Take a hard look at this map. The countries in red......those countries are the only countries in the ENTIRE world that don't use the metric system. The U.S., Burma, and Liberia. That is it. That's right, the U.S. is hangin in there. We're like "Fuck you rest of the world! We won't conform to this bullshit system that the ENTIRE remainder of the planet uses. You know, minus Burma and Liberia." Burma? All I know about about Burma is Rambo went there to fuck some guys up in his last movie. Where the fuck is Burma and Liberia? Who knows and without looking at a globe for half an hour, you wouldn't know either!
As Americans, we are used to this shit by now, but if you step back and look at it from a common sense perspective, your like, what the fuck!?! Try to stay with me here.
You go the store and walk to the dairy dept for milk, you pick up a gallon of milk. Then walk to the next isle for pop and pick up a 2 Liter of Dr. Pepper. Walk to the juice isle and pick up a 128 oz bottle of OJ. (Side Note: 128 oz is a gallon, so why not list that first on the fuckin bottle, idiots!?!) Walk over to the liquor dept and pick up a 6 pack of 12 oz bottles, 750 mL bottle of wine, and a fifth of whiskey. A fifth? A fifth of what? Cause a fifth of a gallon is 757 mL and the bottle says 750 mL. I think someone owes me 7 mL. Heading over to the hygiene dept, you pick up a 250 mL bottle of mouthwash. Then, as your in line to check out, you think I would like to enjoy some Dr. Pepper now. So you reach into the mini fridge and pull out a 20 oz bottle.
WHAT THE FUCK!
Ever heard of some standardization?!? Get your shit together committee that picks fluid containers, cause your making my fuckin head hurt, assholes! That is just the beginning, too.
Look at the Nutritional Facts on the side of the boxes of food:
The serving size is in cups (with grams secondary) and then facts like sodium and protein are in grams only. Are you shittin me!?!
What about recipes?
"Use a tablespoon of butter and a tablespoon of salt". SHIT, i got butter all over the tablespoon already, I'll just use the teaspoon. How many teaspoons are in a tablespoon? Two? NO, its fuckin three, how queer is that?!? Three? Who comes up with this BULLSHIT!?!
Some people haven't embraced the digital world yet and still buy 35mm film for their cameras. But when you go to print the pictures you get 4x6 inch prints. Whatever, you fuckin dummies!
Ever bought tires before? Holy SHIT! The tires on my car are 235/60-17. That's 235mm for the tire thread width and 17 inches for the diameter of the rim. Do you want my head to explode? Whoever decided this is a fuckin dummy, plain and simple. Don't get me started on fasteners. My car's engine was built in China, the transmission is from Japan, and it was assembled in Canada. What kind of foriegn piece of shit is this you ask? It's a fuckin Chevy, the heartbeat of America! This thing is littered with a mix and match of standard and metric fasteners. Fuck you Chevy and kiss my ass!
Moving on. Lets go shoot some guns! OK, I'll grab my .45 pistol, you grab your 9mm. Or I bring my .30-06 and you bring your 7.62mm. How bout we just stay home instead. Sounds good.
How bout we go running? Where? Downtown. Ok, I'll drive. We get in my car a drive 70 miles per hour to get downtown, which is 17 miles away, but when we get there we are running a 5K race. 5K? How many miles is that? Fuck, I don't know, let me get my calculator! What the fuck country are we in?
Hell, drug dealers are even confused. They buy kilos of drugs and then break 'em down to sell them by the ounce or they buy them buy the pound and sell them by the gram. These are drug dealers! Aren't they suppose to be stupid? Maybe I should have went to school where they did, cause if I had to convert back and forth all day I would lose my ass selling drugs!
Pounds and Ounces, there is some shit that really pisses me off. First of all, who came up with oz as the abbreviation for ounces, Snoop Dogg?
Yah, dog, that's a OZ fo'shizzle, my bizzle.
And lb is for pound? Really?! You are aware that pound starts with a "P" and ends with with a "D"? OH! It's Latin, the language no one speaks anymore, I see!?! Then if that isn't bad enough, there are ounces and then there are fluid ounces. You measure a glass of water in fl.oz. Well, what if I put the glass of water in the freezer overnight and pull it out? Now what asshole? Is it fluid ounces or just ounces, HUH!?! Kiss my ass!
All of this wouldn't piss me off so much if the metric system didn't make so much fuckin sense.
Metric Units for weight:
1000 mg = 1 gram
1000 g = 1 kg
1000 kg = 1 metric ton
What do we do?
437.5 grain = 1 oz
16 oz = 1 lb
2,000 lb = 1 ton
16 tons = Another day older and deeper in debt. (Had to throw that in.)
Metric Units for length:
10mm = 1cm
100cm = 1m
1000m = 1km
What do we do?
Two 1/16's = 1/8
Eight 1/8's = 1 inch
12 inches = 1 foot
5,280 ft = 1 mile
76 miles = the distance I would walk if I could punch the asshole in the throat that came up with this shit!
Oh well, we'll just convert between the two. That should be easy enough, right?
1 cm = 0.3937 inches
1 gram = 0.035 ounce1 foot = 0.305 meters
1 kilogram= 2.205 pounds
1 mile = 1.609 kilometers
Well...........look at all those nice round numbers, no fuckin wonder most Americans are horrible at math and fuckin hate it. We spend three hours trying to figure out how many kg are in a fuckin pound so we can convert to units that the rest of the planet uses. Let's see, carry the 7 and divide by the square root of pi = BULLSHIT!
The only reason that we don't adopt this like the rest of Earth is because France spearheaded the metric system movement back in the day. It's like listening to your wife's directions while driving the car, it's the last thing a man wants to do if he is lost. And we'll be damned if we do anything that France does. And I primarily blame that on Toby Keith. If you ain't America, you ain't shit! Ain't that right Toby? Yah! Stickin boots in people's asses! Yeehaw! Hey, Toby, quick question, where's Liberia? That's what I thought, shut the fuck up dummy!
Cause this mix and match buffet of units is BULLSHIT!!!
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