When Neighbors Move Away

Neighbors moving away is BULLSHIT!!!


So a month ago my neighbors next door let us know that they are moving back to their hometown in a month cause the husband took a job back there.  He said he needed a new town for his new start...........he's selling VCR's in Arkansas at a Walmart.  I think that's what he said......I wasn't really listening after they told us they were moving and for some reason all I could hear was a piano playing and Collin Raye singing in the background.

I mean they just dropped a bomb on us, those sons-a-bitches.  It sucks too, cause they were really cool neighbors.  They moved up here like a year an a half ago and we hit it off right away.  You can always tell when you're going to get along with people right off the bat.  It was good times.  They were from small towns just like us, we both had kids, they like to do the same things and had crazy stories of shit they've done just like us.  We could talk about anything and everything from nutty-as-a-squirrel turd moms to colostomy bags.


P.S. - watch out for drunk Mexicans in bars in the south.

So, yea these weren't your run of the mill everyday boring wool sock wearing neighbors.



These were cool-as-fuck hang out every night and grill out all the time put the kids to bed and get drunk together neighbors.  You don't find those everyday, ya know?  These were neighbors that we would sit out in the yard and drink like it was fuckin dessert every night.  Just sit out and enjoy the weather, yell at the kids to get out of the fuckin street, and drink beer.  You can't pick your neighbors they say, but somehow if I could I would of picked these. 

Now its all changed.  They packed their shit, slapped it in a truck, and hit the fuckin road.  They're gone.  Tail lights fading off in the distance.  The only thing I have to remember them by is a used trampoline and some blue hospital towels.  I really don't think they have thought all this through though.  There is all kinds of shit they are going to miss. 

Where they are moving....the nearest Waffle House is like 10 miles away!  Now when they are all drunked up at 2:00 in the morning good luck finding that motherfucker!  Our Waffle House is like a half mile away.  Jackass!  Sausage, Egg, and Cheese Sandwich......Bitch!!!  What are they thinking?



And the county that they are moving back to is a DRY COUNTY!  Are you fucking shitting me?!?!?  A dry county?  What is this, 1926?  Hey Hempstead county!  Fuckin news flash!


Dumb fuckin rednecks!

And I don't know who is going to feed their fucking wart-toed dog when they go to the beach?  I mean who the fuck else can make 47 pieces of dog food last for a week?  I submit no one!




And what the fuck are they going to do with that snow shovel they bought at Lowes, ya dumb sumbitch?  Didn't think that one through, did ya dipshit!?! 


Now ya got this fucking snow shovel just sitting around doin nothing!  Maybe you can scoop wart-toed dog shit out of the yard, I don't know!

Didn't think about all that shit, did ya IGNERT......BASTERDS!

I guess its for the best.  I was gettin tired of hanging out on the back deck, grillin dinner, and watchin the kids jump on the trampoline as the sun dropped behind the trees and me finishing my 8th beer.  Shitty moments like that make me wonder why I haven't moved yet? 

But now they are gone.  The house next door is empty.  So is my beer fridge..........and right now I don't really see a reason to go buy more.

Oh well...............I guess I'll just go for a drive or somethin cause my cool neighbors moved away and that is BULLSHIT!!!

I'm chillin' on a dirt road,
Laid back swervin' like I'm George Jones.
Smoke rollin' out the window,
An' ice cold beer sittin' in the console.
Memory lane up in the headlights,
It's got me reminiscing on them good times.................