Battery Powered Baby Swings

Battery Powered Baby Swings are BULLSHIT!!!

When the designers at Graco were sitting around thinking up their last baby swing, do you think anyone else was in the room?  Like someone with common sense.  Someone with rational thought?  NO, the only fucker allowed in that meeting was this guy......

.....and he was blowing everyone there!  Or at least paying for the hookers.

That's the only explaination I have for why ANYONE would design a baby swing to run on battery power.  Energizer and Duracell have to be paying these fuckin guys loads of cash to design the pieces of shit to run on their batteries.  And not just any batteries, the Godzilla of all batteries.  Fuckin D size batteries!  The most expensive, bulky, old technology, waste of space in my kitchen drawer batteries.  Why do we still make these fuckin things?  Is anyone reading this still packing around one of those 17 pound flashlights that require 4 of these pieces of shit.  Fuck NO!  You're telling me that we haven't found a way to put the same amount of power that a D size battery has into something the size of...say a peanut?  BULLSHIT!  These fuckin batteries have been around since the early 1900's!  The cellphone I pack around right now is smaller than my first cellphone's entire battery and that was the mid 90's.  Get with the fuckin program Energizer and Duracell, you assholes!

Now don't get me wrong, I love battery powered shit.  My remote control to my TV is battery powered, fuckin awesome job Panasonic!  My home phone is battery powered, nice job V-Tech.  My power drill is battery powered, DeWalt you are the shit!  Our baby swing is battery powered???  Have you lost your FUCKING minds Graco!?!  Seriously!  Look at the list of shit here:
TV remote, cordless phone, and a power drill.  Ummmmmm............"Things I would walk around the house and use."  Ding, ding, ding.  Not once have we decided to leave the house and said,  "Did you grab the baby swing, well better bring it."  "I am so glad that thing is battery powered or we would be fucked!"  Never been said....by anyone....on the planet. 

I can't help but think that the only explaination for all this is safety.  Hey, I'm all for kids safety.  But you are telling me that cause some window licker gets tangled up in the cord to the mini-blinds, I can't have a swing that plugs into the wall?  BULLSHIT!  That's why everything you buy comes wall papered with warning labels, for idoits that can't think for themselves.  I guess I shouldn't complain, they do offer alternatives.  Let's see what they say. 

"Whether you choose a battery-powered swing or a wind-up variety depends on your personal tastes."

A fuckin wind-up swing!!!  Well, KISS MY ASS!  This is your alternate method?  A century old battery technology or one that you wind-up?  What is this, a fuckin Ford model T.  Your gonna keep winding this thing like a post World War II kids toy?  Why this brilliant idea wasn't thrown out in the brainstorming session is beyond me, buncha ignert bastards!

Here is the deal.  When we moved into our house, I called a business that sells this magic stuff called electricity.  I pay them a monthly fee and they come out and hook it up to my house.  So now when I get up in the morning, I flip a switch and these bright things in my bedroom light up and make it where I can see.  This way, I don't have to get in my car and drive to the fuckin store to buy little cylinders full of electricity cause its already in my house surging through the fuckin walls!  And then comes Graco, damn assholes!  You come along and sell me a swing that sits in the same fuckin spot for a year and half, THREE FUCKING FEET from a plug-in and you can't provide one of these???

Well have one of these!

Cause your swings running on batteries is BULLSHIT!!!

1 comment:

  1. This one is great! I especially love that you quoted Shelby!LOL


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