YWKWB QUICKIE: Yellow Starburst

Yellow Starburst are BULLSHIT!!!



I fuckin hate yellow Starburst!  When you get a two pack of Starburst and you open them up to find this.......



You are so fuckin pissed!  When you get ready to open a two pack, you're hoping for 2 reds or 2 pinks or a combo red and pink.  If there is an orange in the mix, you're not too disappointed, but if there is a yellow, you're like.......FUCK!  But if there are 2 yellows, holy shit!  It's like dating a girl for a while, getting her back to your place, things get serious, you get her to the bedroom, things are getting hot and heavy, you slide those panties off................and she HAS A DICK!  That's how fuckin disappointing 2 yellows are.

Yellow Starburst are the worst candy EVER, THERE'S NEVER BEEN A WORST CANDY!!!

And if you are one of the freaks that "loves" yellow Starburst, well.....your vote doesn't count cause there is obviously something wrong with you.  You probably like candy corn and root beer barrels, too.  FREAK!

Hey Starburst, fuckin knock it off!!!  Cause your yellow ones are BULLSHIT!!!

Continued Space Exploration

Continued Space Exploration is BULLSHIT!!!



With the recent news that NASA is now looking to build a "taxi" system to take people back and forth to the international space station, I couldn't resist.  I have been wanting to write on the topic of space exploration for a while now and with NASA back in the news for their fuckin cab rides to outer space, I seized the moment.  Now before people start defending NASA and telling me we wouldn't have things like Kevlar, cell phones, and Temperpedic Mattresses without NASA, you are correct.  All that stuff is awesome.  If anything, NASA should stop all the spacecraft Star Wars BULLSHIT and open a facility totally dedicated to the invention of these technologies.  That said, there is a LOT of BULLSHIT NASA spends our alotted tax dollars on.  Where shall we start?

$18,700,000,000
That is NASA's budget this year.  That is how much of our hard earned tax dollars is going to fund NASA's next BULLSHIT idea.  18.7 BILLION DOLLARS!!!  It's hard to grasp how much fuckin money that is, so I'll give you a visual.

If we use $100 bills, this is a million dollars:



Meh, not that impressive.  Using the same $100 bills, here is a billion dollars:

Wow, not that is some fuckin cash!  Well, think about this for a moment, you would need another 177 pallets of $100 bills just like these to equal 18.7 BILLION dollars!  That's a 20 foot square 2 story building completely filled to the brim with $100 bills.  HOLY SHIT!!! That is a fuckload of money! 

Here's the deal, this is the same budget these dicksuckers at NASA had last fuckin year!  Yeah, 18.7 billion dollars sounded good last year, why not this year?  So lets see what 18.7 billion dollars bought us last year.  Lets see here, oh, the Messenger Spacecraft that NASA lauched 6.5 fuckin years ago and cost 4.9 BILLION dollars finally reached Mars and now orbits the planet every 12 hours and takes pictures of its surface.  NASA now dedicates an entire fuckin team to monitor and log all the images and data from this piece of shit.

That one is paying dividends for us!  Finally, what I have always wanted, pictures of the surface of Mars.....EVERY FUCKIN 12 HOURS!  Moving on.....last July, NASA's ion-propelled spacecraft DAWN, which had traveled 1.7 billion miles, reached an asteroid.......and took a fuckin picture of it.  NICE!

In the picture is a mountian on the asteroid.  NASA tells us that the mountian is taller than any on Earth, so for those few people who have made it up Everest and lived.....NASA has your next challange.  I hear they have cab rides now, but a 1.7 billion mile cab fare might bust your budget. 

Now here is an interesting one, NASA found "bubbles" at the edge of our solar system.....AWESOME!

The bubbles are magnetic and NASA's way of describing them is "twisted and wrinkled, like a ballerina's skirt".  Wow, slow the fuck down with all the scientific terms!  This past December, the Mars rover Opportunity took this picture of the surface of Mars....

If your wondering what the fuck that is?  Well, that is a gypsum deposit that the rover found on Mars.  A rover that was suppose to be on Mars looking for water.  It found a mineral.  A mineral so rare that you can only find it in a few locations around the US.....pretty much any hardware store.  WHAT!?!  Yes, gypsum is a mineral used to make drywall.  So, if Home Depot ever runs out of drywall and you need some to finish your basement project, just hop a space cab to Mars and grab ya some! 

What you might not know is that the Mars rover Opportunity has a twin called Spirit.  Yeah, there are two of these fuckin things on Mars, but NASA lost the signal to the Spirit rover like a fuckin dropped cell phone call and they can't get it back!  How much did that piece of shit cost us you might wonder?  Well, NASA wants to build another rover called Curiousity and its price tag is 2.5 billion dollars!  And I thought I was pissed when I dropped a call on my cell.  If it cost me 2.5 billion dollars, holy shit!   Funny that they named it Curiousity, cause I have a Curiousity.....WHO THE FUCK KEEPS FUNDING THIS BULLSHIT!!!

This next one is my favorite.  Last February, one of NASA's probes took pictures of the opposite side of the sun for us. 

The opposite side of the sun?    Doesn't this ball of dirt we are on rotate around the sun?  One rotation around the sun was a year the last time I checked.  So......if we wanted a picture of the opposite side of the sun, why didn't we take a picture, wait 6 months and then take another one?  What.  The.  Fuck!?! 

So our oh-so wise government decided that they'll keep the budget the same, brilliant!  Right here is where I will point out that the Department of Transportation's budget for this year is 13.4 billion dollars.  So the next time you are driving down the highway and hit a patch of road like this.....

Don't worry about it.  Just relax, knowing that as you read this, NASA is still trying to get ahold of the Mars Rover Spirit on the worlds most expensive cell phone and taking pictures of the Sun's ass!

Fuck YOU NASA!  Cause Continued Space Exploration is BULLSHIT!!!

3D Technology

3D Technology is BULLSHIT!!!



It has been a long while since I have been to the movies, mainly cause I am sick of getting ass raped by AMC theatres to the tune of $24.00 for my wife and myself just to watch a fuckin movie.  The same length movie I can rent for a $1.19 at any Redbox, tax and all!  BUT, the last time I was there, I was thinking "You know what this movie needs........sunglasses!"  Yep, sunglasses.  That would make this whole movie-going experience SO MUCH better.  If I could wear blue-blockers and watch Jackass in 3D, this would be the best date night EVER!


Who in their right fuckin mind would pay $24.00 to see a movie, then add $5 a ticket for 3D?  Idiots, that's who.  3D.......WHAT THE FUCK!?!  It's a stupid marketing gimmick that has waves of fucktards piling into every theatre across the country.  People will buy anything, you know why?  Cause people are stupid!  Don't believe me?  Work in retail for 2 weeks, and tell me that people aren't stupid.  Dumb people buy dumb shit ALL the time.  Why do you think when you are checking out at any store, they have six million little stupid things dummies can buy on their way out?  Cause silly shit sells and 3D is silly shit.

3D has been around for fuckin decades.  The Prizma color system was used in the FUCKIN 20's to show 3D movies.  That fad went away and when people stopped going to the fucking movies, what do you think that they did?  Yep, in the early 50's, they brought it back. They did it again in the 80's.  And now it's back again.  Are you seeing a trend here?  This isn't new technology people!  This is ways for movie companies to make shitloads of money when times get hard, and who is paying for it?  People that go see these pieces of shit, that's who!  All this 3D shit recirculates every thirty years or so and people hop back on the 3D wagon.  Well, not this guy.  I don't buy into fuckin fads and crazes.  Look at the iPhone craze and tell me that the hype and the build up to the all important launch date doesn't fuel that retard rocket to higher sales numbers.  Dumb people will fuckin camp out for 5 days to buy a cell phone.  A cell phone, that by all standards has some major problems in the antenna and reception department, but morons will shuffle in lines for fuckin hours to have one.  Why?  Cause it's "cool". 

Ya, how cool do I look?  Really cool.



3D is nothing more than a way to get people back in the seats at the theatre.  People have started to move away from the movies with all the shit that is available at home.  You can watch pretty much whatever the fuck you want and not leave your house.  But then the retards that went to the theaters and spent all their money watching 3D movies can afford to go anymore.  Now what?  Welllllllllll, now for the low price of several grand, you can watch this stupid shit at home.  Oh yeah, 3D televisions are all the new craze.  Gotta get me one of those!  Yes, now you and your dummy friends can sit around and watch all your 3D favorites from the comfort of your trailer home couch. 

Ummmmmmm, here's the deal.  If I wanted to walk around my house wearing fucking sunglasses, I would, but now I can't even watch TV without wearing them?  WELL, FUCK YOU!!!  If you think I am going to hunt down a pair of fuckin glasses to watch TV, you have lost your fuckin mind!  A few years back I had a thing done to my eyes, oh what was it called?!?!?  Oh yeah, FUCKIN LASIK EYE SURGERY.  You know why?  Cause I was tired of wearing glasses, but more importantly hunting down and, holy shit, sitting on them and breaking them.  Now you are going to try to sell me a pair that takes batteries and a TV that requires me to wear them?  Well, suck a bagful of dicks, cause that is NOT TECHNOLOGY!  Call me when you have a TV that is just like the TV I have now, where I don't have to wear battery-powered accessories and we'll talk.  If your TV requires any extra equipment and more fuckin batteries....piss off!  And don't get me started on 3D video cameras, if your life sucks so much that you have to film it with a camera that makes shit pop of it, then you don't need a camera up to your head, you need a pistol.

Fuckin James Cameron is to blame for all this shit!  His overgrown smurf movie got ALL this 3D BULLSHIT roaring back into the theatres. 



I thought it was a summer craze, but when all the major TV manufacturers rushed out and started producing this BULLSHIT then you knew it was going to be here for a while.  I'm hoping it ends like BetaMax and I can laugh at all the dumb fucks with a 3D TV's sitting in the corner of their garages covered in dust. 

I know by boycotting the whole 3D experience I am probably missing out on some pretty cool 3D movies like........
-Shark Night 3D
-Harold and Kumar Christmas 3D
-Piranha 3D
-Jonas Brothers 3D Concert Experience
-My Bloody Valentine 3D
-Step Up 3D
-Dolphin Tale 3D
-Fright Night 3D
-Spy Kids 3D
-Happy Feet II 3D

.........and many many more blockbusters and are sure to be talked about twenty years from now.

Here's the deal, if you can't summon the brain power to provide perspective when you watch a movie and create the third dimension for yourself without it being manufactured, then you don't need to sit in front of a TV, you need to sit in the corner and drool on yourself.  3D is a fucking pointless, expensive, and a overused marketing gimmick!  And if you're one of the fucksticks that thinks otherwise and are proud of your 3D camera and TV, then you and James Cameron can put on the stupid battery-powered sunglasses that you have to wear just to watch TV, and have a gander at this......



Cause 3D is BULLSHIT!!!

Fat People with Handicap Stickers

Handing out Handicap Stickers to Fat People is BULLSHIT!!!



This time of year I spend WAY more time going into places to buy shit for Christmas.  And every time I drive into the parking lot, there are like 57 parking spots just for handicap people.  Could there be any more fucking spots out front, right by the door, that have a blue square painted on them!?!  Holy shit, I can't imagine that there are that many handicap people in this town?  That's cause there's not!  The handicap spots are all taken by extremely overweight fuckin people! 

Occasionally, I will see a van lowering a ramp down with a disabled child in a wheelchair and I think that it is good that those spots are there, so that his mother doesn't have to push him a long way.  BUT, 93% of the time, I walk past the handicap spots and there is a woman with a FUPA (Fat Upper Pussy Area) getting out of her car immediately onto the scooters that the store provides these fat fucks! 



There is a reason that your ass hangs 18" off each side of the seat!  It was designed to fit little old crippled ladies who need to go to the store for milk.  I walk by you in the store and the mini cart attached to your fat ride couldn't fit one more Little Debbie product in it! 



Here's the deal, handicap parking spaces are there for a reason.  Some people really can't move their limbs or are missing them all together!  They drive their wheelchairs around by blowing into a tube or have their wrist strapped to a Nintendo joystick.  And they actually have wheelchairs they bought.  I know that concept escapes you cause buying a wheelchair takes money out of the Twinkie fund, but they roll into the store and right past the scooters that are sitting there.  Hell, some of them walk around with mechanical fuckin limbs!  You gettin my point fatty!?!



Take a look at these two, one is missing a leg and skiing and the other is missing her shit from the waist down and is competing in the paraolympics!  You can't get out of your car and walk into a store without collasping so you send someone in to drive out a fat scooter and pick you up like fuckin valet.

I place a lot of the blame for this BULLSHIT on the State Dept for handing out handicap stickers to fat people like they are fuckin samples at Sam's Club.  But, most of the blame lands on fatty for shoveling that 3rd bucket of chicken down your throat hole and even having the nerve to apply for a handicap sticker cause your obese!

Here's the thing Gilbert Grape's Mom, when they have to hoist you into bed with a motherfuckin cherry picker, it's time to put the ding dongs down!  This bitch looks awfully happy to be placed into bed by something that looks like it came off the Ford assembly line!



Fatties are all to happy to be moved around by pieces of motorized equipment that way they burn no calories what so ever!  And when the ice age returns we will be fucked and fatty can ride it out on the 38.5 year supply of body fat that they have stored up.

If anything, fat people should get handicap stickers, but they should be orange and have orange parking spots ALL THE WAY AT THE BACK OF THE FUCKIN PARKING LOT!  Out in the north forty where no one wants to park anyway!  Then they can have double-wide parking spaces, but more importantly then they have to actually walk their fat asses a couple of hundred feet to the scooters!

But we all know that won't happen, cause the lawsuits would be a flyin.  So we can all just glare at those bastards as they block the isles with their fatmobiles with backup sirens and know that they are look right back at us thinking...............

THEY SEE ME ROLLIN,

THEY HATIN!!!!

Cause Handicap Stickers for Fat People are BULLSHIT!!!

YWKWB LETTERS: Dear Salvation Army Bell Ringer

Dear Salvation Army Bell Ringer,

While I fully support your cause and charity, do you have to ring that bell so fucking loud?  Holy shit, you get my left ear going into the store and my right ear coming out!  We all know you're there!  You're the fuckin guy with the bright red vest, the pot dangling off the stick, and you're standing in the fuckin front door....SAW ya!  If you think that you have to ring that loud ass bell to get my attention, you're sadly mistaken.  Your bell is fucking annoying.....quit it!  You have this shit all backwards anyways, what you should be doing is have people give money to keep you from ringing that fuckin bell!  I would gladly throw a buck in if I thought it would shut you up, you loud fuck!  There are lots of ways to get me to give you money and making unnecessarily loud noises isn't one of them.  Save the bells for boat harbors and railroad crossings and take up air guitar lessons.

Cause your loud bell ringing is BULLSHIT!!!

Regards,
YWKWB