4/01/2011

Long Lines at Walmart

Long Lines at Walmart are BULLSHIT!!!

Every fucking time I go in this shithole, it takes longer to get through the checkout line than it does to find all the items I went in for.  And every time I am standing in line for 25 mins, I think the same fuckin thing........  32 FUCKING LANES AND 5 OF THEM ARE OPEN???  What are these fucking lanes for?  Black Friday?  Is that it, one fuckin day a year when all the assholes in town pile up outside of shithole Walmart to by a Vonix DVD player for $8.88.  There is a reason that the piece of shit is $8.88 you fucking moron.  But we'll save that for a different post. 

Look, we are smart consumers.  The sun isn't even up and we are saving money. 
Yee-haw!  Fucktards one and all!

When they came up with the idea for the supercenter, I think they planned on putting 10 lanes in to start.  Then some corporate asshole speaks up and says:
"What about black friday?" 
"Oh shit, uh.........put in 32 lanes." 
"We can't hire that many people to check out customers!" 
"I know, we will put six employees, three on each end, and when people walk in it will create the illusion that there are hundreds of people in the store ready to serve."
"You are a genius, Bob."
"Thanks Ted."

You could go to the "speedy" checkout, but someone will fuck that up for you, trust me.  The thing that blows my mind is that Walmart has the power and industry leadership to make Walmart checkout the fastest fuckin checkout on the planet.  They could assemble a team to figure out how to make the checkout process the greatest fuckin thing ever.  But they won't work on that.  Instead they bring you great ideas like self checkout.  Those 2 words that bring chills to my spine.  Some corporate assholes sitting around a table in Fayetteville, AR saying:

"No, see we make them check theirselves out."
"So do we give them a discount for doing this?"
"No."
"And we won't have to pay someone to help check them out?"
"Just one person who watches the self checkout like a prison yard."
"How difficult are these machines to work?"
"For people with IQ's larger than their shoe size, they are a piece of cake.  For people who are idoits, its like rebuilding a carburetor."
"Hum...........You think people will do this?"
"Oh, they'll do it and they'll fuckin LOVE it!  It will make them think that they're playing grocery store like when they were kids."
"You are a genius, Bob."
"Thanks Ted."

Self checkout.....HOLY SHIT what a fucking horrible idea.  This was their answer?  You are going to ask people who can't count how many items are in their fuckin basket and who look like this:

to work your computerize checkout system?  Really?  Tell ya what, I'll stop you right there and say that who ever thought of this train wreck never actually stepped foot in one of their stores.  You corporate dipshits!  But you see where that shitty idea went, right where it should have, in the fuckin garbage.  Within a couple of years of the self checkout going in......it was coming right back out.  Walmart execs, you are a bunch of retards! 

When you get your items and head to the front of the store, it should be like fuckin Nascar!  People sprinting around refilling cash in the registers, people running and changing rolls of receipt paper, maintenance guys switching out checkout guns cause they start to smoke.  That's the shit I wanna see.  Instead I see a crowd like this:

....and six people standing there to check them out. 

That's why long lines at Walmart are BULLSHIT!!!

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