They say nothing in life is free. Think about that saying and we will come back to that. You ever been watching TV and you see a commercial for a hotel and when it comes to the end of the commercial they start talking about all the "extras" you get by staying at the place? They say "Come stay at the Hampton Inn, we have free continental breakfast, hot fresh coffee and free WiFi to all rooms!"
First of all, the shitty breakfast bar where I have to make my own fuckin cereal isn't continental. If by you supplying those undersized kids cereal boxes and throwing out some day old donuts with styrofoam bowls allows you to say "We just served you breakfast!".....Then me spitting on your windshield as I pull out of your shitty hotel parking lot allows me to say "I just washed your car!"
Breakfast is supposed to be a hearty meal and if your going to toss it in for "free", at least make a fuckin' effort! And when you say "free breakfast" after I paid you $89.99 for one night's rest, there had better be a fuckin' waitress and some damn metal utensils assholes!
Which brings me back to my first thought, nothing in life is free. But wait, Hampton Inn is tossing in free WiFi. It comes with every room! Think about that next time you shopping around for a quality place to lay your head for the night. Why not get one with free WiFi. That shit is hard to come by and you don't just run into free wifi anywhere. I bet you can't even name 5 places that offer free wifi.....
1. Panera Bread
2. Price Chopper Grocery
3. The Library
4. Quiznos
5. Buffalo Wild Wings
6. McDonalds
7. Starbucks
8. CiCi's Pizza
9. McAlister's Deli
10. Dairy Queen
11. Super 8 Motel
12. Holiday Inn
13. Burger King
14. Houlihan's
15. The Hospital
16. The Rec Center
17. Church
18. Sam's Club
19. Every bar in town
20. Dunn Bros. Coffee
21. Steve's Tire Shop
22. Hardees
23. The Museum
24. Raddisson Hotels
25. Valvoline Oil Change Shop
26. IHOP
27. Bob Evans
28. Every college campus
29. The Post Office
30. Music Store
31. The BBQ place down the street
32. Autozone
33. Culvers
34. Planet Sub
35. The License Bureau
36. Motel 6
37. Doug's Meat Market
38. Days Inn
39. The laundromat
40. JoJo's coffee house
41. The carwash
42. The state capital building
43. The Indoor Kid's Jungle Gym across town
44. Meineke
45. The fitness club
46. The PC Lounge
47. National Tire and Battery
48. Dunkin Donuts
49. Doubletree Hotel
50. And the cafe in town ran by a couple in their 70's
So what you're telling me is that it is hard to find? Is that what you're saying? Fuck NO it's not! I could probably walk from New York to San Diego and never leave a free WiFi service. Oh, it would get spotty outside of Vegas, but I would venture to say that even the brothels have free WiFi.
So the next time you hotel fucks want to tout your free WiFi, why don't you save your breath and consider offering things like working A/C units, soft water, and jizz free sheets!
Basically here's the deal, McDonalds will throw in free WiFi if I go in and ask for a plastic spoon, so any major establishment that is still throwing around free WiFi as a sales draw should fire their marketing manager and wake the fuck up!
Cause advertising free WiFi is BULLSHIT!!!
