Ticketmaster Surcharges

Ticketmaster surcharges are BULLSHIT!!!

So you wanna go to see your favorite band in concert, huh?  Well, first you have to play a game.  Oh, you don't like games.  Well, if you want tickets you'll play.  This one's called MONOPOLY.  Yes, you heard me Ticketmaster.  A fuckin monopoly on tickets, total BULLSHIT!

Yep, if you want to see anything from Metallica to the fuckin circus, you have to visit Ticketmaster.  Hell, I don't have a problem with that.  Ticketmaster has got it figured out.  Give people an easy way to buy tickets to any major event, let them pick their seats and prices and your good to go.  They do make you go thru all the BULLSHIT that is the word verification box (see more on this topic).  Oh, theres just one more thing.......we're gonna take out back and fuck ya in the ass.  Might as well, it be better than paying the bullshit surcharges. 

Lets see, I wanna take my daughter to see Disney on Ice.  Oh, cool tickets are only $13.00...nice!  Ok, I'm gonna need 4 ticket @ $13.00 each, thats $52.00.  That's not a bad price for 4 people, lets do that.  Ok, I'll just checkout here.  HOLY SHIT!  $76.00........What the FUCK is with the 50% markup!  Ok, calm down, there has to be a reasonable explaination for this.  Let see:

4 tickets = $52.00...............Ok, I'm with ya.
Facility charge = $1.00........Ok, seems like a bullshit charge, but I guess they have to clean up after me.
Convenience fee = $23.00 for 4 tickets............HOLY SHIT MY ASS HURTS!!!
Oh, you want to print your tickets NOW?, another $2.50.............Why not, sure, slap it on top with the rest of the fees.

Convenience fee?  How are they conveniencing me, cause they are offering me an item for sale online, and then when I buy said item, they give it to me?  Oh..............well shit that IS convenient!  I am way out of line thinking that the final price of the item at 50% more than advertised price is BULLSHIT!  Or am I?

Lets think about this.......Say I go to a used car lot.  I find a car that I want to buy.  The car is $10,000.  I buy it, but while we are signing the paperwork (checking out in Ticketmaster), the invoice has a fee for another $5,000.  You look to see what the additional $5K is for and it says "Keys".  You question the charge and the salesman says "How you gonna start it?" (I know it's a Seinfeld episode).  You get my point.  The charges are bullshit cause they got you by the balls.  Oh, you don't want to pay the surcharges, then buy them from the other online ticket sales place........OH YAH, there isn't one!  Fuck you and give us our money!

Heres your money and something else

Kiss my ass Ticketmaster cause your surcharges are BULLSHIT!!!

Word Verification Boxes

Word verification boxes are BULLSHIT!!!
"WORD" Verification?  WORD??? We are throwing the word "WORD" around pretty loosly these days.  Words huh?  Never seen the word "unrexc" or "aphxleci".  It took me a shorter amount of time to change my oil in my car than to type "aphxleci".  I feel like I am in typing class again.  Knock this BULLSHIT off!
This.........What the fuck is this?:


Who in their right fuckin mind came up with this as our anti-spam solution.  This?  Really?  This is the best you got?  Seriously assholes, knock this bullshit off. 

(In a whiny sissy voice) "Oh, but our pages will be filled with spammers, popups, stuff we don't want!"

Well how bout this?

Anybody know what the fuck this is?  If you don't, I'll come over to your house and hit you in the head with a tack hammer, cause your a retard.  You in the back.......Yes!  It's a banana.  See how long it takes you to type banana versus ANY of that BULLSHIT above.
What about this:

Don't be scared.  Just yell it out when you know it.  YES!  It's a tree.  A fucking tree.  A three year old knows what that is.  Type tree......it takes about 0.02 seconds.  Are you telling me that picture verification wouldn't block spamming software?  Pictures of shit that we all know and can type in milliseconds, but a computer doesn't.  All computers will know what these pictures are?  BULLSHIT!

Typing gibberish that looks like it was drawn by a left handed Parkinson's patient is a waste of my time.  Sometimes it takes like 2 or 3 times or I have to refresh the image 6 times before I can get one I can read good enough to attempt to type it.  And when you are being rushed by a timer like when you are buying tickets online, its like I'm a defusing a fucking bomb. 

I've got sweat beads rolling down my face, heart beating so fast I can hear it in my ears, I type the first "word" and............"please type the word again", no go.  SHIT! Try it again, typing the "word" unnedou, SHIT!, the "u" and the "n" are so close together that it looks like a "m".  OK, 50/50 shot, here we go.......type it in and.........."please type the word again" ..................BOOM, bomb explodes, your dead.  FUCK!

That is why Word Verification Boxes are BULLSHIT!!!

Pressing 1 for English

Pressing 1 for English is BULLSHIT!!!

When have you ever thought as you make a phone call to a place of business. "Boy, I hope there is an option for English cause otherwise I'll be fucked!"  You haven't.  You know why, cause 90% of the time you looked up the phone number on Google, read the results in English, found the phone number and called it.  Now pressing 1 for English doesn't happen a lot, but when it does, it is BULLSHIT!!! 

When I call a number and the robot lady voice says "Thank you for calling insert company name here, to begin please press 1 for English."  I'm gonna stop ya right there.  If your robot lady answers my phone call in English, what are the chances that I want to continue in English.................about 99.999%, thats what!  Only an asshole who's fluent in 3 languages calls, get the same options and says "Hum........I feeling like a Spanish kinda of mood today, so I will NOT press 1 and I will wait to hear what option Spanish is."  To that guy.......fuck you.  Your the reason I have to listen to stupid shit like this.  Sometimes you call and hear "para empujar dos españoles."  and sometimes who hear "para empujar quattro españoles."  Well, is it 2 or is it 4, make up your fuckin mind Spanish you asshole. 

If you are reading this, then chances are you have never listen past "For English, Pres...." and you are hitting the 1 button so fuckin fast you knock over your cup of coffee.  I know I haven't stuck around to hear what comes after the English option.  I would imagine its something like........"For Spanish press 2, for French press 3, For German press 4, for Mandarin press 5, for Bulgarian press 6, for Latin press 7, for Hebrew press 8, for Ewok press 9, if your Kenny from South Park press 0."  You get the point...........

Pressing 1 for English is BULLSHIT!!!

Walmart.com Prices

Walmart.com Prices are BULLSHIT!!!

So your surfing the net and you come across an item you want to buy.  You look for the lowest price around and of course, fucking assholes @ Walmart got that market cornered.  So you go to Walmart.com to see what the price of the item is, lets say $39.99.  You look online and see that the Walmart up the street has it, AWESOME!  You get in your car, drive to the shithole that is Walmart, walk four acres of store and find it.  What's this?!?!?  The fucker is $10 more!  BULLSHIT!!!

Yes, this has happened to me.  It was a Leapfrog Leapster toy and it wasn't even for me!  I was buying it for a charity group that gave us cash to go buy the item, we just had to go get it, wrap it, and bring it to them.  Oh, well that sounds easy enough and it will make me feel warm and fuzzy inside.  Well........where do you think they got the prices to decide how much money to give each person for the gift they were assigned to buy?  ALL TOGETHER.......the internet.  Specifically, Walmart.com.  "What is this internet that you speak of?"  "Well, see kids,  the internet is a network of computers where one can go and view many things, from porn to say.......the prices of items they want to purchase at a certian store without actually going to the store, walking to every dept to find the price of the item before you decide to buy it."

So I'm at Walmart with $40 in one hand and an item that is $50 in the other.  Anyone see a problem?  So I go the the 7th circle of hell that is the Walmart Customer Service counter and ask what gives?  This was thier answer, not even shittin:

Me:
"Why is this item $10 more than it says online."

Bitch @ Walmart:
"Well, see, we don't compete with Walmart.com prices."

Me:
"I'm sorry, I must of slipped in the urine puddle a couple of isles over and hit my head, can you repeat that?"

Bitch @ Walmart:
"We cannot price match Walmart.com."

Me:
"Ummmmmmm.............you ARE Walmart.com."

Bitch @ Walmart:
"No, see, Walmart.com is a seperate entity, we cannot match their prices."

Me:
"Their prices?  You keep saying their prices, like we are talking about Target's website or something."

Bitch @ Walmart:
"Well, sortof, see, we can't sell stuff as cheap as them, since they have a warehouse full of them, BUT you can order it from Walmart.com for that price and have it ship to this store and then pick it up."

Me:
"I could also do that on Amazon.com and it will ship to my FUCKING DOORSTEP!, but I want to take this item and place it in my car and take it home with me now.....any chance of that happening?"

Bitch @ Walmart:
"Yes, for $49.99"

Me:
"Let me ask you this, if you sell all the ones you have on the shelf and you have to restock them, where do they come from?"

Bitch @ Walmart:
"The hub warehouse in XXX (the next town over)."

Me:
"OK, so if I order it online and have it shipped here, where does it ship from?"

Bitch @ Walmart:
"The hub warehouse in XXX (the next town over)."

Me:
"OK, so let's save everyone a little time and sell me this one for $39.99."

Bitch @ Walmart:
"I can't do that, sir, I will get fired."

Me:
"Holy shit!  I thought my boss was strict."

Bitch @ Walmart:
"Is there anything I can do for you?"

Me:
"Yes, you can put this one back on your shelf.  I'll order it from Amazon.com and then my brain won't hurt anymore."



Don't believe me, read the bullshit:  Walmart Stores Price Matching

Walmart.com Prices = BULLSHIT!!!

TARGET Receipts

TARGET receipts are BULLSHIT! 

Who's idea was it to put an expiration date on a fucking receipt?  What kind of corporate idiot sitting at a meeting says, "You know what we need?  An expiration date on our receipts, that way if people buy stuff and then get too busy to return it, its thiers forever!  HAHAHAHAHAHA.  What is the reasoning behind this?  Who is this helping?  Walmart doesn't have a fucking expiration date.  As much as I hate Walmart, they gotcha here Target, you pieces of shit. 
Look at a Walmart receipt:

No expiration date here.  Oh, you decided you don't want that DVD player that grandma bought you, bring that shit back in and we'll give you money and you can go buy groceries with it or whatever. 

Now the stupid fucking piece of paper that is a Target reciept:


Look at that shit, right at the top, staring at you saying "Oh you don't want that DVD player grandma gave you for your birthday?  Let me see the receipt....we're real sorry, sir, but your receipt has expired, you can keep your DVD player, cause it's no longer sellable." 
EXPIRED???? What is it, a fuckin gallon of milk???  Since this piece of paper is more than 90 days old, there is no way in hell that we can simply place it back on our shelf and expect someone else to buy it.  Oh yah, well FUCK YOU TARGET!  Sorry, Target, I get worked up when I have to deal with fucking idiots as part of my day. 
Yes, this has happened to me recently and no, it wasn't grandmas DVD player.  My wife and I bought a $190.00 baby monitoring camera.  We thought we needed something like that cause we were expecting twins and were going to place them in the same crib.  So we bought this in Nov of 2010.  Twins were born in Dec.  Receipt expired start of Feb.  We decided that we didn't need the camera and it was a dumb purchase for overprotective parents.  So I walk into Target middle of March.  Yah, its after the receipt expired, but I'm thinkin I'll explain that we had twins and we've kinda been busy, you know we've had a fuckin few things going on over the past few months. 

Bitch @ TARGET:
"Sir, your receipt is expired, there is nothing we can do." 

Me:
"Ummmm.....You can place it back in inventory and sell the thing to another person.  People will buy it, I know, cause I watched me do it."

Bitch @ TARGET:
"Sorry, sir nothing we can do."

Me: 
"Can I get store credit?  I'll buy some more daipers and stuff."

Bitch @ TARGET:
"No sir, there is a $70 limit on your driver's license."

Me:
"Drivers License???  I have my RECEIPT!!!!"

Bitch @ TARGET:
"Sir, your receipt is expired."

Me:
"Can I speak with your Manager?"

Bitch @ TARGET:
"I am one of the Managers, sorry."

Me:
"Stuff your fucking sorries in a sack and choke on 'em, bitch!"

Ok, I didn't say that last part, but fuck I wanted to.

And don't waste your time calling TARGET customer service, it is based out of India, so you might as well call Microsoft Tech Support.  TOTAL BULLSHIT!!!

I wanted to go grab two carts and walk around the store filling them to the brim with shit, pay for it, and walk right over to the returns and say "Is this receipt expired?"  And then they get to restock it all.  Would of cost me some time, but it would be worth it.  I might do that this weekend if I can find some extra time.

Cause TARGET reciepts are BULLSHIT!!!