iTunes software

iTunes software is BULLSHIT!!!

Before we get started, YES I do have an iPod.  In fact, we own two, one is mine and the other is my wife's.  The iPod is great and I love the size of it and the amount of music it holds.  I love that we can listen to music in the car on long trips and I can take my music to work with me and listen to it there.  There are so many uses for the iPod it is just too hard to list them all.  Oh, I forgot the best part, I love how if you touch ANY folder in your library subdirectories, iTunes takes your music library, playlists, and song ratings out back behind the shed and fucks them like a dollar whore.  I mean seriously Apple, WHAT THE FUCK!?! 

For having one of the most advanced pieces of technology in the last decade, you would think that Apple would invest some of the billions that they make off of these things and provide some decent fuckin user software to go along with it.  NO, what do we get?  iTunes, the most anti-user friendly piece of shit I have have ever seen.  Now don't get me wrong, the finding the music part and actually downloading it isn't bad.  It could be better, but I'll leave that alone.  It is the behind the scenes part of the software that is total fuckin BULLSHIT! 

If you have an iTunes account and you have more than one iPod in the house, you are fucked!  You know why?  Cause in all their infinite wisdom, Apple still can't figure out a way to have two iPods on the same computer with seperate accounts.  WHAT!?!  Yea, that totally makes sense.  "See here at Apple, we only want to sell one iPod per household.  Any more and it gets complicated."  No that's not their business strategy.  They want everyone in the world to have three of 'em.  So don't you think more than one might exist in a couple of households across America?  So why can't I have separate syncs and separate accounts for multiple iPods in iTunes on one computer you fuckin idiots?  Seriously, are you that stupid Apple!?!  Now there are assholes out there that tell you how to have multiple libraries in iTunes.  And to them I say kiss my dick!  They tell you to hold the shift key and go to programs and select iTunes and press the iTunes icon and let go of shift key and stand on your left foot and spin around three times and whip your dick out and bang it on the keyboard and THEN pick your library.  WELL FUCK YOU!  If it is that complicated, fuck it!  Here's the deal, if you do have multiple libraries in iTunes, whomever had their library open last is what iTunes will bring up if you double-click the iTunes icon.  So if I was the last one using it and my wife plugs in her iPod, iTunes opens my library and syncs her iPod with it, wiping out her music from the iPod and putting all of my music on hers.  Guess who gets to clean up that fuckin mess!  Just what I wanted to spend my afternoon doing you fuckin dicklickers!  And don't preach to me about making my iPod do manual syncs.  That is BULLSHIT.  I don't have to tell my cell phone to charge after I plug it into the wall, it just does it.  I fuckin hate you iTunes, you are the devil.



So what's the solution?  Well luckily we have a laptop that runs on a wireless network that I setup to share with our desktop files.  So I downloaded yet another copy of iTunes to it and made that my computer that I do syncs with on my iPod.  Problem solved.  Well, you would think, but the dumb fucks at Apple made iTunes with a non corrective associated file base.  Yes, they are dumb.  So when I wanted to use my music that I had on the desktop computer, I moved the iTunes music folder that had all the music that my wife's iPod was pulling from to the shared folder that my laptop could pull from.  This way both iPods could share the music folder and pull from it.  Right?  WRONG!  Well, unknowing what I did was the equivalent of pressing the launch button at a nuclear missile site.  Cause once that folder was moved, iTunes had a fuckin stroke and didn't know where to look, which I suspected would happen.  So when I open iTunes, all the fuckin songs have the dreaded exclamation point next to them.  I double-click one and it asks where the folder went with the song in it.  I told it, fully expecting it to populate the rest of the library.  Right?  Oh fuck no!  That would be way too easy.  It wanted me to do that for every fuckin song in the library.  ARE YOU FUCKIN CRAZY!?!  That's like 13 gig of music times six mouse clicks!  Why in the fuck won't the software just look in that folder for the rest of the fuckin music!  Do they think I moved each song to a seperate folder?  Are you there Apple, you dicks!  I demand an answer cause I have other computer programs that I work in for a living and if something getting moved or you switch servers you just tell the program where you moved it and goes out and guess what?.....finds it all for you, assholes!

Here is the biggest BULLSHIT of it all.  The newest version of iTunes is 10.2.whatever the fuck and all of this shit is still happening!  This is bullshit that should have been worked out in Beta testing.  What fuckin focus group beta tested this thing.  Was it a room full of chimps? 



At least by version 2.0 or even 3.0 you would think they would have this worked out, but no, they choose to ignore it.  So I get to spend how many hours fixing this fucked up folder mess?  Tell 'em stupid spiked hair guy.



Yea, like 5 fuckin hours to get all this bullshit worked out.  Cause when you move a iTunes Music folder it wipes out any backed up previous libraries that it saved and it doesn't retain any music that you ripped from your CD collection.  Game over, start again.  I got a better idea, how bout I throw the iPod in the trash, delete iTunes from my computer and do like this guy....



...and punch myself in the dick!  It would be easier than fuckin wasting away my day rearranging folders on a computer.  If I wanted to be a fuckin IT guy I would call up the nearest Technical Institute and sign up.  All I know is if I had to go through this nightmare of file structure again, I'm diggin out my fuckin CD's and my discman and sayin fuck it!

Cause iTunes software is BULLSHIT!

No Receipt Paper at the Pump

No Receipt Paper at the Pump is BULLSHIT!!!



OK, so I'm driving to work and I'm gettin low on gas.  So I pull into the gas station on my way to work and start to fill up.  When I put my card in to start the pump, it asks me a very simple question.  "Would you like a receipt?"  "Yes or No."  Well yes I would and I'll tell you why.  See, I still do this crazy thing that my grandfather did and he passed down to my father and he passed it onto me.  I forget the name of it......oh, ya BALANCING MY CHECKBOOK.  See I want to know how much money is actually in my account so I don't spend every fuckin cent and then some.  So I press "YES".  The pump says "OK, you want a receipt, no problem, I'll start pumping your gas and we'll work this whole receipt thing out when I'm finished."  So I finish pumping the gas and put up the nozzle.  The machine then acts as if it is going to go ahead and print that receipt that we talked about earlier, but guess what....it fuckin doesn't.  Nope, right there on the screen are the words: "Please see cashier for receipt."  Well fuck me, isn't that convenient.  Total BULLSHIT!

I mean these are convenient stores, right?  Do they know what convenient means?  Maybe not, maybe this is an inconvenient store and I was not aware.  Maybe when I walk in the store to get my receipt, I look around at all the stuff on the shelves and it's placed really high and out of reach. 



They offer you a ladder to reach everything, but all the rungs are broken, and they have gallons of milk for sale, but they are all expired.  Maybe they sale candy bars on the high shelves, but they are all melted.  You see my point. 

Lets see what Wikipedia has to say about paying at the pump:

 "The system allows customers the convenience of not having to walk far from their vehicle, wait in line, or wait for the human station attendant to process the transaction. It also provides the attendants the advantage of being able to tend to other duties rather than being busy with customers."

That sounds great!  Cause if I wanted to walk into the shithole gas station and stand behind Fat Nancy while she buys her 18th Powerball ticket and her 19th pack of smokes, I would.  But I don't want to walk into the store, that's why I slid that piece of plastic that I tote around in my wallet into your fancy gas machine, you dumb fucks!  Now it also says it allows the attendants the advantage of being able to tend to other duties.  Other duties, hum............what other duties do you think they are referring to.  How bout fillin the fuckin receipt paper, how about that duty, you sumbitch!  Maybe they think the duty that are talking about is smoking another fuckin Camel no filter by the front door. 



That way when there isn't any paper and I do get to walk my ass all the way into the store.....I get to smoke a Camel no filter TOO!  Awesome!!!  I was hoping to smell like an ashtray before I got to work this morning, mission accomplished!

I don't know how many fuckin times I pull into a gas station and the receipt paper is out.  It's gotta be in the hundreds by now.  It's always the same fuckin gas station, too.  The only gas station on my way to and from work and they can't refill a fuckin roll of paper!  Well, here's another idea and I'm just throwing these around now, so stay with with me.  How bout when I put my card in to pay, instead of asking if I would like a receipt.............tell me that the fuckin paper is OUT!  Then I wouldn't get my hopes up that this piece of shit is going to spit one out when I'm done, assholes!  Or I'll do you one better, how bout you hire a fuckin person that doesn't smoke 10 hours in a shift and have this person refill the fuckin receipt paper as part of their job and not when they need another fuckin cig. 

Cause your pumps running out of paper is BULLSHIT!!!

Stock Market Gas Prices

Gas Prices fluctuating like the stock market is BULLSHIT!!!



Now I'm not talking about gas prices being high, we all know that is BULLSHIT!  When you buy gas, everyone knows who's getting screwed!  Me and you!  I'm talking about the gas prices that change daily like it's the fuckin DOW JONES!

Now everyone has their gas station that you go to.  It's the same one that you drive by everyday going to work and coming back from work.  You drive by every morning and gas prices are up.  Shocker!  But here's the BULLSHIT that really pisses me off.  Nobody told me that I would have to be a daytrader in order to not get fucked on gas prices. 

Scenerio #1:
I drive by my gas station in the morning, gas is $3.59 a gallon.  I'm thinking, "I still have a quarter tank, I'll just wait until tomorrow."  So tomorrow comes and I drive by, still $3.59 a gallon.  Well, tank is getting a little lower, but I'm still holding out.  I'm willing to bet that it will drop a couple of cents and then I will buy it on my way home.  I'm a regular daytrader, look at me.  I'm going to hold out and buy low.  But here in lies the gamble.  Because on the flip side of the coin, it could go up and then you're screwed!  But I'm feelin lucky, so lets do this shit, I'm pushin the envelope!  So lunchtime rolls around and some coworkers are going out to eat, I ride along.  We go by the same gas station as we go into town.  We round the corner, I look up and YESSSSSSS!!!!!!!  $3.49 baby!  Daddy's a high roller tonight.  I'm telling everyone in the car how I almost stopped this morning for gas and how I had a feeling it would go down.  Others in the car are saying how they bought gas this morning and are pissed that they didn't wait.  HAHA, it's a good day.  So we return to work, finish the afternoon and I'm heading home.  When I take off, my gas light in my car comes on.  I'm thinking "Just in time."  So, I drive to the same gas station on my way home, round the corner and I look up.........$3.61 a gallon..........MOTHERFUCKER!!!  ARE YOU SHITTIN ME!?!  What fuckin terrorist attack or Gulf Hurricane did I miss this afternoon?  Did we bomb some oil field halfway round the planet while I was working?  What THE FUCK is with the roller coaster stock market gas prices?  TOTAL BULLSHIT!

Scenrio #2:  (One week later)
I drive by my gas station in the morning, gas is $3.59 a gallon.  I'm thinking, I still have a quarter tank, but I'm not getting fucked like I did last week.  I pull in and fill 'er up.  Go to work, finish the day and head home.  I drive by the same fuckin gas station on my way home, round the corner and look up.........$3.47 a gallon..........REALLY!?!  AGAIN!!!  FUCK YOU GAS STATION!!!   

Scenrio #3:  (The next day)
I drive by my gas station in the morning, gas is $3.47 a gallon.  Bought gas yesterday, I have a full tank so I'll pass.  I drive by my gas station the next morning, gas is $3.47 a gallon.  Don't need gas.  I drive by my gas station the next morning, gas is $3.47 a gallon.  Don't need gas, still have half a tank.  I drive by my gas station the next morning, gas is $3.47 a gallon.  Don't need gas.  I drive by my gas station the next morning, gas is $3.47 a gallon.  Don't need gas, have a quarter tank.  I drive by my gas station the next morning, gas is $3.47 a gallon.  Don't need gas.  Leave work that afternoon, gas light comes on.  Drive by the gas station on my way home, look up.....$3.64 a gallon.  WELL, KISS MY DICK!!

I swear the oil companies have a trained psychologist on staff that teaches them these marketing tactics.  They train the gas stations to break you down psychologically by fucking you several different ways each and everyday.  You get fucked by the gas station every other time you drive by it, pretty soon you'll just pull in and buy gas no matter what the price, just so you don't have to deal with the psychological warfare.  Your like, "Am I getting the best price?  What if I wait a day, it could go down.  Oh shit, but it could go up too.  What if I buy it here and the next station is cheaper?  What if I don't buy it here and the next station is more expensive.  Fuck, I better just pull in and buy gas now."  And that is where they've got ya, by the balls.  You have no fucking way of even coming close to guessing what gas prices are going to do.  It would be easier to forecast the weather than to guess at gas prices.  You could have fuckin degree in Statistics and you would be like, "Fuck this, I'm just gonna buy it at the first place I see!"

It's always a psychological game that they play with gas prices.  If gas is at $2.50 a gallon and you buy it and then it goes to $2.80, your like "I wish gas was $2.50 again, that was awesome when it was $2.50."  Then they lower it to $2.70 and it's like "Well, that's better than $2.80."  So you buy the shit out of it.  Then they raise it to $3.10 and your like "This blows."  But you continue to buy the shit out it.  Then it goes up to $3.60 and your like "Remember when gas was $3.10, that was fuckin awesome!"  Then they drop it a little to stop the bitching and you buy the shit out of it.  Then raise it to $4.25 and that $3.60 was lookin like a hell of a deal, wish we had that back.  Pretty soon gas it $7.75 a gallon and your saying "Remember when gas was $7.00 a gallon, those were the days, wish gas was $7.00 again."  They mind fuck you into thinking that $7.00 was the deal of the century, then they drop it back down to $7.00 a gallon and people are filling up tankers full it thinking that they'll never see gas prices this low again.  I smell BULLSHIT!

It's sad, but true.  If you look at this picture and the first thing you notice is a fuckin plane crash, then you haven't bought gas in a while!



Until they invent a car that runs on fuckin salt water, you need gas to get to your job so you can make more money, so you can buy more gas so you can keep driving to your job.  It's a vicious cycle and that is fine, I'll deal with that, but the everyday changing of the gas prices has got to stop.  Since I can't pour ANY ol' liquid into my gas tank to make my car go, I have to buy stupid gasoline and play their stupid fuckin games.  If I wanted to play the stock market, I would.  Don't make me guess at stupid shit that I buy on a regular basis.  If I had to work this hard to find the best price on toilet paper everytime I went to a store......I'd say "Fuck it" and wipe my ass with a handful of leaves out of the yard.

Cause playing the stock market when buying gas is BULLSHIT!!!

e-mail Hacking

e-mail Hacking is BULLSHIT!!!

Somewhere in a small room in his parents basement is a fuckin nerd with his button up shirt and his pocket protector in, staring at a computer screen laughing while he finishes his last bowl of romen noodles.  He's laughing cause he just finished writing code for a virus that will eventually be passed around and hack my e-mail account, sending out e-mails to every one of my contacts. 


You motherfucker!  I hope you fall asleep late one night from writing thousands of line of code and your fuckin hard drive overheats, catches fire subsequently causing you to burst into flames.  And as you run around the room with your fuckin head on fire, I hope you think about one thing.......hacking my e-mail account.

I don't know who to be pissed at more, the basement nerd or Microsoft for their horrible fuckin account security.  I mean, are you telling me that it's 2011 and we still can't fight internet terrorism any better than this.  Some asshole living under a rock somewhere with a lot of spare time and a internet connection can get into people's e-mail accounts and go hog wild.  Come on people!  What are we working on that we can't find a solution to this?  Oh yah, I forget that there are more important issues like designing the next great iphone app or a new feature for your Facebook wall.  Give me a fuckin break!  If anyone could come up with a solution for this BULLSHIT I guarantee you that everyone with a computer would pay for it and that fucker would be rich.  But no, what does that guy do with his spare time?  He writes programs and embeds viruses and worms on people's PCs so they fuck shit up.  And then the dumbass isn't even making any money by offering a solution to the problem.  At least when you get a malware virus, they are trying to sell you the "fix" for it.  Not these cocksuckers.  They just fuck shit up, that's all, just tear shit up, it's fun for them. 

These dicks have no interest in contributing to society.  They spend their days tucked away in dark rooms writing their next virus so they can be assholes like the guys who used to pick on them in high school.  Fuckin grow up and go get a job at OfficeMax or somethin' you lazy fucks!  At least then when I go in to buy printer paper and you count back my change, you can feel like you've really done something with your life.  Writing viruses behind closed doors gets you no recognition.  At least come forward and claim your prize, so we all know who's ass to beat, you little fuckin weasels!

The worst part is that they send out stupid shit in their e-mail hacks like this:



A fake Canadian drug company who sells "cheap" Viagra and Cialis.  Really!?!  Well I'll tell you right now you dumb fuck, you are barking up the wrong tree.  You might as well be trying to sell me cheap tampons cause I'm not buying.  I got a couple of these sent to me from friend's e-mail accounts that got hacked and didn't think anything about it.  Then mine gets hacked and they send this Viagra BULLSHIT to every e-mail account contact that I have and they all think I am pushing big dick pills over the internet.  Well fuck you!

Here's the thing, you can send this shit to me all you want, I have a delete key.  But when you send this shit to my grandma through my e-mail account, then we have some fuckin problems.  This is the point when I was hoping your hard drive would catch fire.  Again, I don't think my grandma needs big dick pills either.  And my former bosses or high school friends probably don't want Cialis, so quit wasting your time and find a real fuckin job.  Yah, that sounds like a good plan.  Go get a job, save up some cash, go to CarMax, put a down payment on a '98 honda civic, get it tuned up, get on Google maps, find the nearest body of water, take Saturday off and drive there, find a cliff overlooking the water, accelerate to a rapid speed and launch your dumbass off in it with the fuckin windows down....cocksucker!


Cause you hacking my e-mail is BULLSHIT!!!

AT&T U-verse Customer Service

AT&T U-verse Customer Service is BULLSHIT!!!

I fuckin heart U-verse TV and the gateway that comes with the system has a built in wireless modem that I can pickup with my laptop with excellent connection speed.  U-verse SERVICE is awesome.  That is not what we are talking about here.  I love my U-verse TV and internet.   Moving on to Customer Service.

Before we dive into this thing, here's three things about the U-verse Customer Service (UCS) that I like:
1.  Not based out of India.  Thank you AT&T for not jumping on this fuckin train.  If UCS was based out of India, I wouldn't be writing this right now cause I would of killed myself long ago.
2.  You don't have to press 1 for English.  Holy shit!  It knows that I am an American and can speak the native tongue.
3.  You don't have to spend 6.5 hours on hold before anyone talks to you.  Two thumbs up.

BUT............that is where it ends cause once that person answers the phone on the other end it's a fuckin crap shoot.  The dildos that answer the phone for this company are complete idiots.  You expect to call in and hear a voice on the other end that brings images of this to mind:


Instead when I call in, I feel like this is who's on the other end:

I mean fuckin seriously, sometimes you get people that "read the screen" like a robot, others who hack-n-cough in the mic on their phone, and still others who would better humanity by washing windows on a street corner somewhere. 

These assholes always treat you like you have never touched a piece of electronic equipment before.  Hey UCS, you ever thought that the person on the other end of the phone, particularly ME, might know more than you ever thought about knowing when it comes to electronic systems or electrical gadgets in general?  No you haven't?  Well you should, cause the next time I call in and you describe to me in great detail what a network cable is and how to unplug it from the wall, I might fuckin snap, take the cable out of the wall, find you and beat you merciless with it.  I mean come on, if you don't know what a network cable is or a wireless modem is, then you probably don't know how to use your remote and shouldn't have the service anyway! 

Save me the BULLSHIT and when you answer the phone, ask one simple question, "Sir, on a scale from 1 to 10, how strong would you rate your technical knowledge?"  I would reply, "Probably a 9."  They would say "Oh, so I don't have to speak to you slowly like you have some sort of mental disability?"  I say, "No, you don't, I know some shit."  Then they would say, "OK, so we can skip the kindergarten BULLSHIT and actually get to the root of your problem."  I say, "Ya, lets do that."  Pretty simple. 

Instead I call in two weeks ago and have no TV or internet service, and the first fuckin thing the guy asks me is "Do you know where the gateway is located in your home?"  I say, "Why, are you going to have me reboot it, cause I already tried that."  He says, "Well, we are going to reboot it again."  Oh well shit, I beat that does it.  Why didn't I think of that?  Dumbass!  But he can't think for himself cause the computer screen in front of him says to have the customer reboot the gateway.  So until we do that, he can't move to the next screen with more instructions for the dummy, so I do it.  Here's the deal though, rebooting the gateway takes like 15 mins, literally.  15 mins I don't want to spend on the phone listening to Malcom breathe heavily into his mic.  That is why I eliminated that problem from the beginning.  I also tried resetting the cable boxes at each TV.  That did nothing.  But here is the biggest clue of all, on the gateway there is a light that is usually green and says "Service".  On my box the light is red.  Hum.......I wonder if red means it's working?  Probably NOT asshole!  So after 47 mins of his BULLSHIT screen instructions he is all out of guesses and schedules a technician to come to the house, but he can't come until Sat Morning from 8am to 1pm.  How bout 46 mins ago when I told you that rebooting the gateway did nothing and there is no service light on, you schedule it then, dick for brains.  Then I still have 45 mins of my life back and don't have to know that Malcom has some sort of wheezing issue.  And a five hour window two days from now is a bunch of BULLSHIT!  If I would of hung up the phone and started studying the manual that the technician learned from, I could of fixed it myself by Friday morning. 

So after I get off phone, I found out from three other neighbors that their service is out too.  I also find out that there is a U-verse repair truck down the street at the fiber optic hub. 



Well, well, so I call back into UCS to ask them if this truck is working on something that could potentially fix my service as well and then I could cancel the Saturday appt.  Here is what they said, not shittin, can't make this shit up.  "Um, well sir, we have no way of knowing what the service technicians are working on in the field."  WHAT!  WHAT THE FUCK!?!  Are you serious!?!  Did you just say that?  Yes, you just said that.  Holy shit!  You are telling me that there are thousands of U-verse trucks just driving around aimlessly and no one knows where there are going or what they are doing?  For being one of the largest providers of communication on the fuckin planet you guys don't do a whole lot of it, do ya?

They don't have a fuckin clue, so I do it the old fashion way and walk down to the guy at the hub and simply ask him if what he is working on will probably fix my house as well.  He said yes and asked what house was mine and he would tell me when anything changes.  This was the nicest guy you could want to meet.  About an hour or so later, he can down to tell me I should have service again.  We checked and yes we do.  You are fuckin awesome random tech guy.  I asked him what gives with the UCS people and not having a fuckin clue as to what goes on in the field.  This is what he said.  "Those guys don't know their asses from holes in the wall."  Well put.  Coming from the guy who has to deal with these numbskulls everyday, I'd say he is probably spot on. 

So today I wake up and same thing happens, no service and no service light.  So I call first thing and tell them it is the same situation that happened two weeks ago and they need to see if it is a repeat problem.  The guy on the other end says, "Sir, do you know where your gateway is located in your home?"

OH KISS MY ASS!  Cause AT&T U-verse Customer Service is BULLSHIT!!!