I don't know why, but car window stickers piss me off! I mean why do people have to force their lives on me when I drive behind them on the road. There are tons of bullshit stickers that people put in their windows, but some are just fuckin annoying! It was hard to narrow the list to a few, but these are the ones that I see more often than others and are just plain BULLSHIT.
Baby on Board signs are fuckin stupid. What exactly are the purpose of these? Is it to let me know that you have a baby in your car so I won't ram you off the road. Cause I was totally gonna fuckin plow into you on the highway, but at the last second I say the yellow diamond letting me know that you have an infant somewhere in your car. If you didn't have that sticker I was gonna just jerk the fuckin wheel and ram your ass into the next bridge embankment. That was the best investment your family could of made otherwise it was going to be a slaughtering. Give me a fuckin break. So the other humans in the car didn't matter until the new human was born and the warning is posted so now your car is safe? BULLSHIT!
How bout these fucks that have this stupid bullshit on their car like they are part of a exclusive club. A club so exclusive they is has abbreviations that no one knows. LP? What is that Liquid Propane? Little People? Large Pussy? Wait, there is something under it. Let's see if I can drive a littler closer and read this shit........OH! Lake Placid. You know , where the giant alligator ate all those people in the movie. I gotcha. It's fuckin stupid, but I gotcha. Who are these assholes that feel like we need to abbreviate everything. Since we text stupid shit like WTF, LOL, and OMG, I have to try to decipher your fuckin puzzle sticker on your car? You know the first thing that comes to mind when you say LP..........Lake Placid. I'll wait for that one to catch on dumbass.
Hey look, I'm immortalizing my entire family in stick figures, pets included! Well isn't this great! Now everyone will know a little about the fam even if we don't give a fuck. This is great cause now I know that Pete and Tina met in a bar and hooked up and had Izzie and Jonah, and then bought Merlin and Tigger for their kids. Isn't that great? Here is a few things that this sticker does. Say a child molester spots your kid at the park, you pick them up in your van with the queer sticker on it and he follows you home. Now he knows where you live, how many people are in the house, what everyones name is and if you have any pets. You gave him all that with one fuckin sticker, idiot! Sometimes this sticker comes in handy when I'm driving down the highway and some asshole in front of me is doin 61 in a 70. Then when I pass them, I can go "Hey, Pete nice drivin asshole!" Or, "Hey Pete, who taught you how to drive, Tina?" It has it's uses.
This one is bullshit for the same reasons as the abbreviated sticker above. Only here's the deal, I'm not the fuckin dog whisperer. I don't know all the breeds of dogs just by looking at their silhouettes. At least the LP sticker told me what the fuck it was talking about. This is a pile of fur with four legs under it. I'm suppose to first, know what the fuck dog this is and second, pull up and ask it's name? Dog owners!?! I don't get this bullshit, but whatever.
This sticker is for the asshole who actually takes the time to learn Mac OS and carries around his stupid notebook with the fuckin glowing apple on it. If that wasn't enough, he thinks that you give a fuck about his preference on computer systems. I couldn't possibilty give a fuck if you prefer to search for your gay porn on a Mac or a PC. This is the same asshole you see in your local wifi coffee shop playing World of Warcraft with his pretend friends. He also goes home every night a checks his Match.com profile only to find no hits again before he starts writing his HTML code for the digital girlfriend he created. And to this guy I say...
<html>
<body>
<h1>My First Heading</h1>
<p>Fuck you and your stupid apple sticker<p>
</body>
</html>
And then there are these assholes. Who came up with this BULLSHIT? What is this an AM station that I'm not aware of? Is it the driver's IQ, cause that would make sense. Oh, I see....it's how many miles are in a full marathon. Well at least it's a nice round number. Lets see here, if 3.1 miles is a 5K, then 26.2 is.........a 42.195K? That is some fucked up shit. This all goes back to the mixed up metric system that I talked about. I would really like to know of all the assholes that I see with one of these on their cars, how many ever actually ran a marathon? Cause I can buy a sticker and slap it on my car, too. Big fuckin deal. My other question is if there are 26.2 stickers, who are the pussies putting 3.1 stickers for their cars? That is not what I would be bragging about. Maybe it's their kids GPA, who gives a shit.
All those stickers are bullshit, but the worst is when they pair up two or three of this fuckin things on one car. Those fuckers that tell you their kids and dogs names, let you know they own a Mac, and in their spare time they like to run 3.1 miles for no reason. Those fuckers I would like to plow into a damn bridge embankment.........you know, unless there's a Baby on Board.
Cause your window stickers are BULLSHIT!!!
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