and huge open green spaces where you can ride your $3,000 bike, I know, I've seen 'em!  The streets were constructed to a certian width.  That width was determined by measuring a certian means of transportation.  I'm gonna guess by the looks of it, it wasn't your fucking bicycle, LANCE!

Now everywhere I turn I see these fucking BULLSHIT signs.

 
SHARE THE ROAD!?!  I'm not the fucking shithead that's riding a kid's christmas present down the middle of fuckin Main Street at 15mph.  Here's an idea.  Hows bout I get in my car and drive it down the middle of the fuckin bike path that runs behind my house.  Just drive that big muthafucka right down the middle....at 72mph.  Isn't that the same fuckin idea as riding a bike WAY below the speed limit in the street meant for cars!?!  Will they put up signs for me with a picture of a car that say "Share the trail"?  Fuck NO!

The worst is when these fucksticks run in herds and I can't get around them.....



This would be like a cattle farmer taking a hundred head of cattle and marching them into town and down the middle of main street.  That shit wouldn't fly, why the fuck does this BULLSHIT get to continue!?!  And these fuckers have a death wish!  Cause when I am driving the back roads off the beaten path with no shoudlers and deep ditches and I come up over a hill to a cyclist who's doin 20mph.  He's lucky that this isn't the next scene..........



Here's the deal.  If you want to dress up in a tights like a ballerina, put on a yellow wristband, and pretend you're Lance Armstrong that's fine.  But stay the fuck off the streets.  My car's speedometer goes well past 30mph and it will do at least 70,  I know, I've seen me do it.  But the next fuckin time I am trying to get somewhere on a Saturday and I run into a herd of these fucks taking up the road.  I'm droppin it in low and hammerin the gas with the horn ablowin'!
USE THE SIDEWALK FUCKERS!!!


Cause Cyclists are BULLSHIT!!!

YWKWB QUICKIE: Yellow Starburst

Yellow Starburst are BULLSHIT!!!



I fuckin hate yellow Starburst!  When you get a two pack of Starburst and you open them up to find this.......



You are so fuckin pissed!  When you get ready to open a two pack, you're hoping for 2 reds or 2 pinks or a combo red and pink.  If there is an orange in the mix, you're not too disappointed, but if there is a yellow, you're like.......FUCK!  But if there are 2 yellows, holy shit!  It's like dating a girl for a while, getting her back to your place, things get serious, you get her to the bedroom, things are getting hot and heavy, you slide those panties off................and she HAS A DICK!  That's how fuckin disappointing 2 yellows are.

Yellow Starburst are the worst candy EVER, THERE'S NEVER BEEN A WORST CANDY!!!

And if you are one of the freaks that "loves" yellow Starburst, well.....your vote doesn't count cause there is obviously something wrong with you.  You probably like candy corn and root beer barrels, too.  FREAK!

Hey Starburst, fuckin knock it off!!!  Cause your yellow ones are BULLSHIT!!!

Continued Space Exploration

Continued Space Exploration is BULLSHIT!!!



With the recent news that NASA is now looking to build a "taxi" system to take people back and forth to the international space station, I couldn't resist.  I have been wanting to write on the topic of space exploration for a while now and with NASA back in the news for their fuckin cab rides to outer space, I seized the moment.  Now before people start defending NASA and telling me we wouldn't have things like Kevlar, cell phones, and Temperpedic Mattresses without NASA, you are correct.  All that stuff is awesome.  If anything, NASA should stop all the spacecraft Star Wars BULLSHIT and open a facility totally dedicated to the invention of these technologies.  That said, there is a LOT of BULLSHIT NASA spends our alotted tax dollars on.  Where shall we start?

$18,700,000,000
That is NASA's budget this year.  That is how much of our hard earned tax dollars is going to fund NASA's next BULLSHIT idea.  18.7 BILLION DOLLARS!!!  It's hard to grasp how much fuckin money that is, so I'll give you a visual.

If we use $100 bills, this is a million dollars:



Meh, not that impressive.  Using the same $100 bills, here is a billion dollars:

Wow, not that is some fuckin cash!  Well, think about this for a moment, you would need another 177 pallets of $100 bills just like these to equal 18.7 BILLION dollars!  That's a 20 foot square 2 story building completely filled to the brim with $100 bills.  HOLY SHIT!!! That is a fuckload of money! 

Here's the deal, this is the same budget these dicksuckers at NASA had last fuckin year!  Yeah, 18.7 billion dollars sounded good last year, why not this year?  So lets see what 18.7 billion dollars bought us last year.  Lets see here, oh, the Messenger Spacecraft that NASA lauched 6.5 fuckin years ago and cost 4.9 BILLION dollars finally reached Mars and now orbits the planet every 12 hours and takes pictures of its surface.  NASA now dedicates an entire fuckin team to monitor and log all the images and data from this piece of shit.

That one is paying dividends for us!  Finally, what I have always wanted, pictures of the surface of Mars.....EVERY FUCKIN 12 HOURS!  Moving on.....last July, NASA's ion-propelled spacecraft DAWN, which had traveled 1.7 billion miles, reached an asteroid.......and took a fuckin picture of it.  NICE!

In the picture is a mountian on the asteroid.  NASA tells us that the mountian is taller than any on Earth, so for those few people who have made it up Everest and lived.....NASA has your next challange.  I hear they have cab rides now, but a 1.7 billion mile cab fare might bust your budget. 

Now here is an interesting one, NASA found "bubbles" at the edge of our solar system.....AWESOME!

The bubbles are magnetic and NASA's way of describing them is "twisted and wrinkled, like a ballerina's skirt".  Wow, slow the fuck down with all the scientific terms!  This past December, the Mars rover Opportunity took this picture of the surface of Mars....

If your wondering what the fuck that is?  Well, that is a gypsum deposit that the rover found on Mars.  A rover that was suppose to be on Mars looking for water.  It found a mineral.  A mineral so rare that you can only find it in a few locations around the US.....pretty much any hardware store.  WHAT!?!  Yes, gypsum is a mineral used to make drywall.  So, if Home Depot ever runs out of drywall and you need some to finish your basement project, just hop a space cab to Mars and grab ya some! 

What you might not know is that the Mars rover Opportunity has a twin called Spirit.  Yeah, there are two of these fuckin things on Mars, but NASA lost the signal to the Spirit rover like a fuckin dropped cell phone call and they can't get it back!  How much did that piece of shit cost us you might wonder?  Well, NASA wants to build another rover called Curiousity and its price tag is 2.5 billion dollars!  And I thought I was pissed when I dropped a call on my cell.  If it cost me 2.5 billion dollars, holy shit!   Funny that they named it Curiousity, cause I have a Curiousity.....WHO THE FUCK KEEPS FUNDING THIS BULLSHIT!!!

This next one is my favorite.  Last February, one of NASA's probes took pictures of the opposite side of the sun for us. 

The opposite side of the sun?    Doesn't this ball of dirt we are on rotate around the sun?  One rotation around the sun was a year the last time I checked.  So......if we wanted a picture of the opposite side of the sun, why didn't we take a picture, wait 6 months and then take another one?  What.  The.  Fuck!?! 

So our oh-so wise government decided that they'll keep the budget the same, brilliant!  Right here is where I will point out that the Department of Transportation's budget for this year is 13.4 billion dollars.  So the next time you are driving down the highway and hit a patch of road like this.....

Don't worry about it.  Just relax, knowing that as you read this, NASA is still trying to get ahold of the Mars Rover Spirit on the worlds most expensive cell phone and taking pictures of the Sun's ass!

Fuck YOU NASA!  Cause Continued Space Exploration is BULLSHIT!!!